


The Habby-arium

by JustAMod



Series: The Habbenings [2]
Category: Smile For Me (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, M/M, Original Character(s), Other, Self-Harm, will add more as we go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:08:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 75,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23681350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAMod/pseuds/JustAMod
Summary: The events of Smile for me, but from the point of view of a Habitarian named Jamie.
Relationships: Dr. Boris Habit/Original Character(s), Kamal Bora/Wallus Breadbear, Lulia Fame/Jerafina Tabouli, Parsley Botch/Dallas Smuth, Randy Hapukurk/Gillis Socco
Series: The Habbenings [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1876402
Comments: 15
Kudos: 24





	1. Prelude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all started on one stormy night..

It was raining heavily when I stumbled upon the strange man.

But was he a man? It was hard to tell, down in the dirt as I was. The way his form shifted and swayed in the falling droplets of the downpour, as if in any moment, with a strong enough flash, he would disappear from this realm entirely.

“ ̸͖̇ ̸̧̅ ̴͕̓ ̵̰ ̷͇̿ ̴̼̉ ̴̨̈́ ̵̢̈́ ̸̱̀ ̴̳̆ ̴̱̓ ̸̤̓ ̴͘ͅ ̷̰̑ ̸̪͝ ̶͇̏ ̷͍͝ ̸̞̓ ̴͍́ ̷̨ ̵̪́ ̶̱̑ ̸̰́ ̶̖͋ ̴͐͜ ̸͙͌ ̵̲̕?”

“I don’t have any where else to _go_ ...” I whined through cold and trembling lips to a voice so deep, it resonated in my chest.

my body was heavy, as were my eye lids. The mountain ‘air’ was denser than it should’ve been…. With the hinted taste of a sick, artificial sweetener that rested on the back of my throat. I had been breathing heavily for so long, and now this ‘air’ coated the inside of my lungs like cotton candy webbing. Sweet, sticky, and slowing me down from the inside out.

“ ̸̠̐ ̷̬̉ ̷͈͌ ̸̨͆ ̴̟̆ ̴͌͜ ̸̘̒ ̸͓̈́ ̴̭̅ ̶̹̓ ̶͍͗ ̷̢̋ ̸̺̈ ̷̜́ ̴̡ ̶̩̓ ̷͕͝ ̷̥͠ ̴͍͗ ̷̹̃ ̶̭̚?̷̣̍ ̷̤̃ ̵̒͜ ̸͍̽ ̴͉͛ ̴̛ͅ ̷̙̌ ̵̙̈́ ̵͓̅ ̸̥͂ ̶͎̾~̷͙̆!̷̯͋ ̵̡̅ ̴̫̄ ̶̠̄ ̴͋͜ ̷̹̅ ̸͓̏ ̸̱̀ ̴̝̎ ̴̩͛ ̶͇̍ ̵̱̋ ̶̞̆ ̸͠ͅ ̴̜̔ ̸̨͝ ̴͕͌ ̸̼̎ ̵̞̑ ̷̝̈”

the way his voice rolled, emphasized by the thunder above that rumbled past. Storm clouds painted the night sky in purples, blues and blacks hues. The far silhouette of the treeline was illuminated only by the crackling flashes of lightning, striking and streaking and shrieking through the clouds over head. like serpents lashing out in some cosmic battle, their battle cries was the thunder that cracked over head, their clashes the flashes of light that illuminated the sky.

Thunderous and furious, the sky snarled down at us, and I crumbled beneath the weight of the storm. It was all so much, too much…i needed it all to _stop _

“yes... _please_...” I hardly heard myself speaking any more, cold rain running warm down my face as I stared up at dots of red, and a smile cyan. Sickly sweet and out of place, glowing in this thunderous night with artificial kindness and warmth

the lightning flashed, and the last thing I could see was the dirty, clawed hand reaching out for me, the smell of fresh dug dirt and a copper tang to it as a deep, rolling voice spoke

“w̵e̵l̶c̶o̷m̵e̴ ̵2̸ ̷t̵h̶e̵ ̴h̶a̶b̵i̴t̶a̴t̶”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first time i've written something like this, so i'm not really sure how to tag this? lol  
> just a weird little thing im trying while i blatantly love the shit out of Boris Habit. not sure how often i'll update, but so far i love this guy a whole l


	2. The way things are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get a peak into the Habitat before the events of Smile for Me

..it had been months now, since that day. Since stumbling upon this place, this…. Habitat. Months since joining the ‘Habitacians’ or...what ever the name was they had come up with. I didn’t typically pay attention to what the rest of them had to say, it didn’t have to do with me.

It had been months, and I had successfully kept to myself. A sort of self imposed isolation, as it were. I barely knew any one, and no one bothered me for more information. It was exactly how I had planned it to be, everything was just the way I wanted it to be… the way it _needed_ to be.

Sitting in my room, the light of the sun starting to set beyond the forest line, I held my arms around my legs and watched from the window. My pajamas consisted of long, loose beige pants and an over sized t-shirt that said ‘happy!’ in bright neon letters with an over saturated smily face. The clothings helped cover me up effectively enough, so they served their purposes….even if I didn’t care for the colors and markings on them.

Looking around my room, I watched the last few rays of the setting sun slowly cross across the adjacent wall. It was a simple, plain room, a modest one. A closet, a dresser, a bed and that was all I needed. Clothes were hung up or folded away, as well as various supplies I had stored in empty spots in the dressers and closet bottom, ‘out of sight and out of mind’. The room itself was a little stuffy, given the shut door and window, the lack of air flow was a normal pressure I had become accustomed to. The faint tingly taste of the fresh mountain ‘air’ was an after taste of every breath that I took, but nothing that concerned me.

Glancing out the window, I watched the others heading around the Habitat. Shuffling around, moping, doing their ‘jobs’ or the carnival ‘games’. The clown was at the gate, as normal. He stood there, in his blue and yellow get up, make up standing brightly against his own warm coloration, it’s teal hue accenting his eyes and costume well. Was he hanging out with the lounge singer again? The ‘caged song bird’ as it were…standing in her typical red attire, a rather short dress and sun glasses. Her hair was pushed back with a hair band, and I found myself staring at it for a little longer than I would have liked. they were an odd couple, to be sure. it didn’t really make sense that they were a thing. Not in my mind any way. Just an oddity in this Habitat, a quirk.

but it wasn’t any of my business, truly, and I planned to keep it that way. Staring away from the two starry eyed lovers, I affixed it on the tower. Plumes of smoke came from Martha’s ever churning mechanisms and gears, floating up to the sky in hues of green that vanished and dispersed, fading into the air and becoming the ‘air’. The sound of her thrum was something of a comforting noise. It meant all was well within these walls. As long as Martha was working, so was our provider.

Snorting slightly at that, my head rested against the window, eyes drifting up with the clouds and up to the large, over bearing tower. The ‘Habi-tower’ I had heard some of the others call it....but it didn’t really fit. It looked more like some one had wanted a tree house, but had nothing but a tire factory for supplies. A weird , out of place structure, to say the least, that looked as if it could be toppled over by just the right amount of force. But it stood strong, despite questioning look of it’s structural integrity. Looming over the rest of the habitat like an over-seer. A guardian of sorts…

...he was standing in the window, like usual, too. Just a silhouette, as per his norm. I could hardly make out the features I knew to be there, let alone anything else about him. Lately, he had become more and more recluse, choosing to stay up in his tower than speak with any of the residents. Anything he had to say, he sent through the PSA’s, or through ‘personalized messages’ to our rooms.

Ah yes, the messages. The reminder had me turning my gaze away from the window to look over at the screen on the far room. Flowers flickered on a poorly edited, repeated message. Like a VHS tape thats film had been damaged, it looked the way old candy tasted. sticking to your teeth and popping off oddly. The message of the day read as such….

‘GOOD AFTERNOON! IT IS A WONDERFUL, OH SO BEAUTIFUL DAY! HAVE YOU BEEN HAVING A GOOD DAY? : - ) IF NOT, TRY NOT TO THINK OF AAAALLLL THE WASTED TIME YOU THREW AWAY!! TOMORROW IS ALWAYS A NEW DAY!!!!’

the words on the screen were a bitter medicine, bordering on more of a poison laced lollipop. Sure, the colors were nice, the music coming from them upbeat, but...the words….they just sank into the subconscious like a rock. nestling nicely in the pit of my stomach and waning what little appetite I had. He was right, who better knew how much wasted time I had than myself and the good doctor…?

sighing, I looked out over the Habitat once more, rubbing my eyes of dried sleep dust and tear salt as I watched it was empty of most of it’s denizens. The curfew was quite strict, after all. Almost every one was made to return to their rooms. The very few exceptions were the ‘esental pursonal’ as he had labeled them.

Labeled ‘us’.

I threw my feet over the side of my bed with a huff, rising to my feet and giving a stretch. My nightly schedule came in handy for something, it seemed. It had been a burden on those around me my entire life, earning me scornful looks and sneers. Even as I tried to keep up with the more diurnal schedules of loved ones and peers, all it ever did was eat away at my own sleep, leaving me an exhausted wreck.

Here? Here I slept for as long as I needed to. The sun was nothing but a distant memory, only greeting it at dusk and dawn when the far trees kept it at bay. It was a ‘happy’ thought, one that managed to pull a kind of tired grin to my face as I made my way over to the closet to get changed. I didn’t have to get up for any day creatures any more, no longer was I a disappointment to them, a failure in their eyes. No longer was I a weakling, or some selfish person… no, I was living as best as I could, and I was still _helping_ .

I was doing _my_ job.

Throwing on my uniform, I tossed my pajamas onto the bed, where I would reclaim them some hours later. The uniform wasn’t much, just some dark blue pants and a slightly-lighter-but-not-really blue shirt. ‘came-o-flauge’ I had been told, not that I felt it mattered if I was seen or not… but I played along, the Dr had picked them out, after all.

As I opened my door and peered out into the hallway, the last few doors were already shutting, the sound of the caged bird and the blind artists making their way to their rooms on this floor. I couldn’t hear the little toothy child, but I assumed she was around some where. She usually hung around this floor...but had been known to move to other locations...much to my distress.

The toothy two, father and daughter, I had to be some what wary of. They tended to skulk around at night as well. When did they sleep? I truly wasn’t sure...then again, that wasn’t an abnormality here. The father was more palatable for me to tolerate and interact with, his daughter was another story. She had an attitude I simply didn’t know how to deal with. So I avoided her at the best of times, and at the worst I excused myself from talking to her for too long. I was sure she thought I was rude, but I didn’t care. I didn’t have the energy to listen to her complain about her own self brought on issues.

Sighing quietly at the real possibility I may run into her tonight, I shut my door behind me and made my way around the guarded railway, doing just a quick check to make sure all was good on this level. I wouldn’t bother with the doors, but I did pick up a few pieces of trash and paper here and there, tossing them into near by waste bins. peering down into the ‘court yard’, I glanced around to see if any stragglers were lingering.

Annnnnd yes, there he was, Trencil. Moping around in his corner, as usual. Even as the shadows grew, he typically didn’t leave that spot unless prompted to. He was an unassuming looking man, dull blonde hair and a brown cloak he always donned, he had his back to the rest of the court yard, his gaze currently on that depressed looking flower he held. He always had that thing, for what I could only assume was all day and night. Some times I could hear him murmuring to it, his voice was just low enough to travel well across the court yard walls.

As if sensing my gaze on him, Trancil’s reflective eyes peered up at me, and I flinched away at being caught in the act of staring. huffing through my teeth, I met his gaze evenly. Out of all of the Habitacians here...he was one of the few I disliked the least. He was a father, and one of the ones in this place that seemed to openly care about his child. I could admire him for that….but his uncanny senses did tend to catch me off guard every once and a while.

the man stared at me for a while longer, seeming to be reading the air between us, before raising a hand and giving a half hearted little wave. He never attempted to converse with me, which I think the two of us both enjoyed in our own ways. Perhaps being on a first name basis (as I knew his name, and I didn’t doubt the man knew mine) with no words spoken between us was a pleasant enough experience for us both. A kin-ship, in an odd way. I didn’t know any of his troubles, and he was unbothered by any of mine. We could co-exist as two introverts of the night, and it was...nice. Pleasant even.

I returned his wave with one of my own, then broke eye contact, quickly making my way up the stairs. The sound of the night was a comforting one, the nightly ambiance that rang through the air, the calls of nightly critters stirring from their dens and homes filled me with a sense of peace and calming that the day just never really held for me. It was the feeling of coming home when the cool light of the moon touched upon me. She hung over head, her cool rays was a healing salve on my skin, a welcomed touch of love that comforted the restless edges of my soul. Looking up at the starry sky, I smiled brightly up at it as I reached the terrace. A part of the roof of this establishment, it was now vacant of those who tended to like to wander and loiter here. Sun chairs and umbrellas decorated the area, as well as a barred off area with fake flowers on vines decorating the bars. The sounds of creaking chains caught my attention, as well as the slight swaying of the umbrella stands, left open… again…..how annoying-

-WHAM-

the sound of a slamming door beneath my feet made me jump, hair standing on end and glaring down at the floors of habitat dorms. Who was slamming doors _now_ ? Some person who wanted an annoyed neighbor, that’s who. I seethed quietly down at the lower floors, as if my ire was a mental wave length I could send at them to teach them better manners. In the dark of the night, I stood there, waiting, listening… and when another thud came, I was able to catch sight of the culprit. ah, it was Borbra. Was the large woman upset, or simply unaware of her strength? It seemed she had just come from the bathroom, in a long night gown and her trade mark binoculars in hand. Her large wide eyes reminded me of the birds she seemed to love, her head turning this way and that, peering around before sneaking back into her room. I huffed down at her, she none the wiser of my presence, and withdrew a pencil and paper and began checking it off

so far, accounted for, 15 Habitacians were in their rooms, 3 were in their designated locations, and 2 was simply at large...which irked me. They couldn’t make my job easier, now could they?

that’s right, I was the night-watch. I was the one who found the poor souls who missed curfew, and brought them to their rooms for a ‘speshul PSA’. My job was simple, sniff out the ones who were being ‘naughty’ and turn them in. it was a simple job, especially given my own need and desires for the night habitat to be mine and mine alone. I didn’t want some depressed, selfish, whining ‘frownies’ staying up this late, trying to talk to me, to breathe my ‘air’ along side me.

Speaking of which, the realization of what time it was had me take a _deep_ breath in, feeling the numbing sensation in the back of my mind that helped to settle my rougher edges. How long had it taken me to get adjusted to this feeling? The slight swaying and blurring of the corners of my vision, the strange images I saw in peripheral view?? Shadows danced in the pale moon light, darting this way and that and in between the furniture that cast darkness there for them to hide in. despite their jerky, twitchy nature, they had become welcomed sights. It meant that I was where I needed to be, and that I was doing my job right.

But it also meant I had to keep moving.

The rocks in my stomach twitched, but I ignored their sharp edges digging into my guts as I walked along the terrace. Given Trancil and Nat’s typical behavior, they were typically two I could never bother with….and I knew that Jimothan was and would be working at the lounge for at least a couple more hours... but where was Kamal? The assistant, as he were. The ‘i have a special pass up to the habi-tower’ Kamal. Mr ‘i am spooked by the passing of a leaf’ Bora. I snorted at my internal mockery, feeling a little bad at my petty attitude. the man was nice enough, just a little spineless. He almost always stood with a hunch to his posture, his lack of confidence wafted from him like bad breath (which he also suffered from at times). The way he mumbled and shuffled his feet...I couldn’t tolerate the spineless, not as well as I use to. Their passivity agitated me, as if they were always ready to roll over and take what ever was dished out to them…

not realizing I was growling, I turned sharply around the corner, glaring down the barred and barren area. He typically liked to take his ‘smoke’ breaks here, but...it didn’t seem like he was here today...nor did it smell of his oddly scented things. i’d often found strange little cubes and candles here, some times a few cigarette buds, but nothing that was too damning...just confusing.

But with the lack of items, it left me frustrated as I left his name unchecked. I was going to have to figure out where he went, and make sure no one else was ditching during curfew. But as I turned th leave this area, the sound of rustling chains stopped me, peering over to the chains and to the carnival area they prevented access to. The only movement I could see down there, at present, was the twitchy, glitchy ones of the attendants, Martha’s own ‘undulations’, and a few scattering movements of some y’owls here and there. A typical night, a peaceful night…

….but it left me wanting, uneasy as I made my way closer to the chained off area. putting my paper and pen away, and simply let myself lean against them. It was a dangerous thing to do, for sure. Could such rusty, flimsy looking things really hold my weight? How strong were they? They had been here for quite some time, after all… ever since the last time some one had fallen off of the terrance.

It had been Gillis, and luckily he was a big enough guy, or it would’ve most likely killed him. He simply shrugged it off at the time, much to the surprise of those of them who had rushed to his aid. ‘i’m built like a tank!’ he had said, all the while limping his way to his room. It wasn’t as if we had an actual doctor on sight...not one that was needed, that is. But it seemed, after a few days, he had been right as rain. Lucky for him too, we were so far away from any town or other civilization, I doubted it’d be easy to get an actual doctor out here to look at him, or get him to the emergency care he would need to be healed properly.

All the while that I sat and thought on these memories, I stared over the side, at the long way down into darkness of the carnival grounds. The breath of the world washed over my skin, the wind greeting me with a cool and familiar touch that caused me to shiver at it’s embrace. Breathing out into it, the cool of the night took the warmth of my breath and body away, a faint mist that was soon blown away, disappearing into the night, as if it had never been in the first place...

...Would...would i survive a fall like that?

An idle thought, to be sure...an intrusive thought, sure.

….

but my hands gripped the chains, and I leaned further over, my eyes staring down into the darkness, unblinking. How long would it take me to hit the bottom? I had been asleep when Gillis had fallen, being woken up by the screaming and the thud. It must’ve taken him a few seconds...would I be faster? Slower? Would I make a thud?

Would I scream?

I didn’t realize how far I was leaning until the strange, itchy buzzing in my head made me flinch, snapping back away from the chains and back against the bars. I gasped as my back made them rattle, the sound of metal vibrating under the impact of my frame against it’s own. The corner of my vision began to go dark, and red eyes opened to stare at me

“Careful there!” his voice, as always, was like television static. It buzzed around the inside of my skull, making it feel utterly too full with each syllable spoken “Don’t wamt 2 cause another scene, right Jamee? : - )”

“n-no...” I breathed shakily, swallowing dryly and shaking my head. He was awake, of course. Most likely having watched my dumb ass lean over the side of the chains and bars! What was I thinking! Spending so much time in one place!! the after affects were kicking in...

“Good, good. How r the otherz?” taking on a sweeter tone, not so much the stern-happy one it had been...good, he wasn’t angry then. Not yet, any way. I laxed my body, willing it to calm slightly as my vision went entirely black in my left eye. Darkness reigned, and the high pitch whine of the nonexistent took over some of my hearing. red eyes, an orange nose, and a cyan smile was all that could be seen. He loomed over me, as always. Even if I was a bit on the taller-than-average side, he was a giant to the mound that I was, dwarfing me easily and effortlessly. Dr. Habit smiled at me, waiting for my report to be presented...and I was making him wait.

“18 o-out of 21 are in their rooms...” I started, making my voice even out as I straightened, recoverig the paper so that I could look to it “Trancil is in his usual place, Nat is unaccounted for but..i assume near him. And I can’t find Kamal-”

“oh, do not worree about Kamal. he is with me : - )” ah, of course. I set my teeth at that, frustration burning at the back of my neck “you can go ahed and mark him a-count-ted 4~”

with a sour expression, I took out my pencil and did just that, a muttered “sure thing boss...” under my breath as I did as instructed. “i plan to do a walk of the grounds shortly...make sure everything is clean and locked up...”

“very good, very good!” his praising voice brought heat back to me, warming my core as I lifted my head. Even if his image didn’t change in it’s position, staying center front where ever I looked, my most basic instinct was to stare up at the tower. It was where he was, after all. Dr. Habit, the guardian of this place. His dominion, his kingdom… his Habitat.

“thamk you 4 all your hard work. i’ll maek sure your paymemt is in the lounge, as always : - )”

I nodded my head, fidgeting oddly with the papers as heat burned away at my cheeks. My ‘bread and butter’ as it were, my payment were that my meals were always served down there, and always in the dead of night. Snacks for my room were provided, to consume while I remained in my own room during the day, or some times even while I walked the grounds in the early day. Everything I needed to stay within my room, I was supplied with nightly. Even the bathroom was left open for me, cleansed by our resident janitor Wallus and left soley to me in these hours. It was an entirely new world, one that belonged to me and me alone… and I was grateful for every shred of it

“..thanks you...Dr. Habit..” I murmured, giving a little smile “i’ll continue to do my best for you”

“I expect-ted so!” he seemed to beam, humor in his voice as the darkness faded from my gaze “make sure 2 save aaallll your smiles 4 the big day, bye the wey! don’t wamt 2 waste it b 4 then, do you? You dom’t wamt 2 makee Martha frown, yes?”

“y-yes!...i-i mean n-no!! i-i…o-of course not!” I dropped my smile immediately, obediently, watching as only the smile, nose and mouth lingered, like they were burned into my retinas from staring at a too bright light source for too long. Not so much the sun but...perhaps a neon lit bill-board

“Good : - ) You’ll smile 4 me when I say so, and not a momemt b 4 then”

with his promise set into the air, his spell cast upon me, his face disappeared from view, leaving me a trembling mess on the terrance. Sighing shakily, I forced my body to move, away from the barred roses and to the stairs. Even if my body felt as if it were about to collapse, I knew I had to keep moving. Standing still was the _only_ thing I could not do at night. I had to keep moving, had to keep walking and had keep an eye out.

Other wise _i’d_ be the one waking up with a PSA… and I shuttered at it. It had only happened once….once, when I had first joined.

….i refused to let it happen again, my heart just couldn’t take it.

As I decended the stairs quickly, feeling the sluggishness that had seeped into me beginning to be eaten away by the pounding of my heart. Yes, as long as I kept moving, kept my blood pumping, I should be able to chase away the side effects just fine. I had grown accustomed to his level of fresh ‘air’ any way, it would take many more hours before my limbs would begin to feel deaded logs attachted to a jellified stump. For now, I was riding a kind of high, the adereline of speaking to my boss helping to light a fire under me. Kamal was accounted for, so the only one who wasn’t was now Nat. Wallus would be cleaning up the boiler room at this time, most likely making his way to the lounge some time after I got my meal. Jimothan would be there, waiting for me to check in so he could, too, go get some sleep.

I hopped over the last flight of stairs, the soft thud of my feet against the ground was a satisfying rush, giving a hop to my step as I jogged out of the stairwell and into the court-yard. Much to my expectations, Trancil was still in his same spot, staring idly over to an empty flower pot. There had been flowers here...once. And without them, it seemed to have depressed the already dreary man. it...made me feel something for him. Bad, perhaps? But it hadn’t been my call, so I never tried to change it. The Boss had picked them all himself, and without seeds, there wasn’t much we could do.

Still, I watched the man as he kept his eyes forward, a kind of glossy look to them. Not even Trencil could resist the affects of the night for too long, standing in one place as he liked to. He’d be in a fairly non responsive state for the next few hours, and I didn’t mind this either. It prevented awkwardness as I came into the courtyard, doing a walk of the grounds and making sure nothing was damaged or out of place. The look of the pipes by the door caused me to huff, had that little brat been playing with them again?? it was bad enough she practiced her golf swings in the court-yard, threatening to put a dent in the lounge sign with her aim!

With a sniff, I grabbed the wheel, twisting it to aim the pipe away from anything important, effectively making sure that any shots taken with it would go long and far away from any one. When it was turned as far to the side as I could, I kept turning the wheel for good measure, making it as tight as I could. No child could even dream of moving this again, not without the help of some one strong enough… and hopefully, no one would be so encouraging to the young resident. We didn’t need _another_ resident with a black eye from a fly golf ball again.

The day that had happened, I had actually _heard_ the distress in Habit’s voice. It had been the first few months, and it was after Millie had come to the Habitat. Since she had come _with_ her golf club, it wasn’t hard to figure out when Putunia went walking around with a shiner what exactly had gone down. But when Habit had learned about it? Well… it had been one of the most upset I had ever seen him. Sure, there had been that one time when Martha’s teeth had rusted over, and he stole every ones tooth brush to fix it. And there were the times Tiff talked about leaving, and he become a sniveling mess, sure…

but this?? I don’t know what had caused such a reaction, but Habit looked genuinely _freaked_ at the look on Putunia’s face. The little fiesty child hadn’t really batted an eye at it (not that she had the eye to even bat, any way) but Habit had _insisted_ on making sure she was alright after that. To the point he had spoken about actually getting a doctor to come check on her. He had been worried about a concussion, or something worse. His fretting had been so out of place, and seemed so foreign now, compared to the man he had become. At the time, I had just… I had offered to bring her to town myself, or call a doctor for advice. But after a few calming breaths from the more expeirenced adults in the Habitat, namely Trencil and Jimothan, an ice pack and some candy later Putunia was right as rain and there was no more fuss after that

but still...it had settled with me, enough to nearly debate on breaking the wheel off of these pipes. No one was allowed to hit any one else, the posters had gone up about a few days after that whole event. No punching, no hitting, no violence of any kind. I remembered Kamal and I placing them up on the walls, in perfect view of all. Putunia hadn’t taken kindly to it, but she respected it….for the most part

shoulders slumping, I shook off the weariness that had caught me from standing here for too long. Gotta keep moving! I hurried towards the lounge, wanting to get my meal in me and my rewards up to my bedroom before conking out. Also I still had to do a better, intensive check of the carnival grounds. There was still so much to do!!

opening the door to the lounge with a spare key, I hurried down the stairs, peering around the corner to the dimly lit room. One of the records was still playing on the juke box, but it was turned down enough to be nothing but background music. The red tinted walls were a famliar site, one that calmed me just a smidge as I entered. The smell of booze, cleaning supplies and something spicy lingered in the air, and it made me breathe a bit quicker because of it. Martha’s ‘air’ didn’t seem to reach down here, which was strange...but I guess it was because of ventilation...or a lack there of.

But behind the bar was the familiar, sketchy face of our resident bar-keep. Jimothan was busy wiping down a mug when I walked in, looking up at me with his typical lop sided smile and red eyes. There was a straight kind of charge to this guy, a spicy kind that just kinda...lingered. But I chalked that up to the fact he was a dad, and I didn’t typically understand those special breed of individuals

“Hey there Jamie” he greeted, setting the mug down and pulling out a spritzer hose of sorts. Already he was filling it with my liquid of choice, a mountain spring kind of drink, dyed red with cherry juice to make a bloody sunrise. It was my favorite drink, something I had had lots and lots of in my childhood (despite it’s name). Non-alchohlic and sweet, I plopted down on the bar stool and slid the drink over my way, giving the man a grin in return “how was the ‘noon, Jim?”

“ehhhh, same old same old. Rats nearly got to all of the food, but we managed to scare them off with Jeraphina’s singing” he cracked wise, his grin twisting up his face a little at the snide remark “girls got a pair of pipes on her, but after a few rounds she forgets how to use them”

sipping at my drink, I snickered into the bubbles, giggling a little at his comment and more so at the tingly sensation of the drink against my lips “sounds like a fun time. i’ll make sure to eat quick so you can get up to your room soon”

a laugh came out of him, reaching under neath the bar for the aforementioned meal “take your time on it, don’t want to see you scarf down an entire plate of food again. Once was enough for a life time”

“awwwe, y’sure Jimmy? I am sure I could get the plate this time!” laughed bubbled up my chest as he gave me ‘the look’. He was unamused with how my body worked, and it tickled me to no end to make this man question life at least once a night. It was fun, even if it was surface value entertainment. Once or twice I had heard him speak of his life before, but never had I ever unlocked my own jaw about my own past. He didn’t need to know that, nor did I really believe he really _wanted_ to know that. He was just being a polite guy, playing the bartender role well. After all, we needed _some one_ listening to what these mopey faced dolts had to complain about

speaking of…

“so what’s the word today?” I questioned as he set my meal before me. It was potatoes, steak and some broccoli. There was a bit of a red sauce drizzled on, the food smelling absolutely _divine_ . some one else must’ve cooked it. Grabbing the fork and knife I was presented, Jimothan shot me a side eye, picking up another glass to begin idle wiping it down

“...newbie.”

the sound my knife made across the plate was enough to cause the barkeep to wince, my eyes darting up to meet his. Newbie?? _another_ new habitacian? Another mouth to feed, another body to keep track of? wasn’t nearly 22 people _enough_ ? my stomach gurgled, groaning as I stuck my fork into the jaggedly cut meat.

“...When”

“Not sure” he replied cooly, looking me over before turning his attention to the glass “just the word for today.”

frustratedly I shoved the large chunk of meat into my mouth, chewing aggressively as I began thinking on the possibilities. A new body...was it another kid, or adult? The kids had taken me by surprise when Dr. Habit had brought them in before. Millie and Putuina, and TimTam. Nat and Trevor were a little bordering more onto ‘teenagers’ but...still. Would he really bring in another one? What was he trying to accomplish with that, if he did?

or...what if it was another adult? Was it going to be another frownie, or another worker? Between me, Kamal, Jimothan and Wallas...and I suppose Tiff, too...oh yeah and Gillis, but he was just part time… any way, despite all of us, did we _need_ another worker? Was there anything another person could help with? I tried to think off new possibilities of jobs, things that needed covering or...perhaps a new position???

but nothing really sprang out at me...which meant it had to be either just a new adult, or another kid… and both options had me seething in two different ways. Kids were loud, and difficult to manage if they didn’t like or respect you. I had found more than a few times my belongings had made their way into TimTam’s magnetic, sticky little fingers. Out of all of them, I could handle Putunia...just had to stay out of face-to-hand reach of her boxing glove. And Trevor?….heh, Trevor gave me a few good chuckles

managing to scarf down my food, but not so quickly to nausiate my bartender, I rose from my seat and made my way over to the box that was sitting at the edge of the bar table now. It sat nice and packed up, tape still in tact and everything. And the tell tale sign it was mine? Was the smiley face drawn on it’s top.

“you should get to your room quickly Jim, i’ll give you about 15 minutes...hrmm...ahh what the heck, i’ll give you 20. the steak was good after all” I waved back at him, smile on my face “just make sure to get to your room soon, alright?”

“whatever you say kiddo, try not to sprain anything either. Walking around as much as you do” he’d give me that lop sided grin that I returned with one full of teeth, turning away from the bar tender and his many, many clever words. It was a little bit of a teasing, and probably actual concern, given his father-esqe behavior. It had happened a few times, both times had to do with the stairs. I had been a little clumsy and got my foot caught up in one way or the other. Both times sent me tumbling, and only once had sent me unconscious. I didn’t remember much from the unconscious one, just knew I had woken up in my bed with gauze on my head and pain radiating through most of it. The other time? Randy had the unfortunate happenstance to be beneath me when I took my spill, causing a rather awkward interaction between me and the strangely articulate and poetic man. Another spineless individual I didn’t care much for.

But with reward under arm and the lounge door shutting behind me, I strolled over to the carnival grounds now. The attendants were there, rocking back and forth, their one good eye on each of them moving like a googly eye each time they twitched. The gas didn’t seem to affect them too much, but did seem to put them in a less interactive state, leaving the grounds mostly for myself. Since it was such a small space, and with the darkness that was, I tried to do a quick look around to prevent from lingering too long. The y’owls were already out, skittering around and rocking back and forth on their far too long legs. Their little hoots and cries made me twitch a little every time they’d fly on past me, their large eyes beacons of light in the darkness. Even with the moon high above, there was just...a presence that never seemed to leave the lower grounds. The terrance managed to stand above it all, but here??

here felt...dangerous, in a way I could never quite place. It made my hair stand on end, and even more so as I got closer to Martha. The sound of her gears was like a heart beat, her whirling cogs her breath as she stood there, towering above me with a permanent, endless smile.

“...good evening to you too, Martha..” I muttered quietly, something I typically tried to do whenever in the presence of this device. It felt too...awkward, not saying anything at all, for a reason I couldn’t really understand. As if to ignore her would be rude...perhaps even dangerous.

Quickly scuttling away from Martha and the grounds, I made my way back into the courtyard and shut the gate behind me, locking it. Ronbo had the key to open it, and it was his job as the carnie of the frownies to run the gate any way...which means it should’ve been _locked_ when I got down here...but I was feeling too happy with my progress tonight to really settle on that. i’d let it slide...for now.

Turning around, the light of relfective eyes nearly made me yelp, clutching my box tightly to me as I looked over to Trencil. The man had awoken, it seemed, by the sound of the closing gate...shoot!

“Ahh...hello, Jamie.” he greeted, a slightly heavy tone to his voice as he spoke. He was aware enough to know it was me but...how aware was he, exactly?”

“...hello Mr. Varnnia” I greeted lowly, making my way across the court yard, not really trying to interact with him “...it’s quite late, you may wish to return to your room now”

“is it?” he blinked, a bit absent-mindedly as he looked down to his plant “my...how time flies when you’re having….”

silence lingered in the air, I pressed my lips together as I lingered by the stair well

“...fun?”

“Hrn…?”

“Fun, the saying is ‘time flies when you’re having fun’” I reiterated, looking back at the man and feeling a twinge of something in my stomach. Was it pity? Or maybe concern...he looked so sleepy standing there

“Ahh yes…. Forgive me, I must be rather tired...” his voice was slowing down, and I was sure if I just left right now, he’d surely fall back into that odd trance of his….

….

“here, let me help you” sighing, I walked across the courtyard and over to Trencil, reaching out for the bottom of his sleeve to give it a good few tugs. It caused him to blink, eyes shimmering faintly in the darkness as it moved him along. There was hardly any resistance, and there typically wasn’t the few times I would walk him to his room. Most times he’d either find his way, or some one else would help him. But...seemed it was my turn, tonight.

I lead him up the two flights of stairs that it took to get to his floor, and down the hallway to his room. He and his daughter had seperate locations, which was just fine with me. The less I had to interact with Nat, the better. She was just...such a strange girl.

“here we are Mr. Varnnia” I said, a bit louder than was needed, as I put his key in his door and opened it for him “now head right to bed, ok? You don’t want a special PSA, do you?”

“Hrnn...i suppose not, no..” he mumbled, yawning largely. So large, I was able to see his extended fangs, something that always unnerved me even more about the man.

“then head on inside, c’mon” with a push to his back, I all but shoved him inside, watching him drift effortlessly into the dark room and practically disappear inside of it. Not caring if he found his bed or went face first into the floor, I shut his door behind him and hurried my way back up the stairs. I had stayed still for far too long this time around, and already my legs were feeling like jelly! Dammit!!

huffing by the time I got to my own floor landing, I could see the creeping shadows at the edges of my vision. I just barely had enough time to unlock my door and step inside when all feeling in my legs cut out. With a yelp, I hit the floor, breathing heavily as I kicked at the door. I wanted it to _shut_ . to leave me to my own space!! my own safety!!! my own _lair_ !!!

with a desperate kick finally connecting, the door shut, and the sickly sweet cottony air finally began to fade. Taking in lungfuls of clean, stagnant room air, I coughed a few times as I dragged myself over to my bed, mustering enough energy to, at least, crawl out of my clothes and onto the bed.

My box sat by my bed side...it’d have to go unopened for tonight. My eye lids were so heavy, and the yawns that kept rising up my throat were getting harder and harder to ignore. Nope, I was going to have to do better tomorrow. No more loitering...no more unscheduled stops….

Had to do my job. It was the only worth I had here...it was the only reason I was allowed to _be_ here.

It was all I had.

With that dreary thought, my eyes drifted over to the tower. The room was illuminated, his room was that is. He was still up there, watching over us. Had he seen me and Trencil make our ways to our room? Was he watch me now, laying in bed like this? Was he proud?

That got a chuckle out of me, lowering my gaze and turning over, giving into the weighted blanket feeling that washed over me

as if.

But before my mind completely left me, I recalled with Jimothan had said. The word of the day, and the implications there of. Something I would have to ponder on in the morning, something i’d have to ready myself, for when ever they came

‘Newbie.’


	3. New Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flower Kid arrives :)c Jamie has...some feelings, about this.

...3 weeks.

It had taken 3 weeks for the ‘Newbie’ to show up at the Habitat. 3 weeks for drama to start and blow over, snuffing itself out as quickly as it had burst into the inferno that it had been. 3 weeks for me to watch the set up for this new arrival, and prepare for what was to come in following days after…

3 whole, agonizingly slow weeks

and I was seething.

I was sitting in bed, grimacing at the headboard as I dug my nail into my arm. A slow, deliberate and methodical rhythm that I was trying to focus on. To focus the sensation of pain it gave me, even if it was minor and insignificant. Yes, I was trying to distract myself with the serrated edges of my nails digging itself into my skin, as opposed to the buzzing, scratching, chittering noise in my skull. The last week, in particular, had been a pressure on me that I hadn’t yet experienced living within these walls, and I was feeling myself wane underneath it’s strain.

To recap, some drama had broken out within the habitat that I surely couldn’t begin to muster a semblance of a fuck about, and yet I was the one being blamed for parts of it. The first particular nuisance was that, predictably, our starry eyed lovers were as star crossed as I had thought them to be. It seemed our teal hued clown Ronbo and the scarlet clad Tiff had broken up, and neither were taking it particularly well. An argument had broken out, even managing to wake me from my own sleep to stare curiously out my door and at the commotion that had taken place.

Admittedly, I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to the sobbing, honking cries of the clown, nor strain my ears to hear the quiet and monotonous voice of the singer. Something about ‘serious’ and ‘laughter’ and other such things that seemed to clash against the other one in one way, shape or form. I maybe would’ve had a little bit of a laugh from the whole sight of it, given the fact it was in fact a _clown_ having most of this one sided melt down. But...well, sad clowns just weren’t my kind of humor.

And so it had been ended, but the fog that lingered in the air was palpable and aggravatingly infectious. Ronbo had an air of depression that wafted from every sad honk and deflated-balloon-sigh he gave, looking wistfully over at the lounge, yet not doing his job of maintaining the carnival. Though, given the fact Dr. Habit didn’t seem phased, or even bothered by this, I simply didn’t say a word. It wasn’t my job to take care of the people while the sun was up, and if my boss didn’t explicitly order me to, I wasn’t about to stick my neck out for them.

it’s not like any of them would for me.

So I had ducked out of that drama fest whole heartedly, not even a flake of skin off my nose, nor a bead of sweat from my brow on the matter.

….but on the other hand, the _other_ drama had me astound with the stupidity of the habitiains and the questioning of my judgment on giving even an iota of care for their well being.

Things had gone missing. from random pieces of paper to make up , to toys and much more. And I, of course, was at fault for them having been taken! Regardless of the fact most, if not all, of the thefts happened during the day. Regardless of the fact that I was not _here_ to stop people from losing their trinkets, and was instead here to keep _them_ from getting lost. Regardless of our resident thief and the near god like pick-pocketing ability that Tim-tam held!! NO, it was _MY_ fault that the day time people’s belongings had gone missing!

Unbelievable!!!

so enraptured with my fury and sulking was I, that I barely paid attention to the message on the screen of my bedroom. The melody was playing, yes. And instinctively, I was drifting my eyes over to it...but at present? I really couldn’t focus on the little jingle jangle that announced my daily dose of ‘reality’. I couldn’t be bothered to focus my eyes on the words there, too angry and upset to want to bother.

How was it _my_ fault!? Those ungrateful wretches didn’t want to own up to their own neglect, nor the troubled behavior of one of their own! I wasn’t Tim-Tam’s damn parent!!! I didn’t even think the brat _had_ parents, no wonder they were so good at stealing. They probably were use to it, and I darkly chuckled at that. If they were stealing, then it was because _the others_ had failed to take notice of them. Either give the child attention, or the supplies a child needed to entertain themselves. It was by no part any fault of mine, and I reveled in that fact.

Though...i hadn’t really tried to interact with the almost perpetually staring child. She creeped me out in a way that no one else would understand. She was a kitten to the cat that I was, and I could acknowledge that simple fact well. So few people in here I could, or would, consider on any level of an equal ground as myself. In fact, there were maybe 3 adults at most that I would! Debating 5, but the other 2 weren’t like the other 3 and myself. And sure, we had our resident vampires and ‘werewolf’, as well as the clown and...what ever the fuck Gerry was.

Remembering the strange man who stood by Martha’s side at a near constant made me blink a bit out of my stewing, neck retracting slightly into my body as I scrunched my face. It wasn’t as if Gerry was an unpleasant individual or something…. But I could _never_ get a read on him. And more times than i’d like to admit, I had found him out past curfew just... _Talking_ with Martha. Dr. Habit doing that was one thing but...eugh. Some how it just squicked me out, as the garbage man was just...incredibly greasy and shifty to me. Like a cafeteria meatball that had fallen on the floor, slipped under a vending machine, gone cold and picked up lint

gagging lightly at my own mental image, I shook my head vigorously. Not wanting to ponder on the gremlin any longer, I turned my attention now to the sound of tires out side. My hearing was quite good, i’d like to say...but the brakes on that thing howled like a coyote and a pig having a throw-down in the grand canyon. You could hear it for miles. I was pretty sure even the good doctor was cringing under the sound as the bus from Farroad town. It was the only transportation to and from the Habitat, aside from those who drove their cars here. And a few of them had, parked outside and in the parking lot as it were

...alright it wasn’t a parking lot more so it was just a clearing of flat dirt, but still.

That didn’t _matter_ right now, because the bus coming out only meant one thing, and it had my hair standing on end.

Our new resident had arrived.

Quickly leaping out of my bed, I scrambled around for clothes. I couldn’t put on my uniform, I didn’t want them to know what I did _just_ yet. Sure, it’d probably get blabbed one way or the other, but making just the right introduction was key! I wanted them to respect me, but not fear me. Not to think I was like the rest of the ones here, but still not one to be trifled with...

so as I went digging around, trying to find clothes that would convey they very convoluted message I had. But in the moment that I had wrapped my hand around a rather bold shirt, a slight buzzing on the left side of my room caught my attention. Snapping up, my eyes went over to the monitor, pulled by the uncanny feeling needing that began to run through my veins. The flowers had changed, shifted instead to a camera view of….my room. I could see myself, standing there, dumb founded expression on my face as I watched the screen. What….what was Dr. Habit doing??

the message on screen answered me

“DEAR JAMEE! I NEED YOU 2 DO ME A SIM-PULL TASKE. DO NOT LEEAV YOUR ROOME JUST YET. I WILL BE IN-TROW-DUCE-ING OUR NEW ARRIVE-ALL 2 THE ROPES : - )”

what

“What?” I voiced, because there wasn’t a single other thought in my head more pressing or concerning than the utter and complete disbelief on my face. I _know_ there was disbelief on my face, because I could see it on the monitor!! I could see the bafflement, eyes wide and blinking as my hands were half raised, as if they could physically try to contain or grasp at the source of my confusion. He wanted me to stay put?? but...but I..

“Dr, I _always_ see the new arrivals” I stated firmly, doing my best not to let the confusion in my brain wrinkle my nose nor tug at my upper lip. I could feel it coiling in my head, dangerously, and I needed to keep it under check “i have to get acquainted with them visually so I can find them easier later...it’s my _job_ “

I waited, in 4 agonizing seconds of silence as I waited for him to reply. The screen was blank of words, just the visualization of my own self. I stared at myself, using it as a kind of reference to make myself look as I needed to. Do not raise your hands too high, you are not threatening the doctor. Do not bare your teeth, you are not threatening the doctor. Do not look angry, you are not threatening the doctor.

Do not threaten the doctor.

_you couldn’t back it up even if you wanted to : - )_

I flinched at the thought, taking a step back just as my answer came on the screen

“THIS IS A DIFFERENT CASE, THAT HAS TO BE HAN-DULLED WITH FIN-SSE AND CARE! A DOCTOR’S TOUCH IS NEEDED, NOT THE CLUMESY CLAWS OF GLORIFIED MALL COP ”

...ah. Yes, I had missed the ‘morning’ psa, now hadn’t I? The sting of his words was the slap in the face I needed to calm down, to lower my hands as I let out the air stored in my lungs. It felt...emptying, and left me quietly standing there. Faintly, I could acknowledge the change in my posture on the screen, though I tried adeptly to ignore it. My hands hung from my arms now, shoulders slumped in what could be described as ‘resigned’ posture. My head had lowered a few inches, eyes downcast to the floor as I simply nodded at his instructions

“alright, yes...i understand, Dr. Habit.. I will remain in my room until the curfew comes”

“VERY GOOD!! I KNEWE I COULD COUNT ON YOU!! YOU MAY RETURN TO NORMAL WORKING RIGHT AFTER CURFEW!”

“...understood..” I hated the angle of my head at that very moment. I hated how it looked on the screen, how my eyes looked. I wanted so badly for my hair to hide them in that moment. In that room that felt too stuffy, the sunlight my agonizing spotlight that illuminated every plane and angle of my face at this time of day. At the exact angle the camera was, my face was on display easily.

The twisting of my lips, the scrunch of my eyes, the tenseness of a jaw clenched too tight. What a ridiculous reaction to a off handed insult! Being on the verge of tears, really?

  
_awwwe what, are you going to cry?_

I grit my teeth

_typical_

the sound of the normal psa tune began to fill the air, and my visage disappeared from screen… but I knew better. I knew better than to let go now. Just because _I_ couldn’t see the feed any more, didn’t mean _he_ had stopped watching it. I jutted my jaw, taking a breath through my nose as I ignored the stinging in my eyes for the much more ‘pleasant’ bite of my nails in the palms of my hands. The pain shot through my arms, sending more ‘distressing’ signals to my brain. Much more important, much more _urgent_ than what ever I was about to shed tears for, now wasn’t it.

Yes, it was.

With a dry face I wished to match my sense of humor, I turned my attention towards the clothes I had pulled out of the closet. The floor was a mess now, thanks to my frenzied searching. All that expelled energy, only to amount to nothing but another problem for me to clean up. A typical cause and effect that my life had found itself circling for as long as I could be bothered to recall. Expelled energy to do something, the inevitable failure, and the discarded remains that I had to make sense of, a mess I had to pick up.

With ‘clumsy claws’, I grabbed and snatched at all the clothes on the floor, taking great care to brush and smack each one out and hang them back up in the closet, or fold them away in the dresser. It was methodical, I took painstaking care to go slowly and gently, it wasn’t as if I had anything better to do with my time anyway.

I shot the breeze by tidying up my room until the familiar sound of people shuffling back to their rooms caught my attention. I was already switched into my uniform, going to reach for the handle to begin my patrol

...when my body was suddenly struck cold and frozen. The air caught in my throat, as if the webbing that lived in my lungs had trapped it there. Something was passing out front of my door, something that made the hairs on the back of my neck and my arms raise.

Frozen in place, my hand lingered over the handle as I felt it pass. It was...warm, strangely. A stark contrast to the cold that currently ran through me. I felt rooted to the very spot, invisible tendrils making their way out of the floor to grasp at my ankles and shins, effectively planting me there.

My breathing became quicker as I felt it just on the other side of my door. What was this? Was...was this the new resident?? was this why the doctor had wanted me to stay here?? this presence was familiar, but...strange. Like the sunlight when you lay out in a field or something, some distant memory I wouldn’t let surface entirely. I held it under the water, in the blackened waters of my mind. Out of sight, out of mind.

But I couldn’t shake this feeling of ...what was this, fear? Was this _fear_ I was feeling?? the way my heart was beating unevenly in my chest, accompanied by the shallow gasps I could hear at a distance, but not really feel any more. My eyes were staring vacantly, had I blunk this entire time? It didn’t feel like it, with the way the dark edges of my sight were creeping in. everything had been filed down to one feeling, one second worth of passing that stretched on for what felt like a life time.

And for a moment

just a _brief_ hair’s width of a second

I felt another eye upon me.

Gasping, struggling, I jerked away from the door and fell against the floor, bringing my hands up, as if ready to defend myself. Trembling, unsteady and dazed, I took in lungfuls of ‘air’ as I tried to stabilize myself. This feeling...this _fear_ ...i hadn’t felt it in _so_ long!! not since….not since…

….not since first meeting Dr. Habit, actually.

There could be no denying it then, as soon as that thought took seed in my brain, I was on my feet. My hand reached the door this time, swinging it open as I lurched into the hallway, turning to the direction I knew it had went.

The last room on this side of the dorms, the one without a door. I had known they were going to go to that room, I had wondered if he had planned on installing a door or not. It had really just...been a bit of free space, after all. And it wasn’t as if we didn’t have the _room_ for them or something, there were plenty of empty, door having apartments here!! there were other _floors_ here!! there were but...but he had placed them _here_ .

on _this_ floor

on this _side_ of the apartments.

Literally just one room away from _mine_.

I didn’t notice it at first, and it was something of a distant recognition that I had, but in the time I had taken to step out of my room, I had placed my left arm over my right. The trembling that wracked through me was something I was aware of, even if just barely. The claws in my skin was nothing, just a dull and distant memory. Nothing I could do could calm the rate of my heart, nor the high pitch whine I could feel in my head. No… no, something had changed in the air tonight, and I was unsure if Dr. Habit was aware of it

because whether or not it would prove for the better, or worse...it felt like the good doctor had just let his equal stroll on in through the front gate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a build up chapter, i may introduce 'inbetween chapters' too, once i get some more time to write. between D&D and people and what not, it's some times hardto just sit down and write?? but!! i'm having fun with this so expect more!


	4. Interlude : "First" Impression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hmm, a memory from the past??

sleeping...should have been easy.

sleeping was _supposed_ to be easy, wasn't it? you just..lay your head down on your pillow, or your stuffed animal, or your arm. what ever you happened to have with you at the time, you just...lay your head on it! and whoosh! you were carried off. off to that sweet, delicious dream realm, right?? where beings made of puffy clouds greeted you, and dreams of sweet embraces and respite were supposed to be waiting for you. ready to rest you, heal you, to give you energy to face the new day coming and make your soul bright enough, strong enough, to carry on. that was how it was supposed to be, right?

right??

 _right_???

well, sleep _wasn't_ easy. not for me. a mind full of restless, itchy thoughts, playing old tapes of past regrets and future mistakes on a seemingly endless loop, regardless of my wants or desires. sleep was a foreign concept that only frustrated me when it was presented before me, a necessity i had no idea how to unlock nor execute properly. _'just go to sleep'_ , _'it's easy, lay your head down and think of nothing_ ', _'just relax your mind_ '.

all of this 'advice' made me want to tear my hair out in chunks with the frustration it bred within me!!! ugh!!! they didn't _understand_ , no one **_EVER_ **understood!!! all around me they danced, mocking visages of 'caring' shadows above me, looking down on me, pitying me. what, was i not good enough? my feet weren't _hard_ enough, my tail wasn't _fluffy_ enough, was that it?! because i was lacking a few bones, i was _lesser_?? because i couldn't do the same things, didn't _look_ the same- didn't **_ACT_** the same, i was ** _wrong_**???

the anger bubbled in a aching spot in my chest that felt like it was an open, throbbing wound. fury that tried to encase me and prevent the pain from sinking deeper into my self esteem and self worth, dragging them down with claws that tore the flesh but held firm. i _wasn't_ good enough. i had _never_ been good enough! i wasn't their equal, their _anything_... i was just some scapegoat, something to take their frustrations out on, some one to toss to the side at the drop of a hat...!!

with bleary eyes, i stared up at the eyes that bore down into my own. their dark eyes reflected the freak that i was, the failure i must be to their standards and expectations. i wasn't strong enough. i wasn't **_anything_** enough to their casting shadows. how could i ever live up to such heights? such titles, such magnificence as the rest of-

the sound of shattering glass caused me to lurch forward, claws at the ready and my teeth bared. eyes alert, heart hammering in my chest, i grabbed the first solid object i could and jumped to my feet. true, a pillow was not really a very threatening thing but...well! i was ready to throw it!!! 

"Are you alright Doc??!"

"Oh, do not worrie! it was juste a window, heh"

what. what now? that voice..

as i blinked the sand out of my eyes, rubbing at my face, i took in my surroundings much slower than i should have. i was...in a room, of sorts. if you could really _call_ it that...it had a bed and a wardrobe like closet and uh...very little else. the walls were barren, as well as it's floor. in fact , it...looked like a unfinished construction building. like something had been _planned_ to be here, and then just...was never finished. the bed below me had a mattress and, well, had had a pillow on it, but now that hung from my hand like a sack of potatoes. there wasn't even a blanket...why wasn't there a blanket??

confusion left me twitching, feeling a weakness in my body i didn't have the time to take note of or give the time of day. my gaze fixated on the door...frame. ah, there weren't even doors here? marvelous. what the fuck. where had i woken up to and who the hell had taken me here because whoever it was 

was about to be smothered to death

by this pillow.

with little hesitation, i hopped off the bed. holding my make shift weapon at the ready as i crept forward, i listened to the voices from just outside my room. they didn't sound close, at least. a couple yards away, or more. they also sounded distant, far away...lower?? was i up some where high???

peering over the side of the door, the first thing i took note of was the railings in my way. alright, i was on some kind of landing. a upper floor, as i had suspected and dreaded. peering over that, i could see something of a court yard. it looked...well, like shit. the grass was dead for the most part, and there was construction equipment littered here and there. was that a cement tosser?? mixer...what ever, same difference! it was churning along with it's grey paste, readying it for whatever it seemed the people of this place were doing...

speaking of people, i was able to spot the two who were talking. one was a rather short looking old man, an odd mustache decorated his face and he stood with a bit of a hunch by a...small...puddle of water. the way he stood had me write him off fairly quickly, as his posture was weak, defenseless.... but the one he was looking to caught my attention, making a chill run down the back of my neck

he was tall. very tall, and lord his _hair_. i knew people who would bite their thumb at that hair, it was luxurious. so fluffy, good lord. even tied back as it was, it still looked like a wild and untamed jungle!! it was a kind of ginger color, a bit duller than what i'd consider 'orange' or 'red', but definitely in that spectrum. he stood tall, _looming_ over the other man, even while he wasn't actually doing that. no, his gaze, which i couldn't see, was fixated on the many several thousand shards of glass on the grounds floor. it looked like that had been the window that had been shattered...for what ever reason. 

"Hopefully you got more where that came from, Doc" the smaller man said, reaching out to grab the other man by the end of his shirt and tug him back a little. it took a little bit of time, i noticed, before the taller man even budged. wasn't like that small old man could've done it if the other didn't want it... look at him, he was the fucking green giant. good lord. 

"Yes...I am believening that i do" his voice was low, like distant thunder that made the edges of my mind blurry and fuzzy "Though thate will leav one place withoute one... Owh welle, I will hav to worrie about that later-er" with an indifferent shrug, the man turned, eyes looking skyward...then lower

and i felt my hair stand on end.

his eyes...

"oh!! Goode mornining!! :-D!!!" 

It was him, the man from the storm.

it WAS the storm

panick settling in my throat, my heart hammering adereline into my veins, i turned around and bolted into the room before another word could leave his lips. throwing the pillow, i grabbed the cabinet and threw it in front of the door, making a make shift one for the time being.

fear settled in my bones, made me light headed as i backed up to the bed. i didn't know why i felt this way, i couldn't remember but...i knew one thing and one thing clearly

that man was dangerous. 

that man wasn't normal.

and even more distressingly, as i heard the sound of foot steps coming closer to my room

i knew that the cabinet would not keep him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> while i am in the midst of writing the next chapter, i decided perhaps little 'in between' segments would be interesting, to perhaps unvail some things that may not be touched upon in the rest of the story. will it be too confusing? who knows! lets find out together


	5. Placement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after Flower Kid comes in, Jamie is a little restless

When the sun rose, I was still awake.

this wasn't an uncommon occurrence or anything. sure, it had lessened in the last few months of living here. it was kinda hard not to fall asleep, given the 'air' that i breathed. leave it up to the good old doctor to make sure we were all getting our 8 hours, yeah? couldn't be an insomniac, not unless you _really_ tried.

or were just unlucky.

or unless you had the agitation to fight it off.

agitation was just as powerful as any caffeine. anger bubbled in my veins on a low simmer, keeping it going so that i could be energized on it. the art of it was a fine balance that had taken me many, many unwilling years to perfect. many years of going to school and finding a time when i would doze off in class, only grabbing a few minutes to an hour worth of sleep to just make it through the day. even having learned to make 10 minutes feel like an hour.

but i wasn't even chancing it with that, not right now. i didn't even want to risk laying down, too afraid that the sweet 'air' would leak just enough into my room and lull me off to sleep quickly and silently. instead of that, i sat with my back against the frame of the bed, so that one of the bars was digging into my spine at all times. my legs were pulled tightly to my body, painfully so. i sat in the most uncomfortable way i could picture and act on, making sure my body reminded me constantly of this discomfort

because it was impossible to fall asleep uncomfortable.

and it had worked! i beamed brightly at the sun that began to shine in through my window. ah yes, that bitch. still bright and needlessly so, as always. i squinted tiredly up at it, huffing at the enviable heat that would soon clamber it's way into this room and the rest of the habitat. it was late summer, and yet the weather didn't seem to want to acknowledge that. it didn't want to believe that it's heat was on the way out, and soon the beautiful season of fall would be upon us.

nope! and it's not exactly like this place had the best air system, now was it?? it was enough, yes....ugh, i was losing my focus.

focusing on the world around me now, i heard talking coming from the outside my door. or more to the right of it, actually. slipping out of my bed, i crept over to the door, making sure to set my feet in just the right way to prevent any creaking or cracking to give me away. was some one talking to the new person? i strained my ears to listen..

"sooooo...have you like...seeeeeennn the new kiid yeeet?"

"No, i haven't! they seem to still be sleeping in their room..." shuffling made me frown...i knew those two voices enough to know who was on the other side of my door. 

the first voice was the hippy painter, Dallas Smuth. i didn't have a particular problem with him, he was a rather attractive and pleasant male. the way his hair fell in dreads was a rather interesting sight, especially since it seemed to be the cleanest thing about him. almost every other part of him was covered in paint, in some way, in some shade. but i enjoyed what he created when i caught glimpses of some of his more original work. he was a sweet man... ignoring the fact he was denser than dark matter when it came to the feelings of his 'muse'...of whom he seemed to be bothering, yet again.

"i wanted to get a few pictures of them, but they came in around curfew!! and i don't feel right taking them while they are sleeping!! UGH! THEY NEED TO WAKE UP ALREADY!"

"Toooootaally...i feeeel you on thaaat Mirphy.."

Mirphy Fotoparat, a woman i didn't get along with nearly as well. she was loud, to be around and to look at. she always had her fixation on the next 'best shot' or something. some kind of photographer speech i lacked the knowledge to comprehend. i did like her long dirty blonde hair, and the photos she took could be quite breath taking! but i never enjoyed how she littered them all over the place, nor did i enjoy how abrasive she tended to be when ever i would cross paths with her. ahh...but i couldn't blame her, to some degree. some didn't quite seem to get the hint when she wanted some space

"sooooo Mirphy....i waaas like...totaaaalllly wooondering...."

"Sorry Dallas! can't stay to talk!" the sound of walking away signaled the most likely end of that conversation "I got things to take photos of, some where! not here!.....bye!"

the drawn out sigh from the other side of the door made my chest ache a little, sighing along with him. Dallas, there would be some one out there that appreciated you and your art... but you had to take a hint there buddy, she wasn't interested!!

the foot steps leading away from my door, and the following silence, had me sighing and sliding down the side of the door frame. so, the new kid was a kid, huh? annoyance flickered back into me, but i sighed it away. another kid, another individual i wouldn't understand, but would have to take care of. how old were they? hopefully not like Putunia or Tim-Tam..god _Please_.

_please don't be another Tim-Tam_

while i was silently praying to an entity to hear me and deliver me from the clutches of a master thief in the making, i felt my eye lids growing heavier and heavier the longer i sat there against the door frame. shit, i was starting to feel the effects of using too much energy in a small period of time. i needed that to be able to power me through the rest of the day, and i had spent it all getting up to listen to those two idiots chatter idly.

i sighed, rubbing my face with a less than steady hand. i could've just..gone to sleep, and woken up in the afternoon. seeing as this new kid wasn't waking up when all the rest of them were, and from the sounds of it it didn't' seem like they would be any time soon. staying up had, ultimately, been a waste of my time and effort, and i was mentally kicking myself over it when the familiar sound of the PSA came onto screen

" **GOODE MORNINING!!! DID YOU ALL SLEEP WELL?? FEELING RESTEDED? FEELING AT PEACE?? WELL, IT ISN'T TRUE! THAT PEACEFUL, RESTFULE FEELING. NOPE! IT IS JUSTE LIE YOUR SILLY LITTLE NOGGIN IS SPEAKENING :- ) BUT DON'T YOU WORRY!! THE BIG DAY WITH MARTHA WILL BE HERE B 4 YOU KNOWE!!** "

....frowning at the bright, 'happy' flowers on the monitor, my body sagged further against the door in some quiet defeat. what...was i _doing_ , staying up like this? my job was to Dr. Habit, to make sure that this facility was _safe_...! if i was exhausted like this, i wouldn't be able to do my nightly rounds!!! and the Dr had told me that he would handle dealing with this kid himself... ugh, maybe i was being paranoid. maybe that feeling i had felt before...

no, even remembering it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. the room i was in suddenly felt all the more small, the shadows on the edges of it being chased into their corners by the light of day. it perfectly captured the way i was feeling about this whole mess. that new kid... there was no doubt in my mind that they weren't normal. 

but did Dr. Habit know? was he aware? was that why he told me to stay away?? and if so, why?? there was.. alright, i couldn't lie, there was _some_ possibility that that child could be stronger than i. i wasn't nearly as strong as some of the people who were here.. and certainly not Dr. Habit. some of the beings of this place who blended so well into the rest of the human were much more powerful than they lead on, and it was...understandable, to me, why they wouldn't' simply out themselves for their true nature.

rolling my head to the side, away from the screen, i stared idly at the creeping light and shadows on the wall, lost in thought over the other Habitians. there were some like Trencil who were... it wasn't as if the older gentleman was overtly flashy of his particular life style and being, but then again he didn't quite hide it either. what with the way his eyes would glow in the dark of teh night, or the way his fangs pressed against the bubble gum he would often be caught chewing. his aversion to sunlight and the way he spoke of the past is if he had been there.. the vampire was hardly hidden, and i don't think he minded it that way. then there was his daughter, who i was fairly certain was some kind of half breed of sorts. she aged, so that meant there was _some_ mortal in her...some where. buried deep, deep, deep down under pastel pink hues.

and then there were a few more. a few more like myself and Dr. Habit and this new kid. others who were complete other things entirely. some who just wanted to be other things, but weren't. and...then there was Gerry.

i shuddered.

this was surely a pot luck of different races, all coming in different shapes, sizes and back grounds. all coming to one place for one purpose. the fact that we were all fucking miserable.

i mean, really! there wasn't a single person here who was actually happy!! every one had some kinda of damage. broken hearts, identity issues, abuse issues, eating disorders. there was a whole slew of issues all bundled up into each and every one of them, and it was just... sad. it was really sad.

feeling a stinging in my eyes i didn't want to acknowledge, i rubbed at them furiously and stood up shakily. alright, this kid wasn't waking up any time soon, and i had proved whatever weird point i was getting at. if i got to bed now, i could still get a decent amount of sleep before it was time for me to get on the clock. i could even try to wake up a bit earlier in the evening, maybe catch sight of them in my own time or...something. maybe it'd just make sense if i could get a good look at them.

strolling over to my bed, i fixed the covers, moving to sit...when some movement from the upper tower caught my eye.

there were two figures there, instead of the normal one. baffled, i stared up at it, watching the two silhouettes move between the two viewable rooms. one was Dr. Habit, of this i had no doubt. but the other one was shorter, a dwarf in comparison to him. there seemed to be some kind of conversation happening...but...who was it???

no one was allowed up in the tower any more!!

i pressed myself against my window, staring up at the tower, heart hammering in my chest. had some one broken in? was he safe?? if he wasn't, he'd call for me, wouldn't he??? i would be up there so fast, even without the cards!! panic rushed through my system as i saw the larger frame of the Doctor leave the room, only to be followed by the smaller one. was he alright?? what was going on???!

for millennia i sat in those few minutes, waiting to see something. they had disappeared from view, but i waited. the exhaustion before was replaced by a present fear. should i be racing out over to the tower? to make sure he was alright??? should i try calling him?? what should i be doing!?!

but...he hadn't called for me. he _always_ called for me when he had need of me, it wasn't hard!! just!!! call for me!!! Dr. Habit, I am here!!!

I am _here_!!!!

but my quiet cries were left on read for more and more minutes after, stretching now onto an half hour, and then a full hour. it was a full-fucking-hour before i saw movement again.

my legs were numb, my head was light, but my eyes were locked on the window frames as i saw a frame come into view. it was tall, strong, as always. it was the doctor, and he was alone. instead of going to the left room, he moved now only into the right one, the door seemingly shutting...and he just...stood there.

he could see me, couldn't he? i felt an ache that i couldn't quite place at the lack of cold in the left side of my body. why wasn't he addressing me?? why wasn't he talking to me??? what had happened??? who had been up there???

alone, i crumbled back on my bed, staring up at the tower in a weird mix of relief and disbelief. he was alright, it seemed. unscathed and unharmed. that was good! that was great !...but...

...but why wasn't he talking to me?

it had been a while, sure. a week or two since he had last spoken to me, directly. almost...almost all contact now was between the PSA's and messages he sent out. no one...really _saw_ the doctor, any more. he was just always up there, in his tower....alone. occasionally, i thought perhaps he'd come out at night, like he use to in the beginning. he had to get his meals some times, yeah? he needed to just..walk around, and get out some times, didn't he?

but...he never did. no one ever saw him any more, and that left a bad taste in my mouth. it was flavored like fruit and iron, like eating a honey dew and then licking a penny. it didn't sit right with me, even as i sagged into the frame of my bed. this kid showing up, the doctor staying locked up, who ever that shadow was...none of this sat right with me, and it wasn't going to.

no, i couldn't chance it. i _had_ to see them.

crossing both arms and my legs, one ankle over the other, i sat with a kind of defiant fix on the wall in front of me. i was going to stay up, no matter what it took. 

I would meet this child when ever they woke.

No matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pardon this took so long!! been working heavily on my D&D campaign so my attention has waned a bit. but! still going along with this!!


	6. Mistakes were made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie makes a mistake...and then another, and another, and another.

....I was a fucking idiot.

This was it. this was how i perished. this was when i would meet my maker and find my eternal rest within the soft and crusty sheets of my bed. the bedding would become my flesh, the springs and padding my bones and senew. i would be remade and reborn as one of the autonomous beds that would awkwardly welcome you into their warm, snuggly embrace with open, blankety arms.

because that horrific transformation from who i was into an inanimate object, and the utter awkwardness of having another individuals lay themselves upon me to seek comfort, was _nothing_ compared to the mortification and dread i currently felt weighing down upon me. it felt as if chains dragged themselves across my body, digging deep into my skin and pulling me deeper and deeper into the depths of the reality i now faced, staring up at the dark ceiling above me as i was

for not _only_ had i fallen asleep, as was obvious by the sudden contrast of day to night that it was. no no, i had slept for, what seemed like, an entire _day_.

how did i know this? it was _painfully_ apparent by the _ravenous_ hunger i felt in my gut. my stomach snarled like an unfed beast, getting all the more louder the more awake and aware i became of it. my hand slipped to grip at it, as if i could muffle it's cries with the palm of it. futile, as it growled it's dissatisfaction regardless 

but no, even beyond my body's protests to being mistreated, it was much more apparent of the gravity of my mistake when i looked over to the screen in my room. it flickered, as it always did, happy flowers blowing in some breeze on repeat, with just the simple message on screen to greet me

" **GOODE MORNINING SLEEBY HEAD : - )** "

hearing my hyperventilating before i could actually feel it, fear grasping me so wholely that i felt it singing alive and alight in my veins,i lay there frozen in a state of stupor at the sheer amount of shit i had stepped in. my heart was a thrumming sound, beating so fast that it was more of a single note instead of the beats it should have been.

i fucked up.

i fucked up **_bad_**.

out of bed i shot, only to find my body didn't seem to get the memo of being awake. hitting the floor with a yelp, gasping as i felt the weakness spreading through my entire frame. my legs wouldn't _move_ , my hands wouldn't _grasp_. i was _helpless_ , writhing on the ground as i tried to reconnect feeling to the control of my brain. i had to _move_!! i had to do my ** _job_**!! i had to _get **up**_!!!

" _MOVE_!" I screamed at myself, lips pulling over my teeth as i snarled at my useless and helpless body. fear wasn't enough to move it!? _Fine_!! then **_pain_** would be!!!

for a single moment, i felt clarity. i felt the sting, the pressure. i felt all of it, and it was as if the strings within my body were pulled taunt once more. reconnected and functioning, i was able to take a deep breath around the forearm currently locked in my jaws.

a bad...quirk of mine, to be sure. but no one ever saw, so it didn't really matter. clothes hid such things just fine, and i never was around any one who would press about it. it was just a method to cope, it was just something to make me better. i told myself all of this as i unlocked my jaw and pulled it away from the dull throbbing, my slowing heart beat being counted by the rim of indents now reddening on my arm. it was a little wet, which i quickly wiped off and brushed off as my own saliva. i could wash it when i went to the lounge, i was in need of a shower any way.

with a new sense of calm now washing over and through me, a quiet trickle of sanity that kept me functional, i was able to get out of my clothes and swap them for my work attire, choosing to ignore the sting of my arm as the fabric brushed over the sensitive area. a small price to pay for mobility, a small price to prevent something far _worse_.

for as i glanced over at the screen...it was now just blue. no message, no flowers...i had to get moving.

Once out of my room, the first thing i noticed was the fact that it was _weeeellllll_ after curfew. that was annoying and it caused my heart to pick up it's pace yet again. the darkness of the night was almost entirely blinding, no moon in sight in which to guide me this evening. i was utterly alone, and for some reason that bit harder at me than i thought it should. i had been alone for _weeks_ now, this wouldn't be any different. 

starting on the upper floor, i did my first sweep at a light jog. Dallas's room, Mirphy's room, Tiff's room, Nat's room. all of them i quickly looked over. each and every one of them was locked, which was a good sign. every one was in their rooms, as they should be. i could even hear the faint snoring coming from behind Dallas's, chuckling faintly at it. i wonder how the Painter and the Photographer had reacted to meeting the new tenant?at that thought, i paused, lingering by the open room of the new tenant. without a door to keep them hidden, the darkness instead did that job, making the room as nearly pitch black as the rest of the Habitat was at present. sure, that was true but.....but if i were to walk _in_ , peak my head inside....?

"Hey, what are you doing?"

snapping back from the door frame i was looming at, my eyes locked onto the smaller voice, her eyes glowing faintly in the darkness. not nearly as bright as her father's, but still enough to be noticed. Nat Vancey, an odd surname change to say the least. she stood fairly shorter than i, as she was just a teenager after all. she was in her typical clothes, but she and her father never seemed to change very often...damn vampires

"...Checking in on our new resident.." i stated flatly down at her, taking an unconscious step away from the door as i did so. i didn't like that she was here. why _was_ she here? it was well beyond curfew! and she wasn't nearly as sleepy as she should be... in fact, there was a difference to her i couldn't quite place, causing me to tilt my head to the side slightly. it was like... an aura. an aura i could faintly feel radiating off of her, like soft twinkling lights of...happiness?? 

it confused me and caused me to take another step back. to which she crossed her arms at, narrowing her eyes as she squinted at me "well, you've checked on them. get a move on and get out of here" she huffed, staring me down in a way that made me feel...out of place. since _when_ had i let her bother me so much? since _when_ was i afraid of a _13 year old_!?

"You don't tell me what to do, _Varnnia_ -"

"It's _Vancey_ " she seethed, _immediately_ bothered by that particular button push and i merely grinned down at her and her reaction. feeling a smugness in my chest that helped pushed through the odd, forigen feeling she was giving off. it was helping to dim it, annoying her this way "Not until you _legally_ change it there, _kiddo_. it's only because your _father_ **_allows_** it that any one else will call you by it~"

a hiss ripped out of the half breed vampire, but i simply pat her head in response to it. a gesture both to calm her and to demean. that's right, she was a _kid_. a teenager sure, but **_i_** had more authority than _she_ did. if i wanted to check on the new resident, i _could_...just not right now! and that was because _I_ chose that!

"if you're going to be up and bossing adults around.... you aught to go and take care of your father" i stated cooly to her, moving past her as i went to the stairs "instead of leaving it up to the security guard to lead him to his room _every_ night. he could actually use some love from his flesh and blood."

the "Hmpfh" i heard behind me made me smile, walking away from the silence left there. **_good_** , that'd give her something to chew on. it was her own fault she was so distant from her father...she should _be_ so lucky to have a man like that as her guardian and provider. all he ever spoke of was his flowers and his pride in his daughter...

the smile on my face was wiped off then, annoyance now replacing it as i picked up the speed to go check on the other residential floors. as expected, the only ones not in their rooms were the essential staff...and also Wallus. i lingered by his empty room for a few moments longer, feeling a slight pressure at the absence of the janitor. he had been one of the few i had enjoyed speaking with. he was...had been essential, helping to keep the habitat clean and up to code. he did so much, and i would often run into him during my nightly walks. 

i had..heard, from second hand information, what had happened. how Dr. Habit had... i sighed, rubbing my neck as i walked away from the door. it had happened during the early morning, there was no way i could've been there to stop him. he had picked the right time, just before every one woke up, but just after i went to sleep... that had been another round of insomnia that i had had after that event.

just...never knew he had it in him....not many do have the capability to... live in a _wall_.

sighing deeply, i wandered down the stairways, glancing at the photos and art here and there. 'happiness fakts' and the such that either served to confuse or..terrify. some of them i enjoyed the art of, though others like Martha's message...i did not. but eventually, i reached the bottom of the stairs and walked out into the courtyard and...much to my surprise, everything looked...relatively the same. the gate was closed, the lounge door was not, and Trancil was still in the corner, dozing off idly over one of the flower pots. the fact his crustacean of a child was just a few floors above us and he was STILL out here _infuriated_ me.

normally, i would lead him up to his room, or check on him...however, i simply didn't have the time to linger or dawdle. i was going to have to skip doing the roof top tonight if i wanted to get the rest of the grounds done...hopefully that wouldn't be _too_ much of an issue. so! passing by the sleeping vampire, i went to go to the boiler room

annnnd promptly tripped over.

the sound of rattling chains and my surprised yelp seemed to cause the man behind me to snap to some attention, a tired "my word...!" coming from him as i scrambled to figure out what had just happened to me....there were chains here now???

_what???_

indeed! i found myself righting myself up over a few dozen or so chains that now lingered in this hallway. they had been haphazardly bolted into the walls, and i exclaimed my confusion with a sputtered grunt and look of utter bafflement, grasping onto them to right and steady myself. what?? when had these been put here??

..apparently, the other night. when i hadn't made my rounds..

who had done it??? ...that was an _utterly_ stupid question i mentally kicked myself for even having. it was Dr. Habit who did it, of course. there weren't many in this place who could have the strength to do so, nor the desire to. but...why?? why chain this area off? all it did was lead to the boiler room and the...

the...

...oh.

it lead to the _door_.

my blood went cold, taking a step back as i realized what this meant. it was just another blockade, _another_ way to keep any one, _every_ one, out. holding the chains in my hands, i stared past them with tired eyes... was he really just..avoiding _all_ contact then, with _every_ one?? was this because of who ever had been up there the other day?? had something _happened_??

so lost in my thoughts was i, i didn't realize that the man beside me had been trying to address me. not until a hand rested on my shoulder and caused me to nearly jump out of my skin that is, did i remember he even existed there

"HAH!?" flinching away, my hands came up, raised in some kind of mock defense as i looked to the concerned looking vampire. his eyes were alert, much more than he usually was around this time of the night...why was he so awake??? 

"what, what is it, what..?" i stammered, moving away from the chains and the entrance of the boiler room, not liking how he followed me with his gaze

"I said 'are you _alright'_..?" the man repeated once more, a little more emphasis on the word 'alright' than i would have cared for.

"I'm fine..don't touch me, _no one_ touches me.." i stated flatly, quickly, brushing off his concern both verbally and physically, moving away from him. i gave the dark hallway another look over my shoulder, but decided it was better to just let things run their course. i wasn't in a position to do anything about it right now, half starved and exhausted as i was

"Jamie, _wait_ "

the stern voice of the vampire, however, stopped my hasty retreat to the lounge. turning to look at him, i was met with the faint glowing eyes of the vampire and his pressed lips. i had moved some ways away from his normal standing area, so to see him having actually followed after me was a surprise i didn't quite know how to respond to.

so i stood, staring at him curiously

"Are you _alright_..?" he pressed again, and the way his eyes looked over me had me confused. what was he on about? i had just tripped, it wasn't a big deal. i had fallen from much further in the past, and had been hurt by _far_ worse...

"yes, Trencil, i'm _fine_ " i offered, giving him a little wave of my hands and a smile "i just didn't know the chains were there...kinda slept in the other day. no big deal, won't happen again. you should really get up to your room-"

"Do not try to kid me, Jamie.." his voice was stern, the tone he used making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end "You know _quite_ well what i am, and what I am _capable_ of. i am not decrepit and so decayed that I am not _aware_ of myself and those around me." holding up his arm, he'd gesture to his forearm "what _happened_."

the gears in my head seemed to click into place, and instinctively i covered my forearm, mirroring the one of his own that he held up. the realization of what was happening here made the blood drain from my face so quickly, i figured it'd make my hair go white from shock. 

"...nothing. I'm _fine_ " through gritted teeth i answered, backing away from him and moving for the lounge "Get back to your room"

but the vampire was in front of me before i could even blink, making me jerk back with a slight hiss at the body now blocking my path " STOP... _doing_ that..!"

"I will cease this round about when you _answer_ my _question_. in all of the years that i have been here, there have been _very_ few times i have smelled your blood, Jamie-"

"for good reason. i cut myself shaving, happy?" i sneered, trying to move around him now, much more pressed than i had been moments prior

but he wasn't letting me off the hook that easily, and a quiet kind of panic began to rise in my chest. why was he pressing this so badly? was it because of the smell of blood? there shouldn't have _been_ any, it hadn't been _that_ hard, _or_ deep!

...at least...i was _pretty_ sure it hadn't been..?

but that was besides the point! i was the _guard dog_ here! and he was interfering with _my_ work!!

"For an old man's peace of mind...will you _at least_ have Jimothan patch you up?" he spoke with that stern, yet soft voice, that made my stomach roll into knots. like a snake that was on a bed of coals, it felt like my guts would never untangle again from the way this situation made me feel. it was the kind of sound you heard when you were getting picked up after a bad day at practice. or from the principals office. it made my skin cold and my chest tight "the man is an awful cook, but i suppose he is not a half bad at patching wounds."

"sure sure, whatever, ok- can i go now?" i took a larger step around him now, heading over to the lounge area as quickly as i was able. my hand reached the door before he was able to block my path, and the words tumbled from my lips in an attempt to get the vampire to leave me alone "go back to your room, Varnnia. you've already got a child to look after, and it ain't me"

leaving that with the man, as it seemed to have rooted him in place, i quickly fled down into the lounge to escape that whole happen stance, and try to ignore the guilt that sat with me because of it. ugh, that was a low blow, and i knew that it was. bringing up his parenting distress with his daughter...ugh, it was stupid. stupid, low blow, and guilt already was gnawing away at me from even having let it loose.

i was going to have to apologize later, probably. he was just...being over protective. or perhaps spurred on by the smell? in fact... making my way into the lounge, i ignored the inquisitive sound that came from Jimothan and made a b-line to the bathroom, pulling back my sleeve to give my arm a good look

oh...well shit. the moisture i had thought had been saliva apparently proved to be other wise. i was a little surprised, if i had to be honest. i hadn't thought i had bitten so hard! but the proof was there in the dark red indents, the slight dried blood not doing much to stop the fresh from leaking through. red had stained the inside of my shirt, which wasn't too noticeable as it was a dark blue. but the smell?

no wonder Trencil was concerned, ugh.

"stupid... _stupid_ mistake..." i muttered at myself with a hint of a snarl, throwing the hot water on and holding my arm underneath it. the burn was the punishment, and i hissed at it. i had to clean it, i was going to have to let Jimothan patch it up. this was an absolute train wreck and i kept internally kicking myself as i grabbed the soap and started washing it off.

"Everything alright in there?" Jimothan called, but knew better than to walk in. it was just a courtesy with the lounge bathroom, given the fact we lacked the door to put on there again. couldn't even remember what had happened to it...but something told me it had to do with one too many drinks and Jerafina's singing. whatever the case, it was just polite not to barge in while some one was in there

"yeah uh...yeah.." i muttered, trying to find the volume in my voice, which was quickly failing me. standing there in that pale bathroom, i furiously refused to make eye contact with my own reflection. i was so angry with myself, and even the scrubbing of the wound didn't make me feel any better. just seeing it reminded me of how weak i was "...you're gonna have to break out your first aid there, Jim.."

" _what_??" welp now he was heading over. i heard his much too expensive shoes tapping across the bar floor, the creak of that weird part of the counter that kept him behind, the sound of his breathing as he rounded the corner

and then the gasp that typically followed such a sight

"Jamie! what the-" his exclamation caught in his throat, immediately turning and heading back behind the bar. i could hear his mumbling and questions, but not enough to make out exactly what he was saying...or who he was even addressing, for that matter.

wounds weren't so abnormal here. between tipsy residents, children and poor safety measures, some one got hurt at least once a week, and it ranged on severity. this, on a scale of 1 to 10? for me, it was...eh, a 3. it was bleeding, after all

Gillis falling from the roof? that had been a 7

turning the water off, i started drying off my arm by the time Jimothan called me out of there, sighing as i walked out of the bathroom and back into the bar. the first aid sat on the counter, and the man was wiping down the surface with a rag that's smell made my nose itch

" _park it_ " he ordered, not even a hint of wiggle room in his voice and i sighed at it. great, just another dad who was going to dad at me for some...dad-ly reason. but i needed his bandages, so i did as i was told. parking it on the bar stool in front of him, i lay my wrist out, resting my chin in my other hand with a huff

"it's not that big of a deal, Jim. just a little bite. some antiseptic and some bandages and i'll be fine-"

"who did it." already he was taking my arm, taking a different cloth and wiping it down. the immediate burn and sting made me wince lightly, digging my nails into my cheek for a moment , before relaxing myself. it didn't hurt, i wasn't in pain, it was fine. i just kept repeating that in my head as i felt him cleaning it

"no one. don't worry about it, just patch it up"

"That's not how this _works_ , kiddo." his voice was flat, glaring at me with those red eyes of his. ugh, why did the dad-ly figures of this establishment have to be the ones who were so... _difficult_ to lie to. but i looked at him, my shoulders squaring themselves

"I _said_... don't worry about it, Botch. i'm not in the mood for this...it's not a big deal, won't happen again. just patch it up and i'll be on my way. not feeling hungry.." i huffed, pressing my chin to my hand and looking to the side. i heard him huff behind his mustache, but say nothing more on it as a soothing cream was put on the marks. the drastic change from hot to cold made me shutter, but otherwise we sat in silence.

when he was finished wrapping up my arm, and i heard the click of the first aid being closed back up, i moved out of the bar stool without looking at him. at this point, i just wanted to walk the caravel grounds, make sure nothing but the y'owls were out, and get to bed...i was exhausted

"you serious in not eating kid?" his voice piped up as i had just reached the stairs, but i didn't turn to look at him. hungry? had i been hungry? that felt like such a distant feeling now, the memory of a time when i had eaten food. right now, my body told me it didn't need food. didn't want food.

_didn't deserve it._

"i'm sure. you can have it if you want. or toss it. what ever..." that was all i gave to the older Botch, making my way up the stairs and to the court yard...which was, noticeably, empty now.

with the weight of my mistakes hanging from my neck like stones, i turned to finish up my walk for tonight...my bed was calling me, and all i wanted to do was sleep.

i'd try again tomorrow


	7. Interlude : Misconstrued View

the seconds dragged on, counted by the hammering of the heart beats within me. time had come to a mind numbing crawl, my mind racing ever faster and faster. it felt as if each tick of the minutes passing were days, and i had lived a week in that moment while i waited for my doom.

the clouds outside, dotting and blotching the sky with puffs of white on a lazy blue, shifted just at the right time to block all light from coming into my room. darkness swallowed me entirely, the dull light of day now resting me in this one eternal second.

i could still hear the steps coming closer.

for all the world that had been drawn to slow trickle, his steps had not slowed in the slightest. step, step, step and he was out of the court yard. clack, clackity clack, and he was up the first flight of stairs.

which each step, my mind raced around itself in utter terror. what could i _do_!? i was _helpless_ , i didn't even have a weapon! this room didn't have _anything_ i could improvise well with...! the best i _could_ do was rip the door off of the cabinet and _maybe_ use it as a shield?? but in all honesty, what would that do against.... _that_ man..

a pressure formed in my throat, like a hand weighing upon me, cutting off my air ways as the steps got all the closer. i could hear him, he was just down the hall way now. how soon would he be pushing aside the cabinet, with not much more force than would tear paper?? would he do it with his bare hands, or something else? something dark and ancient. something with red, gleaming eyes and a blue, crooked smile?

covering my ears with my hands, i could hardly feel myself breathing, i was panicking so violently. it coursed through me like a melody of madness. it screamed and shouted throughout every vein and muscle. this was it, i was going to die, wasn't i? or something worse, because he hadn't killed me _yet_..! so was it to be torture? would i be eaten alive?? sacrificed??? _worse_???? **_WoRSE_**?!?!?

i wanted to scream with the thoughts plagued my mind, fear a violent inferno within me as i tried to wedge myself under the bed. it wasn't a very tall bed, so the process was less than graceful, rattling it's metal frame against the wall and floor as i tried to clamber beneath it's mattress. half way under, with only my legs sticking out from it's protection, a realization came so strong through me that i didn't know how i had missed it before

the window was empty, devoid of the barrier of glass.

with my salvation at hand, i clawed under the bed, pushed it away from the wall and scrambled up, reaching for the window frame just as i heard a knock come from behind me. it froze the fire within me, cooling it to a frost as i stared over my shoulder, where the cabinet stood in front of the door. hair standing on end, i could hardly move or utter a sound as i heard another few knocks coming from the door. was this it? was i out of time???

"Uhm...excuse-ing me... r u waken-ing now?" his voice crept in from the edges and corners that didn't quite line up with the cabinet with the door frame, with the door frame itself being a tad bigger than the cabinet itself. so it wasn't hard to see the glint of a orange eye just beyond it. it caught my gaze, held it, and caught my breath in my throat with just the glance-

what..hudda-what?? _orange?_

but...that wasn't what i had seen...

despite this strange abnormality in my memory, i was still an arm out the window, ass backwards out of the underneath of the bed, staring back at him with what could only be described as 'bug eyes'. i...really must've been a sight! in over sized clothes, dirty and messy....what kind of freak was he seeing within this room at this moment?? was he seeing the 'escaped convict', or the 'scared animal'? was he seeing a 'victim', or something else??? just _what_ and _who_ was he staring at with that one orange eye, peering through the door

though despite my internal questioning and monologue, i didn't actually want to think on it any longer. not wanting to find out what ever opinion this stranger had, i moved my leg up to the window, as if getting ready to move out of it.

"whoa! whoa!!" his voice called out, an emotion of panic in his words and what would inevitable follow up such an emotion. i heard it, the easy slide of the cabinet being pushed aside. instinct took over as i leaned towards the open window, sparing a glance downward and to the ground floor. there was nothing but an empty court yard, a tree or two decorating there, enclosed with almost finished walls grey walls. it was a decent enough height, a few floors or stories down at least from where i sat. i was sure it'd-

the sound of the cabinet sliding abruptly out of the way fully had me jerk back. the need to protect myself out weighed my need to flee, and i turned to face my would be attacker and ....a bit of confusion came to my mind. like a drop of soap in sullied water, i felt a slight realization clear my mind. as fear riddled as i was, i wasn't an _idiot_. and i could recognize the fact this man didn't look hostile in the slightest

he stood at the door, hands raised as if in surrender. he had very worn looking hands with strange, discolored parts of them. i could see a few band-aids here and there, and a few more cuts that seemed old. he wore a workers attire, a dirty old t-shirt and some denim over-alls, a few floral patches decorating the clothes here and there. his hair, the dull-gingery color i had seen, was tied back and away from him. though he looked a little frazzled at present, staring at me with a concerned look. there was a nervousness to him i couldn't place, not with my fear still thrumming my heart along and blurring my brain around it's edges

"please, stepe awae from the window! itz not 'safe' tu b standing that close!" his voice was urgent, and that...further confused me, causing me to blink at the sound of it. it was the deep voice, of this i had no doubt. the sound of thunder that had rolled over my head... _hoooooow ever many nights_ ago it had been. his frame and height all matched, his voice but...i couldn't understand, why was he acting so _nice_??? he acted more like a would be rescuer, not the abductor or attacker my fear had painted him to be

shifting my stance slightly, i stared at him shakily, pausing to answer until i could find my voice not as unsteady as i felt "...not until i know what you _want_..." flatly retorting, i kept myself half crouched on the window sill, staring daggers at this tall man as best as i could manage. he was easily 7ft, and those heels probably added a few inches on top of all of that.even with the way he was slouching in on himself, trying to make himself look smaller i assumed, he easily was a mountain compared to me, a simple and uninspiring mole hill.

i huffed at the inadequacy this caused me to feel

"euhhh..." my statement seemed to throw him for a loop, standing there awkwardly as he was with the most quizzical expressions. what, he didn't have a response to that? he was either _very_ smart, or _very_ stupid. responding right away may have come off as too crazy, too at the ready to write away whatever concerns i had...but the longer he pondered, the more uneasy i felt with what could be causing him to think for so long. it was a simple statement i felt, all he had to do was answer what he wanted with me! why was he stalling? was he- wait

i looked around quickly, around the walls, the outside of the building, the ground far below me. paranoia whispered over my shoulder and caused goosebumps across my skin. was he waiting for back up? was he going to jump me when my back was turned!? shit! i had left myself defenseless!!

quickly whipping my head around, my eyes locked onto his immediately, widening them with realization . indeed! he had crept a few feet forward, closer to me! but when my gaze had fallen back upon him, he froze entirely. still as a statue, the man balanced on his toes as he watched me with eyes as wide as my own. we stood in that moment, staring at each other, the both of us looking terrified of what the other might do. like two feral cats with their fur arched and bristled, we stared each other down for a whole minute...until he broke the silence

"erm...tu cee how u ar doing?" his tone made it sound like he was asking _me_ if that was what _he_ was doing, further baffling me. this 7 ft _something_ man, with a fairly noticeable Russian accent, who i was _pretty_ sure wasn't _fully_ human, was acting as if _I_ was the threat here!

was this... _certainly_ this couldn't be the _same_ man i met before, could it???

with disbelief in my eyes and a body not quite up to par any longer, sitting here at the window was now becoming more and more tedious by the second. my leg was going numb underneath my own weight, and i was no longer feeling so confident about the ground far below me being the best way out of this situation. adrenaline had calmed under the confusion and left me feeling a little light headed. so, slowly, i crept out of the window and slid down to the floor, keeping the bed in between me and this strange, nervous green giant.

almost immediately after i was no longer in threat of learning how to sky dive, he seemed to relax whole heartedly. hands lowering slowly as he moved to stand.. _straight_ wasn't _exactly_ the word, but at least with both of his feet now resting flat on the floor. sitting as i was, hunched over on myself with my knees pulled to my chest, i felt like a child compared to him, at this height difference. it wasn't a feeling i enjoyed, all too familiar with the sensation of being helpless, little and weak...

with a huff, i rose to my full height quickly, the action causing the man (who had just begun to draw a little closer) to flinch back. the quick movement made my head spin and a wave of nausea wash through me that threatened to knock me on my ass. but, standing tall, i stared at him with squinted, judgmental eyes

"who are you, and why am i here." it was less of a question and more of a command to respond, my voice strong and firm as i tried to make myself bigger than i was. 'project yourself' as i had once read 'do not let their size control you'

it seemed to be working, for as best as i could tell. the tall man had taken a step back, lowering his hands to his sides, one of them fiddling with a cloth that seemed to be hanging out of his pocket. everything about this man made him seem far less than a threat than his height would incline to believe. or the scar on his lips that i hadn't quite noticed before.

actually, looking him over with the silence i was met with, i was noticing smaller details i hadn't quite before. the bags under his eyes, or the color of his eye lids. the way he never quite opened his mouth fully when he spoke or the slight coppery smell that seemed to follow him-

"My namee is Dr. Habit, annd u arrived here sum daes agoo" he'd shift in place, straightening up a bit more, looking and sounding more confident as he spoke. his orange eyes flickered away from me a few times, but always returned to meet my gaze "cool-lapsed outside! neer tu the waal! i found u annd bra-ut u incide" there, even then, he never really opened his mouth fully. it was...off putting. his voice wasn't muffled in the slightest, even with how little his lips seemed to move..

but...what he said lined up with my foggy memories. half lit scenes of running through a pitch black forest, coming upon the only light i had seen for miles...the smell of upturned dirt and rain, the feeling of a pressure and scent of something sweet covering all in a fog and haze. the trees hardly protecting me from the wind and rain of the storm that had rumbled over head. like some great, snarling beast, it had hounded my steps as i ran. just...running...always running.. until..

eyes of crimson, and a crooked smile of cyan

i flinched away at the memory, hazy with the taste of mint and something i couldn't quite place. collapsed? near the wall? i remembered that much, yes.... but admitting tha _t he_ had found me only set my alarms back in full blazing glory

"if _you_ found me..." i started, but was interrupted by another voice

"all good in here Dr??" a strange, slightly country accent rang from behind the tall man, causing us both to flinch at it, the 'good doctor' a little more so than i. coming in from the outside area was the strange man i had seen before. his pale olive hair hung around him as he hobbled into the room, his mustache looking like the tail end of a mermaid. i recognized him vaguely as the individual who had been speaking with this nervous green giant outside.

something about him made me sit up a little bit straighter, the way he spoke reminding me of the white caps of the ocean and the smell of the salty wind...as well as the drying seaweed and sea life that washed up on the beaches at times, rotting on it's hot sands under an unforgiving sun. it was an odd mixture of smells and feelings that it gave me, and i wrinkled my nose as i hid behind the bed

"ah, Marv. i was jus see-ing tu our late-est Habitian!" smiling slightly to the man beside him, Dr Habit focused his gaze back on me "tho, they ar seem-ing tu b quite de-stressed at present..;;"

distressed? _distressed_?? i glared at the man from over the bed sheets, as if my steely gaze could cut him like a knife. it made him shrink under my gaze, and i was pleased by that. i wasn't _distressed_! i was **_ANNOYED_**. i didn't _know_ where _i_ was!! this _strange_ man and his funny way of talking was coming _near_ me!! i wasn't in my original _clothes_!!! what the **_fuck_**!? all of this screamed 'secret cult' or 'kidnapping in the making' or some kind of weird shit like that!! i'd have to be insane to not-!!

that internal comment upon my sanity caused me to stop short, huffing out annoyance as it cooled me from within. legally speaking, i _was_ insane... not that these two _bozos_ needed to know that. in fact, without _anything_ identifiable on me...

"well howdy there!"

a voice too close to me caused me to yelp, hitting my head against the wall and losing all of my train of thought as i stared up at the weird old man now perched on my bed. when had he gotten there? how had he moved so quickly?? the questions buzzed around in my skull, being eaten away at the edges as i felt an odd darkness coming over me

the sound of concerned questioning didn't really seem to break through as i was pulled under into a unplanned unconsciousness...hmm, guess i hit my head harder than i thought


	8. Marching

the days that followed after that night were.... _hectic_ , to say the least.

one thing right after another, it felt like there was no _end_ to all the changes and occurrences now happening within the Habitat. the small, terrarium like area, once a well managed and slowly cultivating garden, was now acting more like a kettle of assorted popcorn kernels. popping up with new situations and new, unexpected twists.

the first oddity to occur was two nights after my blunder. i ended up avoiding the courtyard on one of the nights, still feeling shame and an uncomfortable pressure at having to correct my sleeping schedule. so i had walked the terrance and the hallways, avoiding contact with the lower levels and not allowing my eyes to wander downward. so on the third night, under a dark and moonless sky, i noticed there were no glowing eyes in which to greet me on my walk.

Trencil was not by his normal place.

i was shocked, to say the least. what had happened? had his daughter _finally_ started taking care of him? did he move to his room on his own? it was hard to say, standing there in the court yard without another soul to tell me. all i could take note of was some _very_ vast differences of this once stagnant area. the new flowers, the missing locket, the pipes new direction...and the _cut chains_. any number of these things would've been alarming on their own, to say the least! but... _all_ of them, at _once_??? was this because of the new resident? i couldn't believe that it was Dr. Habit...it seemed so against _everything_ he had said and done!

standing by the flowers, i gave their face like petals and bulbs an odd glance over. i hadn't seen morning-blooms and after-noons in quite a long time...even taking the moment to crouch down, letting my fingers run along the sleepy stem of their frames. taking care of flowers like these was quite the difficult feat...they usually only grew in very certain climates! and were quite finicky about where they were planted. huffing gently at the flowers, i had left them as they were...didn't see the point in enforcing the 'no flower' rule. it was only three after all...what harm could they do?

now the _locket_? it had belonged to Ronbo, a 'memento' of his relationship with Tiff. the big lug had sniffed and sobbed over it long enough that, eventually, our resident thief figured out it was valuable. though, when she realized it really wasn't in the monetary way, it had been thrown off the side of the building and dangled from the Lounge sign for...just about ever now. (a few weeks in all honesty)

so the fact it was gone now had me squinting accusingly up at the sign, as if it could reveal upon to me it's secrets of what had transpired during the waking hours of this establishment. but it was silent, as most of this place was at this hour. only the steady breathing of Martha from the carnival grounds kept me company as i inspected the pipe. it was just a random pipe that had been left after construction. the theory had been to hook it up to a hose of sorts, to help water the ....well, it was just a pipe now. and it had been turned, it's angle more towards the lounge now....i was starting to get a better idea of what may have happened. that child, Millie? she had snuck in some golf balls and a club. had that been the 'weapon' of choice in this event? the trajectory was quite on point...and i was rather impressed that the pipe could've been moved at all

hadn't i turned it as tight as it could go??? i could've sworn..but i brushed that off. some one could've gotten an adult to help. there were no shortage of do-gooder adults who wanted to please the kids around here.

so that left the cut chains. a chill ran over me as i stood by the entrance to the boiler room. it felt... _wrong_ , even _considering_ going in there. sure, it had been on my walking route _before_ but....but _Dr. Habit_ had _personally_ closed it off, and for a _reason_. just because some newbie resident (of whom i assumed did this) had the _gall_ to sneak past there, didn't mean _i_ was going to be the same. i straightened up, huffing in the direction of the 'off limits' area and went to the rest of my walk.

i skipped seeing Jimothan that night as well. the bandages on my arm were not healed enough for me to want to deal with his fretting...i'd speak to him the next day, when i felt more mentally stable to deal with it.

...but the next following days only brought even _MORE_ confusion!

i was greeted with the sight of one of the residents, Gillis. or more so his _face_ on the large screen. i never quite knew _why_ Habit wanted a screen there...i think it was for PSA's as well as other things?...but it was usually just trained on the _lounge_ any more. so with Gillis's face there...he..it.... _huuuuuhhhhh???_

it was just a _photograph_!? that...this wasn't _right_. why was there a _photograph_ of the bouncer there?? was he... was he trying to sneak off of work?? or had some one else placed it there, without him knowing??? i surely didn't have these answers, and picking them up after the fact was beginning to become a agitating pass time. with a grimace on my face and a note being written on my clipboard about this, i began walking the carnival grounds now, looking pointedly for clues and anything out of place from the norm. and the first few things i noticed was a few _holes_ dug up here and there...what did _this_ mean??? who was putting _pot holes_ in our **_flooring_**!?!

what the _fuck_ was going **_on_**!?!?!

the attendants sleepily twitched and flinched around me as i stood there, ogling the oddities of all of this. it felt as if everything i had known was being uprooted, small stitches being pulled taunt and, with too much pressure, slowly unraveling the pattern of the Habitat. these holes were dangerous! they couldn't' go unchecked...had it been Trencil? _Putunia_?? maybe **_Millie_**?? **ahhh**!!

it had taken the _rest_ of my patrol to fill in all the holes, having to dodge over the roaming y'owl and ignore the soft, sleepy laughs of the attendants around me. they didn't particularly bother me, but they were also denser than doornails, despite their papery bodies. they couldn't really help me with much, and really they only reported to one person...they wouldn't be able to lift a shovel to fill in the holes, nor tell me who had caused them. so i ignored their giggles as i went to work, spending hours filling the holes and then returning to my bed. exhaustion had claimed me wholey, and i was very much looking forward to sleep

so when the _next_ interruption to my sleep pattern came, i was less than prepared (or really mentally stable) to face it. the sound of a familiar drab voice was megaphoned and magnified, muffled yes by my door, but easily identifiable as Trencil.

my eyes snapped open and i shot up out of bed. it was about midday, as far as the position of the sun told me. what was going on? why was Trencil's voice so loud??? whaT WAS HAPPENING _NOW_?! as quick as i could, i threw on a shirt and rushed over to my door, tripping over my own tired legs and crashing into it, it swung open and let me out onto the banister, grasping the railing as i stared down at Trencil and....!

for the first time in a few _days_ , i felt all of my hairs stand on end. had i not felt this way the night prior, standing in the midst of a darkened court yard and tripping over holes and y'owls? no, not particularly. neither had i come this close to such a feeling of dread when the sweet 'air' of the habitat starts to sink in too heavily, deadening my limbs from me and leaving me a helpless heap on the floor, or worse. 

no, the hair on the back of my neck stood at at attention, my eyes fixated on the individual. i had caught the glimpse of this feeling some days prior, through my shut door. it crept over me, like snaking tendrils, slithering vines that grasped and wrapped around me. they crushed my rib cage, making it hard to breathe as i stuttered out the struggled and strangled breath in my lungs. the child stood about chest height to me, probably a pre-teen or teenager then, if i knew anything about kids (and i didn't.) they had an over sized looking sweatshirt on, a soft green color that had some kind of sun or floral design on the front. a pair of yellow shorts or... short pants, what ever those were. and a....hat, as far as i could tell. it looked like some one had taken the head of a flower and just stuck it on them as some sort of cap.

to each their own, i suppose

in all honesty, from design and mannerisms that i could see, there was nothing that _should_ have been so off putting about this little flower child. they _hardly_ looked like they knew how to have proper _brushing_ habits, let alone have any kind of power or _presence_ that would unnerve me so. this _child_ shouldn't cause me to feel a cold sweat break out across my skin, make me swallow shakily and grip the railing all the tighter, feeling the metal groaning under my grip. fear was beginning it's melody within my blood, and i was _desperately_ trying to keep it in check. this was ridiculous, it was just a _child_!!

the child in question was currently speaking with Trencil, the vampire looking rather cross with them. he was saying something, but without what i could only assume had been a megaphone, i could hardly hear him over the normal day-to-day habitat noise. the man was a rather reserved and quiet individual, only ever raising his voice...in _very_ rare situations. in all honesty, i normally never even saw him with nothing but a indifferent look...but now? he looked alight, something having _genuinely_ sparked an emotion from him...was it the _child_??

it was hard to say from the railing, but i watched regardless. i watched as this Flower Child bowed a few times to him, doing something strange with their hands, then scurrying off- thE BOILER ROOM?! oh that... _THAT_ -!!! Mm!!! they **_HAD_ **cut the chains then!!! oh i was _furious_ , twisting my hands on the railing as i watched them disappear out of sight. they were probably off to go talk to that one Garbo kid... _oooo_ i was so _mad_!!

i was _so_ mad in fact, i didn't hear the voice behind me call out a few times. not until there was a snap near my ear did i flinch away, letting out a quiet hiss at the small teenager standing to the right of me. Oh great, it was Nat.

"Buzz off, _Vancey_ " i seethed, not giving the half-breed a second longer to get a thought or word out. i could hear the scoff in her voice and her gearing up to retort, but the door to my room was shut before she could even get a word in edge wise. i was not in the mood for her sass nor her attitude at present, my mind was currently buzzing and spinning too much for that.

making sure the door was locked, i shakily headed back to my bed, pulling the blanket up to cover myself from the outside world as i buried myself into it's comfort. i knew i _needed_ to go back to sleep, but....first i had to figure out what to _do_.

it was obvious now to me that this child was _changing_ things. changing the _Habitat_ , changing the _Habititans_!! they were doing _something_ , something i couldn't wrap my head around. it felt foreign, it... _scared_ me. and i couldn't imagine that it was anything that Dr. Habit was alright with...let alone be _permitting_! how was he letting this go _unchecked_??? it...it didn't make any _sense_..!

it _didn't_ make sense, and _that_ was something that hung around my mind, spinning around me like a crib bassinet. it played distorted melodies of the PSA announcement jingle, inverted on itself so much that the notes began to crash into each other. despite the chaotic cords and noise that played on endless loops in my mind, i was able to pick out a strange set of noises that almost sounded like a conversation outside of my door...

"Yooooo... Ankle biiiiteerrrr.....was that like....the securrrrity guaaard?" 

"I told you, It's Nat Vancey to you...and yeah it was, what of it?" there was a huff and a swift knock to the door, as if some one tiny and furious had kicked it "didn't even let me get a word out edge wise! he looked like he had seen a ghost"

there was shuffling, the door handle jiggling a few times 

"Whoooa....it's like...tottaalllyyy locked.."

"No duh, Dallas"

"well like.....i was just wonderin' if heeee was like...doooin' alriiiight. haven't seeeen his face round these parts siiiince..." there was a drawn out silence, i could almost hear the gears clicking into place in Dallas's head "...s'beeeeen a few moooonths, at leaaaast"

" _months_? you mean that _bozo_ use to be out and about? i find _that_ hard to believe"

the venom on my tongue boiled and bubbled, and i debated on my status of trying to go back to sleep when i heard the other speak on my behalf

"ohhhh tooottaallllyy...usta get up rrroooouund the 'noon time maan... even usta do sooommme paaaaintings with meeeee...think i haaaava fewwww stilll....haven't beeen aaaaaable to paaaassss them back to hiiimmm" there was another silence "...buuuut annny waaayy...yeeaaah, he totalllly use to be aroooouund....but i haaaaven' seeeeen him since some tiiiimmme agooo... bout the saame tiiimmme Habit stopped commminnn out toooooo"

"that just means he's just as bad news as that Quack Doctor than too, at least in my book. i don't trust him, always sneaking about at night, doing heck knows what"

"whoooa but....don't you...and liiiike...your popsss....do that tooooo?"

the silence that lingered ended up stretching on longer, and i could only assumed Nat had scared him off, or left. wasn't Dallas's fault he was right, just because she didn't want to admit it wasn't his fault. there were only a handful of Habitiains who were up past curfew, and even fewer who were allowed to be. Myself, Jimothan, Wallus and Kamal were all of the night staff...and it was just down to Jimothan and me now. Trancel was left alone, due to his own nature. and Vancey well...she got away with it because she was too _short_ to keep track of.

the insult made me chuckle, rolling over in my bed and facing the wall of my room. the mirth faded, however, leaving me spinning with the actual cold fact of that situation. yeah, we had lost Wallus, and Kamal had only just recently been set on the 'non-essential' listing, as of a week or so ago. i don't know what Bora had done, and i hadn't seen him. i assumed he avoided hanging out at night for the _distinct_ reason of avoiding me, and that was just fine by me.

didn't like to keep company with _traitors_ any how.

Wallus was one thing sure, but what could've prompted Kamal to get into some kind of fight with Habit? it infuriated and frustrated me. he was his _assistant_ , after all! he was the one who got to go up in the tower, and help with details even _I_ didn't know about!! he had the fancy key-card and _password_ and all that... _that_....!!

i huffed, rubbing my face against the cold wall and groaning into it. petty jealousy aside, the fact it was just down to me and the eccentric bartender exhausted me. we were doing the work of 4 or 5 people...and Dallas's reminder of a time before i was the night-watch had stirred up a stinging sensation in my eyes, and a tightness in my chest.

but that was all in the past now. i couldn't fail at this job, i had to do my _best_. i _had_ to do it, there was no other option. which is why i _had_ to get back to sleep! just...go to sleep Jamie! _go to sleep!!_ Jamie!

"Jamee"

" ** _Jamee_** "

snapping upwards, i glanced around my room, breathing quickly and fearfully as i had heard the voice. where? _where_ was he? what did i need to do? _where_ \- the _moniter_.

my name was written on it, blinking faintly a few times. but as my eyes settled on it, it quickly changed

**":-) I FIGORED U WERE STILL AWAKE, YOU NAUGHTY INSOMNIAC"**

"...s-sorry, i was woken up by uh...the noise in the court yard" i lowered my head to the screen, and despite the lack of sound, i felt the as if i could hear the disappointed tone in his voice. the blue screen flickered onto the typical floral design, and the jingle of a PSA rang through my room

**"YES, I AM 'AWARE' OF THAT. IT IS WHY I AM CONTACT-NING U NOW! :-) I WILL B REASIGNING UR HOURS, STARTING TOMORROW!"**

i felt the dumb founded expression on my face, staring at the screen in disbelief. reassigning my hours?? _why_?? and to _what_?? and **_when_**??? but i didn't need to question this, because Dr. Habit continued

 **"STARTING TOMORROW, U 'WILL' BE GETTING UP IN THE AFTERNOONS AGAIN, AND THERE IS REA-SON! UR NEW JOB IS KEEPING AN 'EYE' ON THE NEW RESIDENT! :-D"**  


...he _had_ to be kidding...

he was assigning me to _baby-sit_.

"..s-sir, in all honesty, couldn't some one like Kamal or Wallus or... _any one_ else do that? i'm not exactly the best with children" i gave a half smile, fidgeted with the sheet "also who will be doing the night watch?"

**"O THAT IS-N'T 4 U 2 WORRIE ABOUT, SILLIE! :-) I AM PICKING U B CUZ U R X-ACT-LY WHO IS NEEDED! NO 1 ELSE. ONLIE U!!"**

a lump lodged in my throat, feeling thick as i tried to swallow. sure, some part of me felt honored, fluttery even, that the doctor was picking ME to do this. but... the fear from before also rose it's head, making me second guess this. i'd be switching my sleeping pattern again, and i'd be watching out over the new resident?? all the time or...i guess just until curfew... but what did that _mean_? i had to...

"are you saying you want me to engage with them or just..watch over them..? do you want me to try to stop them from what ever it is they are doing?" i tilted my head, staring at the monitor and it's " **:-)** " face, waiting for a reply. i would honestly feel weird if he wanted me to try stopping them..i didn't see that going well, in broad day light, with the others around...

**"YES, I WOULD 'LIKE' YOU 2 INTERACT WITH THEM. FIGURE OUT WHAT THEY R UP 2, AND PUT A WRENCH IN THEIR PLANS. THEY R B-COMING VERY À̶͓Ġ̵̙Ğ̸͙̺Ṙ̸̜͍Â̸̫̜V̴̯͎̿Á̷͇̮Ṫ̶̟̥̚Į̷͖̄N̷͈͇͘Ĝ̷̯:-)"**

the way the screen flickered between the floral imagery to that of a dark court yard made me wince, a high pitch whine that had me nodding lightly to make it stop "a-alright, yeah...i'll try to do that then uh...so...is tonight my last night of walking the Habitat..?"

**"YES INDEEDY DEEDILY DEED! UR 'REWARDS' WILL B LEFT SUMWHERE U CAN GET THEM AROUND CURFEW. DONOT DISAPPOINT ME, JAMEE. :- ) I 'WILL' BE WATCHING"**

"..understood Dr. Habit..i'll do my best" my voice was hardly audible, and i lowered my head slightly as the screen flickered to blue, and then off. sighing tiredly, i flopped back in my bed, pulling the blanket up and around me, cradling my trembling frame in it's comfort and warmth

trying to ignore the pounding of my heart and the smile on my face.

things were _changing_.


	9. Wrench

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie finally meets Flower Kid face to face

just like had been promised, i was woken in the afternoon.

the sound that jolted me from my sleep was a sharp noise, something of an electronic screech that lurched me forward with a yelp. scrambling, eyes wide but not seeing, i hit myself into the wall and slid in between it and the bed, immediately putting myself out of view of what ever unseen danger i was waking to. 

heart hammering in my chest and my skin alight with the fear that coursed through me, i peaked over the side of my bed, my senses coming to me slowly and in small increments. my hearing seemed to come back first, a faint ringing that remained from the loud sound that had been used to stir me. my sight came next, focusing on the screen on the other side of the room, and the " **:-)** " that played on it

so with the auditory and visual cues slowly being jig-sawed together in my brain, i huffed tiredly at the screen as i got out from between the bed and wall. my wake up call was apparent and my new job would not be something it seemed i would be allowed to miss, no matter the cost to the years shaved off of my life span from that 'alarm'. agitation flickered in my chest as the smile flickered away, leaving behind the normal PSA's that would run. i didn't need the reminders right now, i needed to get dressed for work.

so as i walked over to my closet, already stripping out of my nightwear and going to recover my casual clothes, i noticed something quite odd about my closet.

the fact that there was something already hanging from it. 

typically, i had about maybe four to five pairs of clothes. the ones i would laze about in, the ones i would go outside with, my sleep ware, my work wear, and a few extras that could pass as just about anything. they had all been donated or gifted to me for one reason or another, given the fact i had nothing but a jacket when i came here.

so as i stood there, staring at the article of clothing, i huffed at it with disdain. the note on it read loud and clear, ' **4 UNDERCOVER WORK :-)** ' and it was pretty hard not to realize it was what i was expected to be. needed to look and act the part of 'fellow habitation' and the such like. like i was one of them. like i had a _problem_ or _disorder_ that had me being here.

....i shrugged off the feeling of foreshadowing that brought and quickly just began dressing in what i was expected to don. it looked like my old jacket, but stylized to not function so much like it had. the pants were open at the bottom, kinda flared out. it was all a little over sized, but that was comfortable for me and the way my anatomy just seemed to work for that. the clothes were quite nice, i had to admit. it was made out of a durable fabric, but nothing that was scratchy or uncomfortable. perhaps a bit on the heavier side, sure, but with the cooler season coming up and the cold winds we tended to get in this area, that would hardly be an issue. once i had it on, turning this way and that to get a good look at myself, i realized it had the same kind of cut and make as my night guard garb. 

the realization sent a flutter through my chest, shaking my hands and arms lightly at the giddy sensation that coursed through me. breathing steadily, i ran my fingers through my hair...and began messing it up quite a bit. he didn't want me to stand out too much, so brushing it and tying it back wouldn't be required. the more 'at ease' i looked, the better i'd be able to pass off as some one here with some kinda sob story to sell.

...which made me ponder, what was i going to do to stop this new resident? Dr. Habit wanted me to be a wrench, sure...but what did that entail? they were just a kid, a pretty nosy looking but well meaning kid...

i hmm'd and huh'd like a blocky villager for a few moments, making sure i didn't look like the silhouette that wandered the grounds at night. i could probably pass as either a new or an old resident. it's not like every one was always out of their room and in the open any way. Marv typically couldn't be found unless he wanted to be, and Randy tended to stick to his rooms or some other small, secure space. the man was a prey-animal in a human form, and i could smell the inability for confrontation from him from a mile away.

that and pickles. he _always_ smelled of pickles.

that internal rambling aside though, i gave myself a final inspection, deemed myself presentable in the way that was required and went to the door of my room. i wasn't sure where the kid was, so i'd have to be sneaky. already i had an idea of where i could camp out, some where that no one would suspect an individual to be, but not so out of place that i couldn't be found by an overly zealous pip-squeak. i had heard that they liked to explore all the nooks and crannies of the Habitat, even getting into some not-for-public-viewing- areas tucked away here and there. so it would seem the smart idea to take the corner of the court yard, just behind Martha. none of the others would see me or take note, and my conversation with the new resident would be masked by the sounds of Martha's 'sighs'.

creaking the door open, i did a careful glance of the area, immediately noticing Nat hanging around, as she typically did. little brat didn't like the sun any more than her father, and was just about as perceptive as him too.

drat.

i closed the door, leaning against it and peering around the room. i did in fact have a large window i could most likely climb out of, but the drop from it, even if it would most likely not kill me, would certainly be noticeable to those who liked to lurk in the court yard.

another drat.

suddenly dawning on me that it was the afternoon, i became heavily aware of the fact i didn't know how to move around the residents when they weren't either in their rooms or mildly sedated by the 'air' of the night. how was i supposed to get past Nat, or really any one? Ronbo always was by the gates, and if he didn't see me, then Trencil certainly would.. and then out in the court yard, that small boxing child would either try to hit me, or chase me around like she had a few times. i dragged my hands down my face, sliding to the floor with a sigh... the best i would be able to do was deal with Nat, get to the stairs...and maybe i could shimmy my way out of one of the windows there and walk the wall over to where i needed to go. if i was stealthy enough...no one should really take notice..

quickly looking over to the window, and debating on the height of the fall again, i stood up, smoothed my hair, and opened the door.

i didn't give her even the time of a glance, shutting my door and hurrying down the hallway, i quickly made my way over to the stair case. all i had to do was get to the second or bottom floor, and i-

"Heeeeeeeeeyyy Jaaaammiiiiiie"

triple drat.

how could i forget about Dallas!? of _COURSE_ he was lingering here! he liked to sit in the stairway, it was a nice place to 'sun and sketch' as he had called it once. the man was sitting there, looking up at me with a sleepy smile and bright eyes. he actually seemed to be sketching something different for once, not something to appease Mirphy..?

i pressed my lips and concluded that had to do with the new resident. "Hi uh...bye" i quickly dismissed him, hurrying down the stairs as fast as was safe for me to do. my ankles weren't the strongest, curse my father's side of the family, so i didn't want to chance rolling it and taking a tumble. didn't need to break my face on the job, now did i?

"heeey waiiit!" i heard Dallas call, but I wouldn't. i wouldn't stop for idle chatter from some one who hardly knew me. the man was friendly, i'd give him that. but he didn't know a damn thing outside of himself, and i was sick and tired of hearing about HIS art, and HIS interests, and HIS desires and all HIS thoughts. maybe he could get away with that with his art, in fact that was all art really was, now wasn't it? but i didn't have the time to listen to him stroke his own ego at me. i had a job to do. 

so brushing him and his existence off, i got to the bottom floor, taking a quick look around. it didn't seem like any one else was in the stairwell, and that was just fine with me. didn't need some other resident thinking it was a good idea to try and 'talk' with me. what did they want any way in doing so? not certainly to listen to a damn thing i had to say, that was for fucking sure. even as i scaled up the wall, i fumed over all of the conversations i had had with the people of this place. some of them, i conceded, did seem to be genuine in some concern or another, but it was always either with a motive or with misplaced guilt. the two fathers of this area only worried over me because they couldn't fret over their own children. the children of this place only ever wanted to use me as a play thing, or something to throw their frustrations at. and every one else was so wrapped up in their own problems, they couldn't see another drowning person in the same sea as them!

with a huff, i pulled myself through the window, jumping down onto the wall and staying still, glancing over both the inside and outside of the Habitat for any witnesses. it seemed, at present, they within the walls were distracted. Putunia was currently playing 'whack-a-molar' as vigorously as she could, while Gerry watched on. i could see Gillis standing over by the tree, seeming to be playing with some kind of toy...a bear perhaps? i couldn't tell from here. and Parsley was over in his corner, per the norm. too starved to be any kind of perceptive i could only hope. 

i did feel for the man, truly i did. with his anxiety and distress, he had worked himself up into an eating disorder of sorts. i felt bad for him, he was one of the less offensive ones here, and there was little that could be done for him when it came to meals. though, i knew that was only because of his underlying issues with his father, the resident bartender and 'chief' of the lounge, but that was when my understanding and sympathy ended.

he had a father he could talk to, and didn't. what ever issues he had after then were his own choice to bare.

frustration helped me along, crouched as i was and balancing as best as i could, i shuffled along the wall and over to Martha. the clouds she breathed were denser here, and i could taste them on the back of my tongue when i breathed in too deeply. it was going to be a bit of touch and go being this close to her, but as long as i didn't over exert myself, i should be just fine...

sitting down on the wall, i threw myself over the side, dangled by my arms and braced myself as i let go, landing on the ground with a decent thud. one of Martha's deeper breaths would chug on out, masking the sound nicely. i could kiss her, if i didn't think it'd send Dr. Habit into some kind of frenzy.

shaking my head of the thought, i crept around the side, risking a glance around. it was afternoon, so the little pip-squeak should be making their rounds around here soon ,yeah? because honestly, where _else_ would an overly helpful little tyke have to go _other_ than the court yard? surely they would be worrying over Parsley, as good as bait as any to use. in fact, every one here was a good kind of bait! it assured that my waiting would be fruitful, and that my target would in fact appear.

so about an hour and a half into waiting, that said target appeared just where i thought they would. having watched the gates (albeit passively at this point, since i had gotten bored and started staring around while i day dreamed and schemed) i noticed the telltale green jacket of our new resident as they passed by Ronbo with a smile. they really weren't that tall, coming up to my midsection if i had to wager a guess on it. their flower cap still affixed to their head, they were carrying around a kind of...well i could only assume that was a flower delivery bag of some sort. there was some flowers in it i could see. it was nearly the size of them! it made me snicker slightly, watching them walk around with it.

they hadn't taken notice of me yet, so i watched as they walked over to Putunia. the over eager little girl was more than happy to see them, i could hear her clearly from where i stood, despite Martha's deep breaths

"HELLO RECRUIT! TODAY YOU HELp in THE FIGHT AGAINST THE GREen meNACE!" annnnd i tuned it out with an eye roll, sticking my tongue out as i looked off to the side. Putunia was always a little terror in the Habitat, with that boxing glove of hers, she'd go around hitting some of the other guests if given the chance. she had tried to bop me more than once, and had gotten lucky a few times with my legs when i hadn't taken notice of her. i couldn't say she hit very hard, but it still hurt when you weren't expecting it. shaking my head, i focused back on the children, watching as this child, Flower Child i suppose, was just smiling and nodding along with Putunia. weren't they going to say anything? or were they just pacifying the child by not putting up fuss with her demands? either way, soon they were waving her goodbye and heading out across the courtyard...over to Parsley, like i expected. such a worry-wart they seemed! and i grinned at it. it'd be easy to make this kid stay in one place, if they wanted to play 'the mouse who removed the lions thorn' so badly. 

i scurried to the other side of Martha, watching them as they hurried over to Parsley. he was leaning against the wall with that briefcase of his, staring vacantly up at the sky when the Flower Child came over to them. given the man was much more soft spoken than the child they had seen before, i couldn't really pick up what they were talking about. i could watch as they spoke and talk...or, Parsley spoke and Flower Child just nodded or shook their head. silent, again? how peculiar.... i rested my hands on Martha, straining to try to hear anything of the conversation. maybe they were just being overtly polite? not wanting to interrupt the man with the strange speech impediment? or maybe they just were shy? all of my reasonings covered a thought i didn't really wholy want to entertain, because that was going to be a very....morally questionable thing, for me.

but alas, Martha did the exact job i had wanted her to do, blocking out all noise around us with her deep breaths and sighs. i couldn't catch a single word the man was saying, just his expressions as he no-doubt called something some kind of food based thing. i found it cute, if i was honest with myself. i didn't know if it was something he always had or if it was something that came from his eating disorder, but the names and swapped up words seemed to have some logic in them. either they sounded similarly, or that was the food that reminded him of what ever it was he was talking about. the handfuls of times i had spoken to him, he had called me a 'cypress' at one point, and 'Jelly' on more than one occasion. it amused me, and i had enjoyed speaking with him when i had the time. i could understand the inability to eat from time to time, as stress could do that to you-

Flower Kid was on the move

shit! wait, how was i going to get their attention?? Gerry and Parsley were right here! ah...ah! i didn't think this far!! shit!!! panic flared through me, scrambling to find something. a rock- no that was too dangerous. uhhhHHH 

in my panicked state, i hadn't seen that Flower Kid was currently coming over to ME. not until i saw the green of their eye did i realize i had been seen! shiT! SHIT!! i scurried backwards, out of immediate view as the child, undoubtedly, followed me back. i moved into position, perfectly hidden from the world as i took as calming as a breath as i could. ok Jamie, you got this. you practiced what you were going to do in your head! you gOT THIS!! you HAVE to got this, because this was for _Him_.

that thought stabilized me, calming myself internally as i put a slight hunch to my posture. i made myself meek, timid looking, raising my hands up to cover my lower half of my face. my hair worked as it's own inhibitor to being seen, as well as the collar of this jacket. it all worked to play the part i was seeking to, just another timid, nervous wreck of a Habitation. just another 'thorny lion'.

when Flower Kid turned the corner, i watched their eye widen. surprised? you SHOULD be! you didn't know who you were messing with Flower Child. i would stop your nuisance of the Habitat right here and right now! you would never be able to solve the issue i would give you, and you would have to adhere to what Dr. Habit says! i felt so joyously cunning that i almost felt it curve my lips up into a smile, but i kept myself collected and started the show

"o-oh.." i spoke quietly, as almost i were too meek to talk any louder, as if even a decibel higher would shatter my very fragile being "...d-didn't see you...hi..." in truth, i didn't even have to speak this low, but i wanted to draw them closer, make sure none saw us talking. i was sure no body would pay too much mind if the Flower Child was back here...all i could hope was that broccoli gremlin Gerry didn't scuttle his way back here too....eugh...

Flower Kid tilted their head, looking up at me curiously. i could see the gears in their head trying to turn, to put a name to the face they saw. nope! you would not conjour one little child! but i would give you one, of course, for the sake of the play.

"....nice t-to meet you..." i stated softly, watching as they stepped all the closer, trying to hear my delicate voice over the sound of Martha's gears "...m'name is Noobo Dee.." i'd shift my hands together nervously, glancing away from the child in what would be seen as a nervous fidget "...h-haven't seen you around...b-before....are you ne...new..?"

as expected, they nodded to my question. still refusing to speak, eh? well that'd work in my favor for my plan, little Flower! you have already lost this little game the moment you decided to speak with me! hah! i would be victorious with my dastardly web!

i tilted my posture, as if leaning away from them as i sighed softly "...s-sorry...i don't like...b-being out there..." i gestured meekly to the rest of the courtyard, if not just the Habitat in general "...t-too many...t-too loud...." shaking my head, i pulled my arms even closer to me, looking down at them with a quiet gaze "...b-but you...you go out there....a-and you hear things, right...?"

again, they eagerly nodded their head, and my hands hid my accidental grin quite nicely, allowing me a moment to fidget with them and put the soft and tired expression on my face back into place. looking down on them, i fidgeted nervously, muffling my words, as if too shy to say them outloud for a moment, before i'd lift my head to speak clearly "...d-do you think...y-you can help m-me find something...? if you c-could...i could m-maybe go out there...t-to deal w-with the loud....b-better..."

when the enthusiastic nodding came, the child took a step closer to me, hand already in their strange flower delivery...thing. what, did they think they had it already? oh silly child, no! no no, this thing you would NEVER find. not here, not any where near, and not any where far. only father but farther and farther beyond far would you EVER dream to find what i was about to request!! Haahahah!

with a little glance around, i loomed over the child. even in my timid act, my posture would convey their place in this situation. they were a cHILD, playing a game of adults. i stared down at them as the request fell from my lips, placed like a weight upon their shoulders

"..i-i need a k-key...t-that can't be t-touched...but c-can be read...a-and is dear..." i'd fidget with my sleeves, looking sad "...c-can you f-find me such a-a thing...?"

the look of utter puzzlement on their face was _glorious_ , and i almost broke out laughing by the sheer confusion in their eye. they had no idea what this meant!! they'd be stewing on this forever!! oh they'd never be able to help another again, being unable to help this one, pitiful person! _me_!! it was game, set, match the second they'd agreed. when they'd agreed, and i'd HAVE them.

so when they shook the confusion from their face, they gave me a nod, holding out their hand with a determined little look. i feigned a flinch at their out stretched hand, but in my heart it was the exact gesture i _wanted_ them to give. with a trembling hand, i took theirs and struck the deal

"t-thank you..." i breathed, giving them a tiny smile as my heart swelled with pride and joy. I had DONE it.

Flower Kid would _never_ be freed from this!

I had _WON_!!

"...i-i'll meet you b-back here around t-this time of the day..." i muttered, shifting my feet "s-so just...c-come back here...w-when you find it...."

they nodded excitedly, giving me an 'okay!' symbol before turning on their heel and heading to the edge of this space.

perhaps it was silly to feel pride for out smarting a child, but the utter high of being able to fulfill what had been asked of me made me hum excitedly as i watched them wander away. i didn't even care that they ended up unscrewing a bolt from Martha. what could they want with that? who CARED! they wouldn't be able to do anything more to help any one else now! i watched them leave and my joy found it's way from me.

i laughed, throwing my head back and myself on the ground as i _LAUGHED_. hugging my sides, i delighted over my cunning. my name right to my request and everything!! even if they told the other residents, it wouldn't _matter_!! snickering around my hands, i tried to get to my feet, my mirth still ever present. ahh...my work was done, so maybe i could get back to my room for a snooze. with a preset time of day set, i would have to check on them tomorrow to see if they'd show. and the day after that, and the day after that

and i'd rinse and repeat until the Big Event came upon us. I could do that, and i resolved myself to as i looked up the wall with a dawning realization

....how was i going to get back to my room?

....drat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally got this chapter out! with everything that's happened this month, i kinda got lost in the ability to write or do much of anything else haha. but here is the update! still trying to chip away at this little fic of mine! thank you for all your kudos!!


	10. Interlude : Time Heals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what the Habitat was once

Things went a lot smoother after those first couple of days

oh for certain, the shock of that first day had stuck for quite a few days after! my hesitation to even leave my room had manifested in a kind of agoraphobic way. the only times i left were when clothes, the bedding or myself needed cleaning. even my meals were brought there, allowing for me to keep to myself in my own imposed isolation 

Boris and Marv would often check in on me, which i found both annoying and...comforting. their presence reminded me that, even beyond these four blank walls, i wasn't truly alone.

scared and disoriented, but not alone. they'd give me my own time to work my way out of the room. it started slow, of course. going to the bathrooms for cleanings or the laundry rooms was the start. staying out on the floor of my door was the next, idly watching as they, as well as a few others, worked on the construction of this place.

i'd often see three others around. a man who stood with a kind of hunch, not really the most confident looking individual. long dreads adorned his head and covered most of his face at any given point in time. i didn't have to worry with making eye contact with him when i couldn't even tell if he had any at all. i enjoyed him, and learned soon after his name was Wallus. 

the other was a lankier kind of man who talked with an authority, despite the fact he didn't seem to have a lick of it. stylishly cut hair and an impressive mustache, he had introduced himself to me by means of shouting his name up at me from the courtyard one evening, apparently needing me to know his name was Jimothan Botch, and that he'd get to know me eventually

i did not like him right off the bat. and even after weeks to a month, i found his behavior...grating. he had his own opinions, and he let every one know it, loudly and without bating an eye. he wasn't so much a bad person, no...just loud. very loud.

the only other one i was able to get close to was a woman by the name of Tiff. the way she felt was...familiar, and her voice was soft, delicate. even if she usually spoke with a flat kind of tone, i could tell there was much more beneath the surface. she had approached me the easiest out of all of them, having taken note of me, waved, and then left me be. every single day, she would do the same gesture. an acknowledgment, but not invading my space

i warmed up to Tiff quite quickly, much faster than the rest of them. she had coaxed me down the stairs, to talk with her on breaks. the lounge was built by this time, and so she was beginning to learn the music that Boris was planning on her to sing for the Habitat, once it was open. the way she spoke about wanting to help others, the way she felt about how her music...

"I've always had a knack for being able to use my voice to guide others, to help them grow" she had said one evening, eyes hidden behind red rimmed glasses. she sat on the stairs just below me, i choosing a few higher than her. i acted more like a feral, skittish animal than a person, but that didn't seem to bother Tiff any. she just spoke towards the door instead of me. it helped, not needing to keep eye contact, not needing to behave in a socially normal way...it was pleasant

so i would engage "i think that's nice of you...you do sing very nicely.."

she'd giggle, and i'd feel my face heat up, rubbing at my knees at the odd feelings it gave me. "that's kind of you to say.. and hopefully, working with Dr. Habit, i'll be able to do just that" she'd lean back, stretching her legs out as a soft smile touched on her lips "i can just see it now... this place is going to do great things.."

the way she spoke of the Habitat...warmed me. at the time, i didn't understand why. but all of them spoke with the same kind of belief that, after a while, began to blossom within me.

it was around the time that the apartments were almost completed, when we started getting more and more people signing up to join. i watched the art being drawn on the walls by Boris, and the fliers and words of 'wisdom' being hung up. it... really felt like a place of healing was springing up around me, around all of us. all crafted by the hands of this gentle green giant of a man.

it was months later when i first picked up a hammer of my own. it had surprised Jimothan and Wallus, as i typically didn't try to engage any one on my own....but with an awkward smile, i'd wave it slightly "...need another set of hands?"

and that was what had changed it all. after that moment, i left to find them every single day. i'd ask what i could do to help, where they needed me. i was buzzing busy bee, either getting supplies or waters or even helping to hold up a piece of wall or door. i wasn't the strongest there, of course. but between me and Wallus, or some times me and Boris, we were capable enough. laughter was not something uncommon, and some times we even gathered in the would be carnival grounds, around a tire fire that never quite seemed to go out (i had gotten curious one day with Marv and we had set it on fire....and nothing had ever been able to put it out, so it was now a constant burn at the back of the Habitat. Boris hadn't been too happy, but given the fact it was contained, seemed to grow to accept it)

i...listened to them. i listened to them all talk, explaining why they had all come here.

Marv well...he had lived here! he had given the land to Boris to build upon, so of course he got to stay here!! was he more or less the landlord? perhaps. but he believed in Boris's cause, and the land before hadn't really had much on it any way. so he was supporting and also getting some new neighbors. he struck me as a lonely man , the way his mustache curved when the others spoke to him. how long had he been out here, on his own?? he'd never give a clear answer, but that made me think a while then...he reminded me of a lake at dawn. still with some fog creeping across it, an in between place that was ancient and new at the same time

Tiff had met Boris out in the town, as he had been flyering for people to come and work here. she expressed she had been in something of a rut, and so this seemed like the best way to work her self out of it. she could do good while also have some one give her new things to sing. she was excited for both fronts, to be challenged and to also reach others with her voice. i could tell she wanted to do good, to spread joy, even with her expressionless face. there was such a warmth within her that reminded me of a sunny grove. quiet but inviting...she felt like spring time.

Wallus had been harder to get an explanation from, but he eventually told us it was because he needed work. his size and looks typically made it hard for him to get a job, or keep one. he had apparently been fired multiple times based on his looks, and that struck me as strange. he was a gentle spoken, shy man who normally kept to himself? he was gearing up to be a janitor of sorts here...how could he have done anything that would get him fired?? he felt like the corner of a room, a nook if you would, decorated with plants and books and a soft cushioned chair that you sunk into. 

Jimothan seemed to be an open book, talking on and on about how his passion was drinks and cooking. Boris had picked him up for those exact skills, and how he was going to do his darndest best at this job. despite all of that and what he said, something about him made me skeptical that that was all of it. the man never spoke of where he had been before all of this, only explaining what he was going to do here now. he always reminded me of a dimly lit room, a fireplace roaring from a brick frame and the smell of smoke that seemed to come from multiple places. he was shady, but...i suppose, all of us were.

"...i left my home behind" my voice was soft, timid to reveal any of this "...alot had happened, and i...i felt out-casted from every one i knew. i wanted to get away..." i had hugged my knees tightly, the blanket around me being pulled all the tighter "...i didn't fit in, and had lost just about everything that mattered to me... so it didn't..feel...like it mattered if i was there or not.."

my voice had gotten hoarse, and the tears in my eyes threatened to spill over, blinking them away, i rubbed at my face when a hand had rested on my shoulder. Boris looked down at me, a strange kind of out line on him. it felt like...if it weren't for the tire fire, he would've just blended into the darkness of the area

but his words resonated so deeply within me, i didn't know how long i had been waiting to hear them

"wel... u matter here, Jamee" he had said, a smile on his face as he patted my shoulder "u r in safe place nowe"

and the voices of the rest of them agreeing with him...my eyes were wide, filled with the vulnerability of that moment. had i found a place i could call a home? some where...some where where i mattered? i wasn't just a second choice, or the one in the way of another's happiness?? i wasn't the forgotten one or...or the undesired. i wasn't a stain on a family name or...an abomination to be mocked..?

i had cried in earnest, then. it had been months, but i cried then. i felt the arms of Tiff around me and the patting hands of a few of the others. that moment had sunk so deeply into my heart, it was a moment that came often to me weeks to months after. even after the year and a half, it was a memory that still touched upon my thoughts fondly. it strengthened my resolve, my belief and faith in the Habitat

this place was a home, it was _my_ home now.


	11. Tune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> perhaps a different perspective will be interesting ovo

Perhaps I should've been expecting this

not every one in here wanted to make this easy!

i huffed lightly, walking away from the large machine, Martha? walking away from Martha. my head was spinning slightly with the riddle i had been given..or maybe it was just her breath? i coughed a few times, for good measure. it was fairly late in the afternoon, too, so i didn't need to be getting to woozy before it was curfew time!

adjusting the cap on my head, i looked around the Carnival expectedly. Putunia was back at whack a molar, burning out the energy she had from the excitement i had given her. she was really excited about getting a mask of her very own, to defeat the 'green menace' as she called it. i glanced side ways up at the tower, a clamy kind of sweat on the nape of my neck at the idea. she wanted to fight Dr.Habit, that was obvious. but why? i didn't really know. 

well ok sure, i could guess the why i amended to myself, heading off with a light pace to my steps. the man wasn't the nicest, or so i had heard. his PSA's were...questionable, at best. even if i couldn't understand all of them, i could get the gist of the feeling behind them.

and one of those feelings was some hostility

that made the cold feeling on the back of my head creep further, even as i came into the safety of the courtyard, looking around. so many thoughts were rattling around in my head, and i didn't know where to start! at this point, i should've made a list!!!

lets see...i had to get Putunia a mask, and Gillis was a bit better after being able to leave from out from the lounge, but he didn't seem REALLY better. Parsley well...he wanted food, and i was in the midst of working on that. had the three 'mushrooms' already in my bouquet! so i'd have to drop those off with Jimothan to get the next idea for his 'steak' food.

glancing around the courtyard, i saw Trancil was talking to one of the flowers i had planted over near him. had he forgiven me for holding the microphone up to him? perhaps so, as he didn't mind sharing his 'dark corner' with me today. i smiled fondly at that, even if it had been a little underhanded...it had made Trevor really happy! and i had gotten something interesting because of it. i hadn't had a chance to uncrinkle the paper just yet, but i was sure it was important! even if Trevor's theories were a bit...out there...i could tell he had a good idea of what was going on here... maybe even better than i did.

but i took another look around, pondering. that lady at the bar, Jerafina? she wanted me to find her glasses...but i hadn't a clue where those were! and let's see... Mirphy said i'd owe her a favor later, and Dallas was doing some 'soul searching', which i was hopeful for. oh and there was that sad lady on the stair well, Lulia! but she wouldn't talk to me, to which i sighed lightly at... hadn't even BEEN to the roof top yet! but...well, she seemed real down in the dumps, and i only wish i knew why!

and then there was this new person, Noobo...who were they? had they been hiding? or maybe they had been in the lounge before? i wasn't sure, but their want for help confused me, puzzled me. what kind of key couldn't be touched, but could be read?

argh! i scratched at my head, fidgeting with my cap as i wandered over to the stairs. how was i supposed to figure that out?! so absorbed with my internal frustration, i very well bumped into a body i didn't think was going to. the soft "ah!?" that came from in front of me stopped me in my tracks, staring up at a rather short looking individual. they stood with a slight bent and hunch to their figure, making them even shorter than they were. a worried and surprised expression was on their face, as well as holding a jar of...pickles.

i tilted my head to the side, looking curiously up at this strange resident. another new one? maybe i just hadn't met every one yet!!

"Ohhh noo..! OHh..." he shuttered with a breath, rubbing at his face as...was he crying? was he actually crying? my hands flailed helplessly, not sure why this individual was crying, but fretting all the same! had i hurt them? were they hurting?

"Do you hear that, O flower delivery youth?" hear what, the sound of his sobbing? i quickly nodded, not wanting to hesitate in responding to this strange individual 

"Ohhh yes...you really get me" did i? "I am in shambles, my friend.." i'll say "I just don't smell good" what

tentatively, i took a whiff, to judge for myself if this were the case...and it really wasn't? he smelled...he smelled slightly of wax, like candle wax. not a particular scented one, just the smell of a burning, blank candle. it wasn't unpleasant, just perhaps more subtle than he'd like?

"and I have these pathetic, baby hands.." i tilted my head to the side again, looking at his hands...and starting to get a clue where this was going, but not as to the why. so i listened on, curious to see where this went, and eager to help "and I am very shy, and I know I can trust you. I am asking you to...Can you help me smell like pickles, my fellow Habitiatian?" 

dumb founded, i was dumb founded by this. he wanted to smell...wait, how was he going to do that? open the pickle jar...was he really- was he reEALLY going to dump pickle juice on himself?? or was he just going to eat the pickles... i had no idea! but i nodded happily. opening a pickle jar should be a piece of cake! "Oh thank you!!, please in any way possible, bequeath me these salty liquids!" and like that, he handed me the jar, which i quickly tucked away into my boquet. it was too late to give this a real go, so i'd have to start fresh on it in the morning "Here is the elixir. Do as you will, O truest friend"

i smiled broadly at him, waving a hand for a moment as i hurried to the stairs...but i stopped! turning around and quickly pulling out my camera. staring at me curiously, he gave a little sigh "If you must...I see no harm in-"

-Click!-

the photo was taken, pulling it out and shaking it quickly, i held the picture out towards him, pointing at the bottom with a pen in hand

blinking faintly, the man sighed once again, but took the pen, scrawling his name on the bottom as 'Randy Hapukurk' "there you are, O curious flower savior. if this shall help you in your quest to aid me, then i do it happily"

waving excitedly, i hurried up the stairs as quickly as i could. the sun was starting to lower further into the sky, and i wanted to hang this up before it was bed time! i made my way up the flights of stairs, quickly and quicker, some times trying to skip at least a stair at a time. huffing and puffing by the top, i waved tiredly over to Dallas, who seemed to be gathering his art supplies for the night

"Heeeey Floooowweerrr chiiillld....have a gooooood niiiiighhhht" he smiled, still looking a bit lost in his eyes. he was reassesing himself, so i couldn't blame him. still, i leaned over and placed my hand on his arm, smiling reassuringly to him, which seemed to perk him up a bit more, giving a more sincere smile my way. with that! i hurried down the hall, waving to Nat and pointing to my room

"Yeah, no one's gone in Flower Kid" she said, a smirk on her face as i hurried past. into the room i went, over to the corner of my room. i gave a wave over to the two-lips plant that was growing in my flower bed on the window, and quickly stuck the photo onto the wall, right along side all the others. there! that'd help me remember his name! it helped me remember all of their names! so far i had just a handful, maybe 6 or 7...but i was working my way to getting to...

....OH NO!

i grabbed at my cap, whining into it. I forgot to take Noboo's picture!!!! ahhh!! flopping down on the bed, i sighed tiredly. i'd just have to get it tomorrow!! it's not like it was a hard name to remember, kinda reminded me of that one story my Mom had told me. about the hero and the cyclops...how did that story go?

i couldn't very well remember, as the room seemed to get darker, and my head got that familiar kind of fuzzy...it was curfew time, after all. with a big yawn, i pulled my arms into my jacket, curlign up inside of it as best as i could as i snuggled into the bed. tomorrow would be an exciting day. opening a pickle jar, finding glasses, answering a riddle? what better way to spend a day!!

-

_That night, i dreampt of flowers. there was a field of them, stretching out as far as the eye could see. i was standing there alone, at first. the flowers were so tall, that i couldn't see above them. but i heard voices, echoing, just beyond my field of view. vibrant green stalks shuttered as i passed, their petals just above my head, unable to be seen. i was eager to find whoever it was that was talking, just in front of me. their voices sounded so familiar...were they the other Habitians?? were they waiting for me?? i was coming!! just wait!!_

_but around me, i heard the flowers begin to warn me, to whisper in my passing_

_'go back'_

_'it's too late'_

_'he's too dangerous'_

_their leaves grasped on my clothing, but i kept pressing forward. who? who was too dangerous? i wanted to know, i wanted to see...!_

_breaking out of their stalks, i gasped out loud, covering my mouth at the desolation i stepped into. all of the flowers had wilted now, a dead wasteland all around me. the air was thick with the smell of ground earth and...something iron-y, like the smell of change..._

_in the center stood a man, i think. he was shadowy and twitching, red dripped down from his hands, more like claws that i could see._

_all around me, i heard pained laughter and delirious giggling, the red seeping into the earth from sources hidden by the dead flowers. their breaths were weak, and made my skin prickle hotly. i knew some of those voices..i knew them..!_

_i took a step forward, about to say something, about to reach out, when another large shadow came out of no where. i hit into the ground. red trailed down from it's mouth and eyes, it's form almost as dark as the man it guarded. gasping, i stared up at the creature....not really a dog but something like it. it's claws dug into the ground and it snarled at me, as if it were to bite me_

_breathing heavily, gasping, the riddle came to mind once more_

_"I need a key. that can't be touched, but can be read, and is dear."_

_the creature lunged_

and i woke.

my breathing was quickend, but not too bad as it could have been. i had been having this kinda of dream for a while now, even before i had gotten here. elements of it had changed, and it seemed to progress in different ways the more i did. i sat up in bed as i recalled the way it had changed over the last week or so.

at first, i had been lost in the flowers, and i had only heard one voice. it spoke of this place, the Habitat, and i never got to the clearing. when i first came here, my first night however, i had gotten to the clearing and had seen the man. it had been eerie and there were many, many more bodies and much more blood.

but, as time went by, as i talked to the different residents, there were less people in the dream!...the man became more and more distorted, however...and that creature was new...but still! i shook the nerves from my hands and head, fixing my hair so it fit underneath my cap just right. the flowers were encouraging in my waking life, telling me i was doing the right thing. and that was enough for me to keep trying.

i got up, quickly digging around for some of the snack bars i had brought. Mr. Botch's food was nice, but i liked to eat more than just three meals a day. my own stash was dwindling, but i was hoping maybe i could get more during my stay here! quickly unwrapping it, i headed out into the hallway, waving at Nat. she had been the first person to welcome me here. true, my mother and i had been making runs here for a little while, so every one was surprised when i decided to come here on my own, let alone stay. there were other kids though, so as long as you had parental permission, you could.

mom hadn't seemed to care too much, which had worked in my favor.

i wondered how she was doing...

"Hey Flower Kid, sleep well?" Nat's question broke my train of thought, and i smiled to her for a moment, before it fell, thoughtful... then i rose a hand, making a 'iffy' kind of hand gesture. Nat was near to my age (i think), so it was easier to be honest with her on the fact my sleeping wasn't the best. sure she had been a little rough the first day i had been here, but i think it was her own way of expressing her concerns. i had heard some of the others referring to it as her 'rebellious phase' whatever that meant. she was just Nat to me, and she was a friend i could rely on.

so since she liked to hang out up here, she helped keep an eye on my room. not that i thought any one would take anything! but not having a door did make me a little uncomfortable. 

"still having those nightmares?" i nodded to her question, adjusting my cap as i waved. i had a busy day today, so i didn't want to stand around explaining the same thing, which i figured she'd get the gist of 'nothing new' from the fact i wasn't telling her. it caused her to frown, sure, but she huffed it off shortly after "Alright, well just be careful, ok? I'll be here if you need anything"

i smiled broadly, turning to walk away...when a thought occurred, and i spun right around, heading back over to her. the sudden turn of attention caused her to blink a bit in surprise, which i felt badly for, but i just realized! Nat had been here for a while, surely she knew who Noboo was, and also Randy? and also could tell me if there were any others i had missed??

so quickly, i began to sign to her, asking her 'do you know who Noboo is?? do you know who Randy is??? are there others i haven't met??'

but just as fast as i had begun, my hands slowed, watching the lack of understanding creep into her eyes...heck, i had gotten carried away with myself! most of the people here didn't know how to read sign language...a frustrating hindrance, given my lack of voice at present...

my hands slapped to my face and i sighed, shaking my head at her and her confused state

"Sorry kid, i don't speak in hands" Nat gave a slight huff and crossed her arms "you're going to have to write it down or something if you want me to answer what ever you just signed at me"

defeated, i nodded, turning back around and slinking over to the stairs. i felt like i could slide down all of the flights, like a snake. i knew that wasn't the case, but i was bummed out! ah...but i had to find some one to open this jar of pickles...

"Heeeeeyyy Flooooweerrrr CHiiilllld" speaking of, i looked over curiously to the artist already claiming his normal spot. a few papers were scattered around him, he with his paint brush in hand and a canvas on his lap. he looked a little better today, which i hoped meant perhaps he was figuring out what to draw for himself now! that brought a little pep to my step, turning to face him "Hooooww'arree you todaaaaay?" he drawled, tapping the paint brush against his canvas with a hum.

the sound was pleasant to me, causing me to smile and wrinkle my nose faintly. i gave him two thumbs up, since he had helped to perk me up from my previous defeat! besides, it was still the beginning of the day! so it was still fairly early to let myself fall into any kind of the dumps! my answer seemed to make him chuckle, twirling his paint brush in his hand before dipping it into some paint

"Goooood to hear, goooood to hear...i'lllll be heeear if you neeeeed me....trying to caaaapturree the moooood as it weerre" he painted to his canvas, which now had one large splotch of pink on it...wonder what he would do with that?

giving him a few pats to his arm, i'd give another thumbs up and finger gun at the artist, waving good bye before i began bounding down the steps. good! he was making progress!! i was excited to see what he'd perhaps make! maybe some time i could ask to paint with him?? i had only ever used crayons, since paint was so messy...but i didn't have to worry about that here!! in fact, maybe we could even paint on the walls??? i stopped on the stairs, pressing my hands to my face at teh thought

maybe Dallas, Habit and I could all paint on the walls? since Mr. Habit was the one who did all of this other art?? i got giddy, stomping my feet in excitement as i hurried back down the steps. Randy wasn't at the bottom, but i figured it was because he was still getting up for the morning. some of the residents didn't like to be out in the morning, and that was alright! not every one was a morning person!

but as i got to the bottom of the steps, i snapped my fingers, realizing i missed my chance to ask Dallas to open this jar! heck, heck, heck. pulling it out, i gave the jar a once over. it was pretty sturdy looking, by my own standards. crouching down, i even gave it a few little whacks against the ground, to hear it's solid 'tink-tink-tink!' against it. i didn't really want to break it any way, glass shards and flowers didn't mix, and i had learned that the hard way a long time ago

so holding it, i tilted my head this way and that

"-Hnk- What'cha got there kid?"

Ronbo!

my prayers had been answered! surely Ronbo could get this open, right? he was an adult after all! adults were typically good at such mundane things as opening jars!!

skipping my way over to the tall clown, i gave a greeting smile as i waved his attention towards me. currently trying to offer one of the balloons he had to a very disinterested Gerry. the kid didn't really seem to take interest in what other kids would take interest in, and i always found that kind of interesting. he had a strange drawing towards Martha, i noticed. but he also had a knack for finding lost items, or buried items. even if he had given me his magnet on a stick, i noticed he managed to find things even it didn't find!

so waiting until he had walked away, Ronbo giving out a discontented huffy honk, i walked up to him and smile wide, waving both of my hands at him in greeting now. i always loved the balloons he had to hand out, the ones that were in shapes and the ones that weren't. i know and knew some people were afraid of clowns, but i really couldn't quite grasp why. they wore make up, they were there to try and make you smile or laugh, and they always had the slightest hint of the smell of cotton candy!

though..perhaps Ronbo's was hidden but a little bit of a scent of smoke, but that was alright, he wasn't always on work after all

but boy did his face light up as soon as he saw me, giving me a big smile as he waved one of his hands back. he may not have understood me very well, but it sent a jolt of happy through me every time he'd return my odd greeting back at me.

"heya Flower Kid!" he'd honk out at me, making me giggle "howse ya' doin' today?? plantin' any more flowers 'round here?"

shaking my head, i flapped one of my hands at him, bending my hand at the wrist to motion his attention towards what i was getting out of my bouquet. curiosity seemed to draw him to lean over a bit, peering curiously at me and my rummaging "what'cha got there, kiddo?"

the jar in his face caused not only his nose to honk, but him to jerk back wards, looking cross eyed down at the pickles that i had presented him with. eagerly, I jumped up on my tip toys, trying to insist the object into his hands, hope in my eyes. surely he could get it open, right??

"-hnk- hey hold on their kiddo!" with a quick hand, he covered the jar, pushing it back towards me with a little bit of a frustrated huff "I ain't no strong man here kid, i can't get that jar open for ya."

my heart sank, looking up at him with puppy eyes. he couldn't get a jar open? really? was this impossible? is this why Randy had given it to me??? was no one here able to stand up to the pickle jar tyranny!?

NO! i refused to believe it! i pushed it against his stomach now, face determined. i would not be swayed away from this goal!! i would get this jar open, no matter what!!

perhaps the fire in my eyes was able to pierce through him, or maybe he just didn't want to be the object of my pickly fury, but Ronbo sighed, pulling out a cigar and quickly taking a puff "look, ain't Gillis the strong one around here? you should give him an ask if he can pop that cork -hnk-. I'm sure he'd love another way to play it straight"

Gillis..?

GILLIS!!

OF COURSE!! I HAD BEEN SO BLIND!!!

i could feel my engine reeve, grinning widely as i nodded rapidly. thank you Ronbo!! you were wise in your clowny wisdom!!! bouncing in place with excitement, i ran myself in a circle, winding myself up like a top in my own head, only to be unleashed in a straight line towards the large strong man of the carnival grounds!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wanted to try something a little new with this, and if people like it? i may have FK's view point come into play again ovo


	12. Warmth

how

there...there was no way.

no way in HELL they should've gotten the answer!!!

I stood there, mouth agape and eyes wide as i stared at this Flower Child this...Flower BRat! 

sure! i had left from my room rather lazily, but with my head held high earlier today. even Nat wasn't able to wipe the smug smile off my face as i walked on past her

"Hey, what are you doing up and about? aren't you supposed to be the night watch dog?" she spat at me as i strolled on by, a hum in my throat despite her bitter and accusatory words. glancing over my shoulder at her, i simply wiggled my fingers in her direction 

"Still just doing my job, kiddo~"

"I'm not a-!"

" _suuuuure_ you are" without waiting too much longer, I hurried down the side of the stairway. surprising the artist with the sudden action, i threw myself over the side, using the momentum to swing down onto the lower level, and then slide one more down to get to window access point. it didn't take long until i was walking my way across the wall, no longer feeling the need to hide in the shadows. what could or would the others do? i had successfully stumped Flower Kid! and if they came back, trying to see if they could help me some ways else?

"i-i thought you could help m-me...but...I guess it was just...t-too much to ask for..." feigning a heart broken and forlorn expression, twirling on the wall and jumping down onto the ground, landing on all fours with a little cough as the dirt got kicked up around me. it had really been too easy, the kid wore their heart on their sleeve. and while i didn't particularly enjoy messing with children, this was the Habitat. it had _Rules_. rules this kid had been _breaking_ since like...day ONE of being here!

so yeah, i was going to be the one to teach them a hard lesson. that you couldn't help every one, that some tasks were impossible, or just down right stupid, and were better left to the professionals! like Dr.Habit! 

i looked up at the tower...at this angle, i couldn't even catch a glimpse of his shadowy form up there. but he could see me, right? he could see i was doing what i was supposed to? i hadn't gotten a wake up alarm this afternoon...but, then again, i had woken up before i was expected to as well. having gotten ready, i hadn't even glanced at the message on the screen...huh, i usually did. but i shrugged that off, i could catch it when i got back to my room. most likely something about how alone i was, and how it was best to dwell on that feeling and the thoughts of how much better others were without me

was true any way, if Dr. Habit said it. he was the professional after all, he knew better

so i had sat down there, and i had waited. i was perfectly content to burn another day of absolutely doing NOTHING, knowing that my little riddle would be driving that child absolutely BONKERS....when they showed up.

i had been genuinely surprised, watching as they came around the corner, the biggest grin on their face. with the way they smiled, they scrunched up their nose ever so slightly. i also hadn't noticed that they had a gap in the front of their teeth...and the way they smiled was just...ever so slightly off.

but well..i wasn't really a smile expert, i knew my smile wasn't much better. so quickly i got into character, bringing my hands up nervously as they approached.

"h-hello..." i greeted softly, tilting my head to the side "did you b-bring the answer..?"

when they had nodded, i almost broke character. there was no way! they must have found something, but it would be wrong!! oh silly child, it would always be wrong!! even if you brought a real key, even if you drove yourself absolutely furious wracking your brain, you'd never-

and then they started humming

shock crossed my face as they uttered a noise at all. they weren't mute? they could mAKe NoiSE? that was a surprise in and of itself, sure!

but...but the notes they were humming, swaying side to side with the softest smile on their face. every once and a while, their lips would part and a soft little wordless noise would come from them, an attempt at singing a melody that one knew not the words to

but i did....i knew the words, i knew exactly what was being said with the melody that was currently being presented to me. so stunned was i, i failed to keep up my acting, staring down at them with a bewildered expression and a sight that was currently beginning to fail me. colors and the world around me was meshing together wetly, bubbling over rims drawn wide with the shock of familiarity happening before me

something in my chest finally reacted, it thudded oddly and i coughed weakly, leaning over slightly at the sensation i couldn't quite place. what was that? what was this? what-

hands, hands reached out towards me, and i finally blinked, looking down at the nervous expression of the child in front of me. what, what were they doing? why were they touching me?! i drew back, breathing quickly, feeling the warm wet running down my face...in front of this FloWER bRAT!!!

quickly hiding my face in my sleeves, i wiped all evidence of this weakness away, breathing deeply as i sniffled pathetically. alright, fine. they had somE how gotten this...they had removed this wrench, it seemed... i had failed.

"..t-thank you..." i muttered out, trying to keep my voice sounding liek what one of the others would sound like when being 'helped'...but i wasn't done with them, ohhhh no, not by a LONG SHOT! i wasn't done, yet, i'd find a way to do my job!! "...c-can you come a-and see me again...? i want t-to just...enjoy this song...f-for a while" i sniffled, looking over my hands down at their expression. it had gone from one of concern to pure beaming excitement, rapidly nodding their head towards me. i nodded to them, squinting my eyes as if i were smiling and waved with the edge of my sleeve, making sure to watch them depart..

...and i waited, to make sure none were around.

i waited...

and then i turned around and slammed my fist into the wall, a violent scream ripping out of me, only muffled by the sound of one of the louder sighs of Martha and her breaths. i grabbed at my hair, pulling at it violently as i dug nails into my skin! how !! how cOulD i hAVE FAILeD!?

THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE FAILED!!!!

HOW on EARTH hAD thIS chiLD HEARD tHAT meLODY!? no- NO one Should hAVE knoWN IT!!! i tore my fingers from my now stinging head, glaring around the area. no, one of THEM must have helped Flower Child!! there was no other logical explanation!! that song...

thinking on it again caused me to sag, breathing shakily and unsteadily as i leaned against the wall, burying my face in my hands as i...i began to cry once more. 

it had been HER song, a woman with warm skin and black and red hair. green eyes that always were welcoming and loving, bright and kind. her voice had crafted the melody, a melody for ME, and no one else. a memory i had left far behind me, abandoned with the rest and lot of them.

but now it vibrated through my chest, shaking my core and the many walls built up around it. my heart thudded against the intrusion and i sobbed for the pain of it. 

in that moment, i was widdled down to a single thought and feeling, and left to wallow in it.

-

_"come here Jamie"_

_gentle hands gently touched the top of my head, caressing the fluffy hair there. the fingers were soft, welcoming, caring as they beckoned me closer._

_i came, easily. i would always to that touch. and soon it was no longer just a hand, but arms. they wrapped around me, embracing me tightly as i rested against her frame. the sound of her beating heart was the call to a home i would always know. her arms it's walls, her hair it's roof. and her heart and voice? the hearth that kept it warm and inviting_

_"don't you feel sleepy, little 'tid?" she teased me lightly, it was rather past my bed time at that time, hadn't it been? but i didn't want to sleep. a stubborn child, i suppose_

_"here...maybe this will help" fingers ran through my hair, brushing it out of my face, lulling my eyes to shut as her song began. a gentle melody in her chest, words touching on her lips, only to be woven into the melody she began to let fly around us_

_"...when daytime turns to night..when the moon shines bright... when you're tucked in tight...when everything's alright..."_

_her words and melody wrapped around me, cradling me in her arms, just as she had always done. even when i had gotten larger, older. that song remained, the feeling remained..._

_-_

when i opened my eyes next, i was still sitting behind Martha. it was late now, and the heavy feeling in my limbs was starting to set in. crap, had i fallen asleep!? fuck!!

quickly scrambling to my feet, i stood up against the wall, wiping off the crustiness of my face as i hurried out from behind Martha. the carnival grounds were empty, which worked well in my favor as i quickly scurried to the gates. they weren't locked, which i also took to my favor, quickly opening and shutting them behind me. i gave a glance around the courtyard, staring through the inky black of the night. it wasn't exactly a new moon yet, but it sure wasn't it's normal bright self either. only a bit of light came out from the lounge and one of the rooms above. 

and also from a pair of eyes on the other side of the yard from me. a pair i squinted at faintly. of course Trencil was still down here, he alWAyS was down here when he shouldn't be! of course he....he...

....

my present squint turned into something of a glare now, and a fury began to build in my chest at the thought that sat there now. Trencil was fairly old, he had been here at the Habitat for quite a bit of time too. he was one of the few who roamed around at night....when i thought i was alone.

could he have...?

....

....surely not, no. i shook my head, moving towards the stair case. any of the late shift people could be the suspect to having helped that wretched child. Trencil, Wallus, Jimothan, _Kamal_. i wouldn't put it past that last one to have helped Flower Kid. i gritted my teeth at the very thought of that short little assistant, whining and wallowing his days away. he had absolutely NO back bone, and i couldn't tolerate his spineless behavior. always doubling in on himself at the slightest bit of confrontation! 

dragging my hands down my face by the time i got to my flight, i was breathing heavily as i reached for my door handle. giving a glance around, i noticed that the light was coming from Flower Kid's room. it was past curfew for little flowers to be up...but i simply shrugged it off and walked into my room. let them get caught staying up for all i cared.

it took me no time at all to shed my clothing, hanging them up for the next day, and dropping myself on my bed, sighing heavily into the pillows. what was i going to do? how was i going to stop Flower Brat from ruining any more of Dr. Habit's plans?? and if i couldn't...would i be fired? made to leave the Habitat??? the very thought of the loss of this place made me ache deep in my chest, calling me to curl in on myself.

facing the wall, i let the exhaustion of the interruption of my normal sleep pattern take me. i would just have to spend my next waking moments figuring out how best to go at this Flower Kid issue...

so with my back to the screen, there was no way i could've seen the message flickering on it, the floral design of it unfitting to it's words

**"DON'T FOR-GET: THERE IS NO-THING U CAN DO ON UR OWNE :-)"**

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooow it's been a bit of time hasn't it! whoops! time kinda got away from me with all the everything going on. and i admit, i had to take a break from Smile for Me and it's fandom after some nonsense. but i'm going to continue this story, hopefully to it's conclusion! it's all there i just gotta write it out lol! that being said, some chapters may be shorter in the future, which may result in more than i was planning on making, but i think that's just the A03 experience eh? regardless, kudos and comments are lovely, and i hope you all have a great day!! stay hydrated and don't forget to smile : >


	13. Interlude : A Flag Rose Tinted

the habitat was my home now

it's residents my family

which is why these changes began to ... _unnerve_ me so much...

it had started some time after Randy had moved in, around the time Nat and Trencil's applications were being reviewed, and many others were filing in as well. it was _amazing_! already after being officially open for a month or two, people from the near by town of Farroad were sending in requests to come and stay here. to give it a try, to work here, to _recover_ and so on. the first couple few had kinda found their way here from Boris's canvasing in the town, but now? now it was _spreading_ through not only word of mouth, but by his new website!

we had been so giddy, Kamal, Boris and I, as we had managed to set it up. boy had it taken a _l o n g_ time. at least two and a half pots of coffee, three stim breaks for Boris, and a few times i had to excuse myself to go scream at a wall for a good minute or so. Kamal had kept his cool for the most part, being able to handle the caffeine in a better way than perhaps Boris and I (it even seemed to calm him a bit easier than us) though he was still fairly twitchy, but that was just a Kamal Bora trait (TM). it was cute in it's own way, and i tried to help settle the man when he'd get frustrated, setting my hand on his shoulder and peering over to try to figure out a line of code that was particularly frustrating to him

Boris had a very particular view of how he wanted this site to look. and of _course_ he did! he wanted to get just the right kind of message out there, to reach and jive with as many people as possible. of all ages, of all walks of life, of all kinds of situations and backgrounds...this was a life line to people, and it had to be a size that fit all. and the man was brilliant, drawing and creating his own drawings and animations for the site! it was a pill to figure out how to make them work on it, to be sure. and with Boris's claw like hands...well, Kamal and i were the ones doing most of the work on that front when too many typos began making the site something of a electronic hell scape

some of those images i will never unsee. they haunt my dreams.

but! the scarring of our minds and a few sacrificial chunks of our sanity later!! the site was up on the world wide web!!! 

at first, we simply sat in awe of it. Kamal slack jawed that he had actually gotten everything Boris had wanted up on the site. Boris unable to verbalize his excitement and barley letting out any squeaks as he rapidly clapped his hands together or just flailed them about. and myself, coming down from a caffeine buzz that had lasted at least a day and a half and hardly able to form coherent sentences, smiling goofly at the screen as i looked to the other two with me

"...yaaaay" was all i could weakly utter at the time. but it was enough. enough for the two of them to let out their own cheers

"AL _RIGHT_!" Kamal blurted out loudly, sitting up from his chair and throwing his arms up in the air "YEAH, TAKE _THAT_ INTERNET! _TAKE_ **THAT!**!" he laughed and slapped at the table a few times, staring at the monitor with the eyes of a man half crazed from coding. there was victory in his eyes, even as it hung from the bags under them, it still shone brightly there as he glared down the screen " _that'll teach ya_!!"

"I CANNOT BE- _LEAVE_!-!!" Boris tried, before covering his mouth and stomping a bit in place, making his way quickly away from us for perhaps the 5th time in a row to go and shake his excitedness out. he was a strange man with strange ticks and quirks, but his 'stimming' was quite normal to Kamal and myself now. it was just apart of him, even if i didn't really understand it. it was, however, a bit contagious as i found myself bouncing my own legs, even as exhausted as i was

"it's finally up! other people can now find the site, find _US!_ " i beamed blearily, rubbing my eyes as i stood up "now more people can come to get help. maybe we can even put in an application section later, for like people who wanna work here?"

"god please not any time _SOON_ " Kamal groaned at me, a broken man before the thought of another war, i simply patted him and laughed softly 

"No no, not any time soon...no for now? let's go get some _food_. i bet Jim is still up and can make us something...it's not TOO late, i _think_?" saying that, i looked out the window at the setting light of the sun. it wasn't as if the grounds were _particularly_ off limits at night, but it was advised for people to make their way to their rooms before dark. we didn't exactly have a very good out-door lighting system, and wild animals tended to stray inside the habitat from time to time. though truthfully, with the tunnel that connected to the boiler room, we would be able to make a straight shot to the court yard and then the Lounge, easy peasy.

we were on one of the lower levels of the tower as well, as it did have different floors. the top floors were for Boris's use, he had instructed 'no peaking!' until he was finished setting it up. so Kamal and i typically would go to the lower floors, the ones with the cameras on the Habitat, or the paper work or, in this case, was the computer and the room that was set up for his technical productions. 

Boris had been speaking about making 'helpful PSA's' that would run in the morning and some that would run all day. like a kind of news letter or morning report thing that he himself would be making. already he had a chair, curtain and some kind of cut out flower set up as the 'back drop'. it was a little odd to me, but hey! maybe it was to get the attention of the younger residents? so far we already had about two younger folk (though why i didn't really understand, but i guessed even kids had issues) so maybe the childish design would come across fun to them. maybe the puppet he kept talking about was to talk to the kids too? who knew, i sure didn't.

indeed, Boris really had some odd ideas. he saw things in a different way, creative and slightly tilted... but i couldn't say i disliked it. confused me, oh hell yeah, but the products were phenomenal! i mean, one of them had been the attendants he was currently in the process of making! from simple creations of paper and push pins, it was Boris's answer to picking up the slack of the lack of a lot of workers here. when he had shown Kamal and I, i was blown away by the idea and ingenuity, the fact he could make them WORK...or, well, in theory. having not figured out how to make them function on their own quite yet, they hung around that floor, leaning against the walls or hanging from strings like marionettes. i didn't really understand why they creeped Kamal out, but i supposed he was just a skittish man, his own shadow could spook him under the right circumstances!

chuckling at my own inner thoughts, i followed Kamal and Boris into the elevator , pushing the button for the bottom floor as the two of them talked excitedly about the new plans and ideas. the PSAs, the website, any possible updates, as well as new applications. it was hard to stop them when they were on a roll, which was why i was the one who had to remember to push buttons or remind them WHY we were leaving the tower

"don't forget to figure out what you wanna eat when we get to the lounge, or you'll be subject to Jim's personal flare of cooking" teasing over to them, my smile faltered slightly when neither of them responded to me for a moment...i cleared my throat, gaining at least Kamal's attention

"A-ah! yeah, what'cha say James?" a nick-name of sorts that he had given me, i gave him a snort and a smile

"I was saying you guys might wanna figure out what you want to eat, or risk eating rubber"

"Ooo that is 'rite'" Boris stuck out his tongue, wrinkling his nose "I do not like the 'food' Mr. Botch makes when given 'free rain' to" he shook his head, seeming to recall a meal he most likely was fed by Jimothan once. my own face crinkled in sympathy, given the fact i had avoided his concoctions at any and all given times. sure, he was a creative artist in his own, eccentric way. and i respected that! really i did! i had wondered often why he and Dallas hadn't perhaps collaborated together...but well, given Jimothan's 'old ways' and Dallas's hyper fixation on a woman with no interest in him....perhaps that was part and parcel why. to which i simply rolled my eyes at internally and walked down the hall way to the boiler room, listening to the other two begin talking once more, but now about awful meals they had had at Jimothan's hands.

-

it was later that night when I had noticed it. leaving the lounge, actual food in our stomachs and a few drinks under our belts, the Habitat was quiet in the after hours of the work day. all of the Habitian's had made their way to their rooms, aside from essential personal who were out and about closing up for the night. Wallus was most likely going to be making his rounds of cleaning soon, night owl as he was. Jimothan was cleaning up and closing shop for the Lounge, so it was just us currently heading our ways to the upper levels. despite our working closely with him, only Boris lived and resided inside of the tower. it still looked a little haphazardous to me, the way it was built and all. but it was secure and steady, Boris had said he had had it checked over. it had been one of those things that had both taken no time and so much time to raise, it was a relief to know it would stand the test of time and wear and tear.

but instead of the tower with him, Kamal and i ended up staying up on the top floor, just under the terrance of the main building of the Habitat. only a room separated us, Kamal on the far left side of the back of the building, and i on the right. i kinda believed the reason Kamal took that room was because it wasn't 100% finished yet, and didn't want to take up space any where else for potential residents. it was rather warm for now, so he could probably manage it just fine. still though, it touched me that he would be that caring for others, and it made me want to do something nice for him. maybe get him some of his favorite snacks when ever a run to town was planned for supplies. i think i had over heard that he had a sweet tooth for pastries...i'd have to ask Boris about it some time.

though speaking of Boris, he had followed us up all the way to our floor, just standing on the landing by the railings as Kamal and I walked to our doors. Kamal was just the slightest bit unsteady, enough that i, even while snickering my way along side him, followed him a bit over towards his door-less door, just to make sure he actually got to his mattress and didn't just fall on the floor and break his face about it. and much to my own surprise, he managed to get to it just fine!...though he did fall onto it with his shoes on. his room was decorated just a smidge here and there, with a few drawings, rough sketches of concepts for the habitat, and a few records placed here and there. it was discussed about moving him into an office in the tower, which would be better in the long run in my own opinion. who knew! maybe i could get one in there too? if i ever actually had a job here that was.

with a snicker at that concept, i helped pull off his shoes and threw his blanket over him, stepping out of his dim room and back into the hallway. he really didn't take booze well, or didn't eat enough to counter the amount of drink he had had. even i was feeling it, just a smidge. the light headedness, the warm sensation pooling in my stomach, bubbling nicely up back into my brain and giving me a pleasant feeling over all. stepping out of Kamal's room, looking over the dimly lit Habitat, i felt something warm swelling in my chest. something that made me smile as i turned my gaze on Boris.

...but that's when the picture frame on my little happy image got skewed.

he was standing there, of course. looking over the Habitat as he always had done. his large hands rested on the railings, claws wrapping around the bars, like little more than thin rods in his grasp. they weren't the most solid metal, but they were strong enough to keep most people from tipping over the side, or breaking if a body were to lean or push into it. we had tested it enough times after all, i was sure it would be able to with stand even the rowdiest of folks

so much to my surprise that called a cold chill to run down my spine when heard the metal creaking underneath his gasp. warping it easily as he stared down over the dimly lit court-yard. it was fairly dark now, even in the summer time as it were. the outside had long since bled from twilight and dusk to the deep richness of night. and in the dark of the shadow of the stars, Boris's form seemed to almost fray around the edges, as if the darkness itself were claiming him back into it's vast and eternal expanse. it took me off guard, rooting me to the spot like a deer in headlights, an odd sensation coming over me as i stared at him.

not noticing my hesitation, or perhaps not paying any mind to it, Boris's eyes seemed to illuminate the darkness around him, staring past this area and seemingly into another all together.

"It iz all comimg together now.." his voice was lower, deeper than usual, emphasized oddly with the grinding of the metal in his hands "Alread-y have so many frownies makimg their way here, Hmm _mm_ ~" his voice slipped into more of a hum than anything, as if he were making a melody about the words he spoke.

but the words that came from his lips buzzed around my skull like wasps, and the distant rumblings of thunder echoed in the now hollow space between my ears. feeling the dry in my mouth that stretched to my throat, i tried to swallow to be able to find the words to question just what he meant. frownies? an odd term for the people coming here...sure it may be accurate but...it wasn't very nice. and he was currently damaging the railing, we'd have to replace that if he went any further

"Do you know how long 'i' have been workimg towards this?" his words took on another edge, a lighter one that was just a bit too strained in it's 'pleasant' tone for me to feel comforted by. it felt too...impersonal, like the sharp edge of a knife glinting faintly in moonlight, there was something about him at this moment that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. it felt...

 _He_...felt _dangerous_.

but i pushed it aside, it was Boris after all! he was a sweet heart underneath his weird tendencies and quirks. a gentle green giant, a _brilliant_ mind. he must just be acting off from the booze. yeah, that had to be it! that's why i was being paranoid too! i was just a bit tipsy, maybe i couldn't read things as easy as i usually did. brushing my entire self off, i tilted my head with a small smile "well, i know it's been a few months since i got here...but i'm guessing longer than that?" i offered that answer lightly, taking a few steps towards the large man. he was probably just emotional over all of the progress in the last few days. to see his creation come to life all around him...he must really be happy to see everything he's worked for blooming around him! 

he greeted my closing of the distance with a chuckle, however. it was deep, and seemed to ripple through the floor and walls around us. it made my skin feel...off, wrong. like everything around me suddenly was too much. the darkness was too thick, like a smaug that felt as if it were wrapping around my throat. the sensation invaded in my eyes, nose and mouth. even my ears felt plugged, my own heart beat a distant drum getting further and further away as i stared at the man, half in shadows and barely standing out against the faint light of the Habitat now. it felt more...like he was _ONE_ with it. every shadow, nook and cranny. every single inch of this lair was his own, and to stand so close like this...

my breath had long since been caught in my throat, giving him the chance to answer me with a hum "Almost 3 decades! with some 'change' of course" the way his lips curled up at the edges of his mouth gave off the slightest auditable scraping noise, as if something sharp was being dragged across glass. it made my ears hurt, i visibly wincing at it. cringing, i took a step away from him, raising a hand to rub at my head and try to catch my breath now. fear was coursing through me, and the sound of thunder was rumbling through me. a half forgotten memory, buried in a layer of dirt and washed away by rain. the half images of a shadowy form, and red eyes and..

"J̵a̵ m̷ ĕ̵̗͍̽̕͠͠ ȅ̴͇͕͕̝̱̞̺͗̒̋.."

the voice was static now, static that clawed inside of my head and chest, scraping its' way across my lungs and itching my skin from beneath. my hair was all on end now as it snapped my attention up to look at Boris. like a obelisk dedicated to some dark ritual, he stood towering over me. all color or features of his form was lost to the eternal night, a living shadow with bright red eyes, an orange nose and...a cyan _smile_. three rows of teeth greeted me, jaggedly placed and clenched tight, my eyes flickered down to it as it seemed to creep wider and wider, impossibly wide as those beady red eyes stared down at me

"3̷ ̴d̵e̵c̵a̷d̴e̵s̵ ̵o̴f̶ ̸ _w̷a̸i̶t̸i̷m̸g̴_ ,̴ ̶o̵f̷ ̶b̷-̷i̸m̶g̶ _̷p̷a̴t̷i̴e̷n̷t̶_.̸ ̵3̶ ̴ ** _d̷e̴c̷a̴d̴e̵s̷_** ̴o̸f̷ _̶p̶u̸t̷t̴i̵m̵g̸ ̷u̷p̶ ̶_ w̷i̷t̴h̶ ̷a̵a̴a̶a̸l̶l̵l̴l̶l̸l̶l̴ ̸t̵h̸e̷ ̵ **f̶r̷o̸w̴n̴i̸e̸s̸** ̸ ** _:̷-̵)̴_** " humor seemed to come from some where, because a chuckle and a laugh slipped out of that distorted mouth of his. ripples of his humor seemed to vibrate through him, pulsing through the world around me and making me stumble. my hands reached out for the railing, staring wide eye at the man- the _creature_ before me. in my altered mind, i could only half recall the memories i barely recalled on a _good_ day. the storm above and around me, the smell of raw, wet dirt. mixed with the scent of something irony, like pennies....and the hand that had clasped my own, making it feel numb at just a touch...

that _hadn't_ been a dream...! it hadn't, and now the evidence of that lay bare before me. whatever Boris was, he wasn't normal...and something was wrong with him because of it.

twitching and flinching, as if his form couldn't stabilize, he leaned closer to me, over me. his hand crept along the railing, as if trying to box me in some how. his posture was- well, it wasn't like i could really tell! it felt like he was all around me at this point, the darkness an extension of his being. i could even feel the sudden pressure of his hand on the other side of where i stood against the railing, flinching at the force used behind it. the metal protested and groaned, my feeling of security on holding it lessening by the second. if this went on any further, we'd end up tumbling off the side...

...was that what he wanted? did he- was he trying to make some kind of point? to _scare_ me?

to...

...

staring up at the neon colored face staring down at me, i couldn't stop myself from trembling. grasping onto the railing, all i could do was listen to his distorted speech, feel it wriggle it's way across my skin and into my very blood. "3̵ ̵d̶e̶c̴a̷d̷e̴s̸ ̴o̵f̶ ̷b̸e̴i̸n̴g̶ ̸ _u̴n̵a̸p̷p̷r̴e̵c̵i̶a̶t̴e̸d̸.̵_.̷.̵o̴f̸ ̷b̸e̶i̴n̵g̶ ̸u̸n̶-̷a̷b̷l̷ ̷2̴ ̸c̵h̸a̶n̶g̶e̷ ̶ ** _a̶n̶y̵t̴h̴i̸m̶g̶!̵_** ̷a̸n̵d̵ ̷n̷o̵W̸!̵!̷!̸ ̷n̶O̵w̶ _̴E̷v̵E̶R̵y̷T̷h̵I̸m̴G̷_ ̴W̸i̴l̷l̴ ̶B̶ ** _̷D̷i̸F̴f̵E̴R̶e̸n̸T̴_**!̵!̷" his voice rose, like some one had turned up a radio dial, his face inches from my own terrified and wide eyed ones "s̶o̴o̴n̸,̴ ̶ _e̶v̸e̷r̷y̷ ̷o̵n̵e̸ ̷_ h̸e̷r̵e̴ ̵w̸i̸l̷l̸ ̴s̷m̴i̴l̸e̷ ̵4̴ ̶ **m̵e̶** ̵:̸-̸)̶ ̵e̴v̸e̶n̵ ̴y̴o̵u̴,̷ ̷͓̐ ** _J̸̱͔͛̋ ă̶͎̓ m̵̧̆ e̶͔̘͠ e̴̘͎̋_**.̶͖͒"

that was the final straw for me, it seemed. self preservation took over and i threw my hands out, pushing against the darkness that was all around me. no noise came from my throat as i wanted to scream. something feral in my brain had been touched, and the need to protect myself unlocked. with a surprised ":-O!" coming from him, the creature that had been all around me stumbled back, slamming into the wall near to my door.

heaving, eyes still wide and shaken, i rose to my feet, not believing what i had just done! i had _pushed_ him, shoved actually. he was so much larger than me, i-i shouldn't have been able to!! but...well...i balled up my fists for a moment, looking between them and him, then realizing a moment later what i had done, tried to stumble out "s-so..s-sorry...i ...y-you...i was..."

how could i express to him how much he had just _scared_ me?? how could i tell him that everything he had said had been so intense...i had become afraid for my life! how could i communicate to him this when i wanted to run from the area. the thunder still rolled throughout my memory, pressurizing the very air around us, the tension that could be cut with a knife... it felt charged, that at any moment, something was going to happen. something that couldn't be forgotten, or undone. we were free falling, and how either of us acted now would define how we would be for the rest of my time at the Habitat...

....i wish so desperately that it had been a better choice.


	14. A Different View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flower Kid is becoming more and more of a menance to the stability of the Habitat as the days go on, and Jamie has devised a new way to put an end to their chaos!

I couldn't believe how much in the Habitat this child was changing every single damn _day_!

and I was falling short of being able to do much to stop them.

every single day, looking around the grounds as i tried to follow this flower brat, i kept seeing more and more smiles popping up. like daisies from the snow, more and more Habitian's were getting smiles on their faces and a feeling, an aura if you will, of happiness around them. i had seen it on a few, sure. Nat was one of them, and then Ronbo had been another. even that Trevor kid and Gillis...buT

BUt now it was _Trencil_!! it was him, Millie, Putunia and Randy!! **_RANDY_**?? THE ANXIETY ON LEGS MAN?? not to mention that now he smelled rather brine-y... i could tell _wherever_ he was now, like a candle of sour-y salty stank. i actively avoided the stairway now when i could, given it was his general space to hang out at.

more and more people were now calling this kid 'flower savior' and each passing day, i could feel an odd tension. like a coming storm, it seemed to be the colliding winds that were coming from the two major players in this Habitat. the cold winds that came down from Habit's tower, blowing briskly and harshly, like bad tasting medicine. it was painful some times, but it was what we needed.

and then there was Flower Brat, coming in warm and soft, contrasting to Habit's in every way. but i knew better, it was more like a gas. it smelled sweet, but i could tell it was just trying to sew the seeds of chaos and deceit within these walls. this child didn't know what they were doing, or worse! they _did_!! and they wanted to see all of Habit's work come undone!!

the idea of this Trojan making they're way into our home had me grinding my teeth, making into paste the snacks i currently held. leaning against the window frame, i watched them running around the carnival grounds. Putunia and Gerry were all too glad to play with this Flower Menace, engaging with the attendants and cheating at the games that were set there for a REASON. mirror to see the buttons? using the light of day to get a fixed prediction?? what kind of 'savoir' had to cheat to win, huh!? oOOo it just infuriated me, crushing the empty bag in my hand and throwing it into the trash bin beside me.

I had to do _something_ about this.

my first attempt at stopping the kid hadn't been quite so successful, and had actually ended up back firing on me something fierce. they were a worthy opponent to say the least. obviously they would go to what ever extremes or ends to be able to achieve their goals, and so i was going to have to do much of the same. staring at them as they played 'whack-a-molar', i felt my self glaring at the obvious evil that stood there. from every smile, flinch and squeak that they made, trying to win at that game... pfft, well, at least i could take solace from the fact THAT would never happen.

but soon they'd be on the move, making their way up the stairs more than likely to check on the residents up here. they had been on the lower levels all of the day, so this was going to be one of my best chances to run into them without running into the others. well...aside from _one_ other. momentarily i pondered on the affectability of garlic as i wandered over to my door, staring at it with my lip jutted out. Nat was almost _always_ on this floor, given the fact she couldn't deal with her own problems and decided to try to be 'above it all' instead of actually working with her own self made issues. i could care less if she didn't understand why her father was miserable, i didn't care she was squandering her relationship with him. not every one with-....

shaking my head of that thought, i opened the door and quickly shut it behind me, making a b-line for the stairway, when i heard that oh-too-familiar voice come right behind me, on cue.

"Sneaking out again, guard _dog_?"

i didn't have to stop, and rationally i knew this. rationally i knew i could keep walking and ignore the brat that stood by the other kid's door way. i knew, logically, that i was the adult in the situation and owed her absolutely no response nor time of day.

despite knowing this, i stopped in my tracks, huffing lightly as i peered over my shoulder "don't you have like, kid things to do. like home work or hop scotch"

"wow, guess you really narrowed down what the youth like to spend their time on" crossing her arms, she glared at me "what are you planning on doing this time?"

"i haven't the foggiest on what you are talking about" i straightened up "just doing my job"

"and the rings under your eyes beg to differ. you even sleeping any more, _doggy_?"

i set my jaw, fist clenching lightly as i kept my head held high "more than you probably do."

the scoff behind me was all i waited for, making my way to the stair well and-OOF!

"oohh whooooaa....heeeeeey theerree!"

oh fuck me sideways and call me Sydney..

i huffed at the artist i had run full into, staring at the smear of paint on not only my own shirt, but his as well. it seemed his pallete or whatever it was that he carried around, had smooshed between us, and i had been smeared with a bit of it's excess. i could hear the preverbal crickets sounding off as he more than likely waited for me to blow up at him...but honestly? i had run into him, and i knew better.

sighing and trying to brush some off it off, i held up a hand "Sorry Dallas, wasn't paying attention. i had a Nat bugging me"

"oohh....i gooootchaaa...they've beeeen a prooobleeemm it seeeeems..." he scratched at his cheek, not seeming phased by the new coat of fresh paint on his personage. more than likely use to the wet sensation or unconcerned with the new additions of hues on his clothes. managing to smear it into my own shirt and push it out of my mind at the fact it was going to stain, i made my way past him and over to the steps "can't stop to chat, gotta go"

"ahh...alllriiiight...seeee yaaaaa arroooounnd.."

well...that was a little different. it was different enough that i paused, looking back at him. there was something...different about him. usually he was always very chatty, especially when asking for advice about Mirphy. usually this man was always looking for people to talk about his art to, or just in general...but the way he stood now, the way he had already refocused himself to his little drawing corner... what had happened to him?

i lingered longer than i thought i would, enough to hear the foot steps from down on the main floor heading up the steps. panicking, i hopped over the railing, swinging myself down onto the second layer and landing with a gentle thud. right, ok, refocus yourself Jamie! this was the perfect location, because hardly any one who lived on the second level came to it around the mid part of the day. and also, if they did?

knock-knock-knock, aaaaaaaannnnd thud! the janitors closet swung open from the stairway wall. Wallus was a crafty man, i'd give him that. he seemed fairly adept with stone and walls, and had made quite a few little nooks and crannys like this all through the Habitat. i didn't know all of them, sure. but i knew this one. a mop and broom stood at attention and a dust pan sat diligently at their feet. there were a few pictures here and there, of him and Questionette, of him and Kamal. even a few from before, when the Habitat had been small...

i stared at it a little longer than i wanted to, and only had a brief moment to shut the door and get a quick glance out of the crack to make sure it was my target coming up the steps. and sure enough, by the yellow of their cap, i was able to spot them. Flower Kid was coming up the stairs with a crumpled piece of paper. what was that, more trash they were playing with? was it from that wretched Gerry child? i shuttered at the thought of where he had managed to unbury that from. how many waste-paper baskets or dumpsters had that child dug through to get a piece of paper that... _ugh_ , what was even on it? it was hard to tell from here..

but it wasn't something i should concern myself with. it wasn't important. trash or crumpled up paper was _never_ important, that's why it was in the _trash_ or crumpled up! instead, i had to focus on my next task. taking a deep breath to focus myself, focus my plan...i tapped on the door.

at first, Flower Kid didn't' seem to hear me, continuing up the steps as they read their paper. frantic, i tapped harder on the thin bit of metal and wall, making my presence much better known. this time it seemed to do the trick, causing Flower Brat to pause and glance around.

"heeey...psst.." just speaking loud enough to be heard, i watched them turn around and look at the wall and the thin dark crack the door remaining ajar caused. it would be so easy to miss if one were to walk by, even with it like this. it hardly stood out, Wallus was indeed a genius of blending in after all. to ensure the flower kept staring at me, i crept my fingers out and beckoned them closer

"Flower Child...it's me.." my voice was just the wind at night, blowing ever so faintly to be mistaken as words through the locker door ajar"...I need your help again.." 

it was almost audible, their surprise. if it were an emoji, it would've be ':O!'. the way they spun around on their heel caused the sole of their boots to squeak loudly, making me cringe faintly as i watched them draw closer. keeping one of my long sleeved arms up, covering my mouth, i looked down at them with eyes filled with saddness. a pitiful look that was not all that hard to afix into place, method actor as i was. tilting my head faintly, i drew the door open a hair's breath more, crouched ever so slightly so that my voice could remain as low as it was

"you truly are a marvel, Flower Helper..." i offered the praise with out the venom that slicked the back of my throat, coating it with a burning and bubbling sensation "..but i am afraid i still need more help...c-could you, by chance...help me with something else lost...?"

i imagined their tiny brain rattling around inside of their skull, the way they nodded their head so rapidly. they were on their tip toes, eye wide and expectant as they leaned closer to me. their eagerness was blinding, like a heat lamp shining directly into my face. like the sun on a day with no clouds. stagnant and uncomfortably, _unbearably_ warm and bright. gritting my teeth for a moment, i breathed out and let the tension leave my form. keep up the act Jamie, you had them right where you wanted them!

"i need you to find something else..." my voice dropped a few octaves more, almost coming out as a sad rumble of a sound as my fingers curled around my jaw " _a piece of me that is no longer with me, but plain for all to see_...c-can you find that for me...?" my eyes flickered from the floor to the child standing there, already the puzzlement of my words mixing around in their head. like a gummy fog, i could see it slowing the cogs in their head to a grinding halt. yes!! _good_!! the more they tried to figure out, the more ensnared they would become! what part of me could exist without the rest of me? and!!! all of my belongings were in my room!! there would be _no_ hope of them finding any kind of answer to this impossible riddle!!! they would be _had_!!

even as they nodded their head, fool that they were, i could feel myself struggling not to grin as i reached a hand out and gently shook their hand " _thank you_ , Flower Helper...i will be here every day at this time....come and see me w-when you find it..." giving their hand an insincere squeeze, i slid it back into the darkness of the locker and shut the door. peering through the cleverly masked vent, i watched them peer at the wall this way and that, obviously trying to figure out where the door started and ended. but an untrained eye would never be able to see the faintest discoloration of the wall, nor the lines of where the door was cut. it was a perfect creation, and i mentally praised Wallus from his new wall home.

staring at the child who waved at the wall, a smile on their face as they turned around and headed up the stairs, i let out the tense air in my lungs, letting my body sag against the back of the closet. i'd be stuck in here for a little bit, until it was curfew any way. couldn't risk the flower brat seeing me and knowing which room i belonged in. it was a curious thought, if they had or had not figured out that i was just a door down from their own room. did they not sense it? the strange charge in the air anytime they were near me? perhaps it was just me, perhaps they were too young.

regardless, i looked around the inside of the locker, letting my mind wander a bit. what was i going to do if this didn't work? if it did? well, if it didn't, i'd have to figure out another way to stop their antics and sabotage. perhaps i could take a more hands on approach, and steal their shoes? that would prevent them from walking around, wouldn't it?

probably?

...never stopped _me_ though.

huffing at that, i rested my head on the back of the wall. maaaaybe...i could challenge them to a dare? or a bet? children tended to take those things fairly seriously. i could dare them not to help another soul, or even beat them at some kind of display of speed or strength? they were just a small kid after all, i was certain there was SOMETHING i could out do them at, quite easily. i was fairly good at climbing after all.

taking pride in my abilities, my eyes drifted around the container. it wasn't exactly the largest or most comfortable space, but luckily for me it wasn't cramped either. Wallus was a large individual, so was Habit. the need for supplies that fit to their heights was a _must_. the broom that sat beside me was well worn and well used, my fingers brushing against the texture of it's handle. it had been quite a few months since Wallus quit doing his job...i wondered if he missed his supplies? his photos??

i did try not to invade the man's privacy, but i looked at the photos that were taped and magneted to the inner door. 'better times' one could or would say. a time where things were simpler, when we were all closer. it made my chest ache dully in a way i didn't really want to dwell on, a pain i had no interest in really feeling. loss? _grief_? those were _long_ behind me. i had to focus on the here and now, and the future that lay before me.

..even if that future was spending the next 4 hours in a locker.

by the time the sun went down, i was in a half awake, half fuzzy state when the sound of foot steps caught my fraying mind. i heard the heavy steps before i heard the voices

"AhHhhh..are ya still here?" it was a deep, but feminine voice. i blinked myself more alert and aware, staring out the vents as i looked up the stair case. sure enough, the large woman suspected of being,Borba, came into view, staring up the stair well she had just come down with a look on her face "Get to ya room Dall, or you'll fall asleep and tumble off the side"

"Mmmmm...yeeeaaaahh..don't wannnnnaa do thaaaat againnnn.." the sound of shuffling papers hinted at the painter's beginning to move, readying to come down the stairs now it seemed. it was late after all, so the adults heading to their rooms made sense. not hearing any of the ruckus of children racing or complaining, i could only assume those ones had been brought to their rooms already. yawning tiredly, i leaned against the wall, waiting for the bird woman and artist to make their ways past me. once they were in their rooms, i'd give the stragglers a few more minutes to get to their rooms, do a quick round of the grounds and-

"did ya see Lulia today??"

"...noooo..?"

"oh...well, she's lookin' alot betta"

i felt my ear twitch, perking up as i zoned into their conversation. it felt like the world slowed for me, my breathing even slowing as i focused.

"oohh..? that's goood maann...she's beeen on that stair caaasee for a whiiilllle.....not that i'm onnnne to taaalk.."

there was a chuckle and a gentle thud, followed by a grunt "haha, ya funny Dallas, i'll give ya that."

"haha...oww..."

"but heard from Question that she heard Flower Kid talkin' to her. seems that kid was able to get through ta her"

my teeth set. dammit.

"somethin' about a 'sign she's on the right path' or somethin'"

 _Dammit_. The Fucking crystal _ball!_

"mmm...must be niiiice... but i'm glaaad for her aaalll the saaaamme.." even in my seething, it was hard to miss the tone in Dallas's voice. the man was on the quieter side, sure. he was soft spoken, and his drawl made him some times difficult to understand. but the dejection in his voice was evident, enough that i found myself staring at the slots in a little bit of baffled worry. watching them pass by the wall, Dallas's posture was more in on himself, carrying his art supplies as he made his way to through the arch way and towards his room. it...was sadder than i had seen him in a while, about as sad as he was when eh first joined

"yeah, me too. she made it hard to get to the roof top" as aware as ever, Borbra kept on the same topic, walking past Dallas and towards her own room "will be nice ta have another set of eyes lookin' for the birds though!"

"yeeaah..."

i sighed deeply in sync with Dallas, watching the man from the very edge of the slots as he opened his door and stepped inside. i didn't miss the sound of clattering art supplies as he shut the door behind him...didn't seem like he cared to place them down carefully

the silence that i was left with was deafening and i couldn't stand it any more. pushing open the door, i quickly headed my way down the stairs. i knew a few people would still be out, but i could at least get ONE place in some peace. i hurried down the steps, thanking any and all gods that Randy and Ronbo weren't in their typical locations. i was making a b-line to the boiler room, where i knew i'd have some peace and quiet for a least a while. though i knew i'd have to get...past...

....Trencil wasn't there.

i stopped dead in the courtyard, staring at the empty spot, where the vampire use to be. always was, but wasn't now. the flower that bounced lightly there was unattended and drowsy looking, though looked as if it had been well taken care of. not a weed nor a leaf out of place, and the soil looked fairly damp in the early light of night.

...that was so strange to me, jarringly so. i stood there, mouth agape as i looked around for the familiar red eyed man. where was he? had he actually gone back to his room? had he le-...

_-thump-_

_nope_

shut that down right _this **instant**_ **.**

balling up my fists, i hurried past the spot, rubbing at my face as i felt a torrent of emotions i didn't know how to deal with whelling up, curling in and scratching inside of my chest. it was a buzzing noise slowly but progressively getting more and more traction. like chipped, dry nails dragging at the underside of my throat. obviously i didn't _really_ think he was gone. it would be ridiculous! and especially not coming to say goodbye or anything like that! and his daughter was still here and...

i breathed out, turning the corner sharply and finding the spot in the corner i liked to sit. Trevor usually stood and loitered around in this spot, so i didn't come here as often as i use to. during the summer, it was a great escape from the heat of the sun and day time, and so quite a few of us use to hang out here. the vent was even pushed out so Jimothan could give us food and drinks from the lounge.

pulling my legs up to my chest, i pressed my forehead into my knees as i breathed out slowly, re-centering myself from the emotional fit that had so rudely and abruptly torn it's way through my entire being. i hadn't felt _anything_ like that in a good while, and the sting it brought to my eyes was anything but wanted. harshly rubbing them away with my thumb and pointer finger, i sat there grumbling angerly at myself

"going to cry, huh? that's all you're good at doing, righT?" i hissed at myself, pulling my hand away and staring at the palm of it "going to just cry and _cry_ and **_cry_ **a river to _drown_ in, yeah? worthless _trash_ , stupid garbage _piece of_ -"

"Hello?"

covering my mouth with a harsh slap, i looked around the boiler room in stunned silence. SHit! who the fuck-

"Did'ja hear something?"

"Hmm...I thought..." the increasingly familiar voice made me freeze stiff, staring at the corner of the wall, just where the broken vent was. i knew those voices. knew who they belonged to...

i didn't have to get closer to know where Trencil had gotten off to now. didn't have to go peak to see that he was sitting at the bar, Jimothan behind it cleaning away at one of the glasses. i didn't have to

but i did.

on all fours and pressing fingers and toes wide to support myself, i crept forward until i could ever so slightly peak around the corner, seeing both men where exactly i had pictured they would be. Trencil sat with a glass of something red. wine perhaps? blood? either were equally possibly and neither would surprise me. no, my surprise came at him BEING here. Trencil had never _once_ set foot in the Lounge! what had changed??? in fact, he wasn't the _only_ one acting differently!

Jimothan was smiling behind the bar, his moustache curved ever so slightly upward, cleaning away at the glass all the same but...there was something different about him, something that made my eyes widen and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

"oh well....suppose it could be Wallus shifting in his hole..." Trencil resigned, turning his attention back to the man in front of him "terribly sorry about the interruption.. you were saying?"

"eh, no harm no foul" with a shrug, Jimothan inspected the glass in his hand, then set it under the counter, taking the rag to the sink and soaked it "Don't really remember whatever i was ramblin' about. probably not all that important"

"Hrm...pity. and I was so enjoying hearing of your youthful exploits" running his finger along the lip of the glass, the gentle siren song that poured from it seemed to make both Jimothan and I shiver at it's sound, but for two very different reasons. i pawed at my ears, shaking my head of the high pitch noise as Jim seemed to turn towards it, eye brow cocked ever so slightly and that odd smile playing on his lips

"Well...it's not _typical_ _fashion_ for the bar-keep to do the talking..." with a wet splat, he'd begin wiping down the bar table, not even pausing as he got over to Trencil's area. with ease and neither batting an eye, Trencil lifted his wine glass away, moving away from the counter just as Jimothan brought the rag over. sure, it was easy to just move away but..

this was different. this was practiced. this was a fluid movement that was done without thought. it was like two dancers swaying around each other, not missing a beat or step as they drew close for a moment. for that moment, i held my breath and something in me felt like it was struck with a match.

when the moment passed, Trencil had his glass back on the counter, and Jim was continuing down the bar table, chuckling lightly a tense sound "...perhaps, just this _once_.. i can make an exception."

"Hrm... that is what you say _every_ time _, Jimothan._ " there was a playful tone in the vampire's voice as he sipped at his drink, the smile on his lips pulling back to reveal fangs usually hidden away. it made a heat creep up Jimothan's face as it made me pale in my own. watching, dumbfounded, Jim wiped a bit more at the counter as he began to draw closer to the vampire who sat there. the wet squeaks of the counter was all that was there for a moment, seeming as if the mustached bar-keep was looking for words. which was odd, as Jim _ALWAYS_ had words to give.

"...as I was sayin' then... never really understood the whole... _romance_ thing" he'd state off handedly, taking the rag and twisting it over the sink, returning to his wiping just to the side of the other. he kept his gaze downward, only glancing up at the vampire who watched him the entire time. the way Trencil had his head set in the palm of his hand, the way his eyes half lidded watched Jimothan clean and work...felt invasive for me to be seeing.

something was wrong in me watching this. it felt...personal, _private_. not wrong but... _different_. new and old...and it caused pain in my chest to grow and ache.

"never was a roses and chocolates kinda guy... preferred making meals, or having drinks. just talkin', shootin' the breeze and just bein'...y'know?"

with a hum of acknowledgment, Trencil continued his slow twirl of his finger on his wine glass, eyes lowering to it "I believe I can sympathize with those feelings and thoughts. Twas not easy to gain the favor of those i sought back in the day, nor easy to detour the advances of those i did not." he gave a little shrug, turning his expression back to Jimothan "though I'd like to think, with age and experience, i've learned to charm and beckon those types to approach more readily than before."

the audible gulp from Botch matched a quieter one of my own. it was dawning on me, slowly but surely, what i was watching now... but my mind was reeling from the idea of it. sure, they were two dads that were here at the Habitat. and sure, i held them in a certain regard for that. no matter all of my griping or annoyance at them trying to parent at me, i still saw them in that light...that parental, fatherly light.

so uncomfortable, to say the least, was it to watch as Jimothan slipped back towards Trencil. there was a look in his eyes i didn't know how to read, didn't know how to understand, and yet did. he pushed the rag to the side and placed a hand shakily on Trencil's forearm. was it to keep the other man there, or perhaps to stabilize himself? he didn't look too sure in his actions. 

all the while Trencil watched him with a steady, almost amused gaze. the smile on his lips hadn't changed, and his only movement was to shift one of his hands from his glass of red to settle on the hand on his forearm. he spoke softly, leaning closer to the shaken looking bar-keep. i couldn't really catch the words, but i didn't think they were meant for me to hear. they were meant for the man who shivered because of them. they were meant to draw him closer, and then..

well, they kissed. it was tender and sweet. it lingered, they lingered and when their lips drifted apart, they both smiled...

that was it, that was the final straw for me and what i could handle tonight it seemed. i stood up, running away from the vent and over to the door. the camera watched me as i yanked at the door knob, trying to twist and turn it, to get _away_ from this. this was different, _too_ different. i didn't know how to treat this, what was i supposed to _do_? all of these smiles were like they _had_ been, but _nothing_ was like it **_was_**!

why was everything _different_!? what was _happening_ to the people around me!?! my frustration came from confusion, not exactly at what i was seeing. it was no secret that some of the individuals in this building 'bat for the same team', or whatever the phrase was. i didn't _care_ one way or the other what people sought out in partners nor their life. but this was so _fast_ for me, so _confusing_ ! when had they built up this relationship??? had it always been this way?? why hadn't they _told_ me???? why was it just coming to light _noW_????

i hit my fists against the door then, surpressing the desire to scream as i pleaded into it and up at the camera i knew watched me. "Dr. HAbit, _please_. I can't _do_ this...i-i don't know what _to_ **_do!_** " voice cracking around the edges, my head pressed to the door as i slid down to my knees, craddling my face in my hands as the torrent i so desperately tried to cover began to leak, and with it the feelings behind it came to the surface.

left out. i felt left out and alone. like every one now had secrets that i didn't share in. and if it was from previous life, that i had come to accept! but these were secrets _HERE_. these were secrets that _I_ wasn't being _told_. these were secrets _i_ was left to find out on my own, by _accident_.

"e-everything is _different_..!" i breathed, voice raspy and jaw taunt as i pressed my head harder into the door "every one is _changing_. i-ss it because of the Flower Kid? is it because of the Big Event? am i supposed to be _stopping_ this?" raising my head to the camera, i stared at it with eyes lost in the darkness of the boiler room "am i _supposed_ to stop their _smiling_???" that statement made the pain inside of my flare worse, so bad it nearly took my breath away as it burned at my eyes.

staring at the camera as i was, it was hard to make out the shape through blurry tears that soaked my face. only the red light informed me that it was live. only the red light let me know that some where, on the other side of it, some one was listening to me. it hurt, the pain in my chest a fire ignited by a match i didn't know the name of. the smoke i had thought had been was gas instead, filling my lungs with it's fumes ablaze, _burning_ me from the inside out with an agony i didn't want to remember the name of. of a sorrow i had long buried deep in the hopes of forgetting.

holding my arms, i hit my head lightly against the door, whimpering out my words "I'm so _tired_ Habit...! i _want_ t-to _do_ **good** , i _want_ to _**be** good_..!" a sob tried to force it's way up my throat, but i shoved it down, feeling my body caving in further on itself as i was fetal position in front of the door. on my knees, i bowed over so that my forehead pressed to the floor. my hair fell down around my head, hiding myself from the darkness of the boiler room around me. hiding me from the residents and friends who had changed. from the pain in my chest at the unfamiliarity of the world around me... and the uncertainty of my place in it. 

" _p-please_...just tell me what to _do_..." i cried openly into the ground, not caring how the dirt smudged or caught in my hair and skin. not caring how it dirtied my pants. my whole body ached, and i desperately sought the aid of the one person i felt understood it. the one person who i _knew_ , above all else, would _know_ how to make it _stop_. 

....but minutes passed. first 5, then 10, and the only sound that counted the seconds that ticked by was the drip-drip-dripping of one of the pipes broken back here. the light sound of the music on the jukebox played idly in the lounge, covering up most of the noise from back here. i waited, and i cried, and slowly but steadily the pressure in my head became less urgent. there was no comfort, nor confirmation. there was nothing but a closed door. just like it had been for months now.

just like it would stay.

because _i_ didn't have a key card

because _i_ wasn't _important_ enough to.

sitting up from the floor and on my knees, i could feel the expression on my face. it was hollow and dull, the look i would usually catch myself wearing in times like these. it was an empty expression, uncertain but numb. my tears dried to dirt stains on my cheeks as i affixed my gaze back up on the camera, staring at it for a long while.

was he there, watching me? _ignoring_ me? he had the option to open the door from his end, i knew he did. i had used that same button many of times to open it for him, Wallus and Kamal when the tower had first been built. all it would take was a simple button press. all it would take was an open door...

and it never came,

and it never would.

slowly, steadily, i lowered my gaze back to the door, watching it in the silence of the room for a while longer. i could feel the creeping sensation of the 'air' filling me, but i had little to no care for the consequences of it. i had little to no desire to stand and follow the track that had been lain before me for the last few years. this hell of a rut i now found myself suffering in was a vice around my neck and wrists, shackles that were heavier than anything i had ever known...

...no, that was a lie. 

the pain in my chest. the hollow and dull ache of what was the ghost feeling of a hole reminded me _WHY_ i had come here in the first place. that the ache of following something as painful as this, as confusing and chewed up, screwed up as this...it was all worth it in the end for the one simple fact. the simple fact that got me to pull my legs from underneath my heavy and deadened body and rise to my unsteady, unsure feet. the simple fact that had me stumble my way down the hallway and back into the open 'air' of the Habitat at night.

i trudged through my route. the boiler room, the court yard, the carnival and then the stair case. eyes unseeing, body going through the motions, i made it half way up the second flight when the darkness around me grew too dense. my body too heavy to carry even a step further

the stairs were cool when i lay, and my breathing was slow and shallow. bones made of jelly and filled with lead, the numbness crept over my arms and legs first. creeping closer and closer to the more vital parts of my form. because this, all of this. the distant fear of what i knew was coming next, the confusion of what i had witnessed in the lounge, the creeping dread i felt over taking me in the shape of a shadowy form

all of _this_ was better than the weight i carried in my _heart_

all of _this_ was better than being **_alone_**.

and that was the last thing i thought before the breath of the night took mine, the world swaying and swimming around me as it felt like the pressure in my ears and temples had grown too much. exhaustion and sedation was a beautiful mix that could take even the strongest of souls, and mine wasn't one of those tonight.

clickity-clack

clack clack clack

clickity-

Snap.

" _ **:-)**_ "

.

.

.

.

some where, in the boiler room.

in a wall marked with chalk

shifting

adjusting

a single eye peered out with a soft sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL  
> that happened.  
> FOMO is a bitch, Jim and Trencil are cute old dads not sitting 6 feet apart cuz they both gay af  
> what will our protaganist do next? will he have to endure a PSA for not making it back to his room? did Habit just snap his neck and put him out of his misery? will he ever be able to tell his two adoptive dads he appreciates and supports them?  
> will Dallas be cheered up?  
> will Borba find her Y'owl??  
> did Wallus witness something happen? did he hear Jamie's cries?  
> and what will Tim-Tam steal next??  
> stay tuuuunnned.


	15. Worth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some nightmares happen. perhaps visions of the future? the present? whatever the case, Jamie has some truth bombs dropped on him. how is he going to deal with them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things got a bit dark here, but i genuinely believe it'll only get better from here now. this is a bit of a long chapter, but i hope you all enjoy!

like before, and like always, _i was alone and in darkness._

_it always started like this, for as far back as i could recall. when my mind came 'here', it always started with me being aware that i was asleep._

_i wouldn't call this event 'lucid dreaming', given how little control i had. true, i could_ some times _be aware._ some times _i could change_ **little** _things, or a stop a dream. but this one?_

_no. i wasn't in charge here._

_i wasn't in **control.**_

_laying there, paralyzed, i waited. what kind of 'message' would i receive this time? what kind of torment would i be subjected to? the first time had been enough, truly. the first time's message drove it home that breaking the rules here would not be_ tolerated _. i still remembered the feeling of staring down the hallway, knowing_ something _i couldn't see was staring at me from the bottom of the stairs._

_it had been terrifying, i had felt my heart in my chest hammering away but my body felt as if it's very lines had bound me in place, holding the frame of my colors from being able to fight or flight. my soul had vibrated against the confines, painting me in streaks of red and blue. but i couldn't fight against the 'air' of Martha. and I couldn't fight against the will of Dr. Habit._

_that dream had ended with bright red eyes and an upside down smile rushing up the stairs, a strange guttural noise screeching it's way to greet me. it had caused me to lurch from my bed, where i had awoken. why there? i didn't know, but the cold sweat that had clung to me and the inability to eat for the rest of the day had been enough. i would **never** break the rules again._

_....until i just did._

_and **that's** why i was waiting._

'what would he do to me now', _i wondered with muted anxiety. some how, in this exact moment, i couldn't really FEEL the fear i_ knew _i should. i knew some kind of horror was coming, but there just...wasn't a care enough in me to fear it. my head, even as fuddled as it was right now, could still remember the flavor of my confusion and distress just moments prior to being here. i could still remember the melody of my despair, an agonizing tone that sang in my chest, each rib adding it's own sound to the notes that wove through the veins of my being._

 _maybe, in some way, i_ **wanted** _this to happen. with eyes unopened, i stared up at the darkness. maybe, in some way, i **wanted** to get caught. to break the rule. at least then he'd **TALK** to me. at least then i wouldn't be **alone** any more, would i? for a few, terrifying moments... i would be around some one like **me**. some one who **understood**... even if he was taking years off of my life span._

_...how **sick** was that?_

_contemplating the actual severity of that half lucid thought, i felt the darkness around me shift. oh sure, i had been aware of the vague sense of movement before. it felt like i had been carried like a sack of potatoes at one point. my arms were deadened things filled with lead. helpless, hopeless, **useless.** being carted off wherever i was meant to be. funny, i had seen this done a handful of times, but i never really **knew** what the doctor really did. all i knew is that any one who got caught would wake up back in their rooms._

_or... well... if there were residents. any trespassers though i never saw again._

_that had also happened happened so few times, i didn't typically tend to think about it any more. it wasn't as if the Habitat wasn't just a bus ride away from town after all! stupid teenagers and strangers and hobos some times came around these parts. people who tried to spray paint the walls, or break in to see residents. and it was MY job to track them down and kick them out. the Doctor had **enough** on his plate, after all._

_it was **Gillis's** job to do that in the morning, which was an odd and funny thought to think of that man on the same duty as i... but then again, i never really heard people bothering during the day. though i didn't really talk to people long enough to inquire about it, now did i??_

_my mental process stopped as i felt a pinch, and the flash of pain caused me to wince. pain? that was new. it started in my arm, a dull target radiating with warmth and a bit of sting, as my nerves and senses started to come back online. what, was it to be physical torture now?_

_...deep down, i really wished that scared me more._

_like a steady tide that fit my heart beat, the warmth began to over take me, and i started to breathe faster and faster as my heart began to race. oh god, it felt like i was suddenly on **fire**. like i had been running for days and days on end without rest and without shade. my throat burned, my nose felt clogged, i couldn't grasp enough air into my lungs to feel like i was _bREATHING _!_

_**panic**. panic finally crashed upon me, and i tried to fight my deadened arms to move. i wanted to claw at the flesh of my arm, to rip the damn thing off to soothe the pain it had wrought upon me. i wanted to scream and cry, but it felt like i was being weighted down. a blanket covered me, smoothed me with indifference to my fear and suffering_

_'_ LET ME OUT!' _i shrieked inside of my own body, my eyes a curtain drawn firmly shut as i rattled against my own bones. my muscles were an asylum jacket stretched too thin, my body fitting all of the worst and wrong ways. it felt as if, with the wrong move, i could tear out of my own skin, tear out into something_ monstrous _and **wretched** and _**ugly**

**'silly Jamie,isn't that what you already are?'**

_i audibly gasped, and my eyes snapped open, and i was standing in a clearing. heart racing into a hum, my contracted eyes stared at the silhouette of a smaller form. it looked to be the size of a child, but was featureless aside from it's glowing red eyes and a white smile. it's head was tilted to the side at an angle that surely would've snapped it's neck, and the look of delight creased it's eyes...all three of them_

__

_the heat inside of me ran cold, and strength failed me as i stood in place. prey animal instincts were a powerful thing, and i was rooted to the spot like a deer in head lights._

**'come now, the guard dog has to have a great big grin, don't you?'** _pulling at the corner of it's mouth, they stretched it further and wider than any normal being_ should _be able to. unnaturally straight teeth lined in a neat little row, but as they opened their mouth to talk, i could see what_ truly _lay within that facade. i gasped with a start, falling backwards and trying to scoot away from this entity who stepped in time with my pathetic retreats. there were gaps here and there, and missing teeth sure. but the sharpness of their extra teeth is what threw me, and the fact that they filled all the way to the back of their **throat**. like a never ending shredder, their white teeth ground against each other, causing sparks to click out of their mouth as their words burned like flames_

 **'well? gET uP! you hAVe A _JOb_ TO DO, DON'T YOu?!' ** _the child's laughter grated in my ears, hooked under my skin and yanked at my ability to hold myself upright. like a thief, it stole my wits and my courage and had me on my stomach, trying to crawl away from it as fear screamed inside of me. what was this **thing**? I surely didn't know! how could i?! i didn't even know what hellish plane of existence i found myself on now!! _

_'_ **don't you recognize it?'** _their voice was in my ear, and i managed to scream this time, throwing myself away from them and hitting into something solid. solid enough to knock the winds from my lungs and cause me to have a breathing fit yet again_

_"r_R-R_Rec-" voice ripped away by the dry, burning wind around me, my eyes fought to focus on what i was looking at. the over grown grass wasn't particularly familiar....but yes, true there were walls. i was inside some kind of structure after all. glancing up and around, the dread of the reality around me slowly sank in like a weighted stone in my chest._

_i was in the courtyard. or, what was_ left _of it. it was in ruins and runned down, it's once nice soft walls now covered in grime and dirt, with splatters of dark crimson and smears of imprinted hands. the grass over grown hid the ground from me, but the broken sign of the lounge hung over my head, it's 'o' looking as if a strong enough breeze would send it falling upon me_

_the hallways above had chunks of it's floors missing, and from those i could see doors ripped from their hinges and darkened, empty rooms. and now, as the horror of this sight began to seep into my very being, i could hear the hysterical **laughter** coming from all around me._

_manic sounding, like a horror film, they over lapped and echoed. twisting around each other as the sound of medical tools whirled and wizzed to life. i could hear it, the sound scraping the inside of my skull. i could **feel** the sensation of the filing against my teeth as i heard their laughter pick up in pitch from **pain**_

_"STOP!" i shrieked, beating my fists against my forehead and temples as i shifted onto my knees, trying to bury my face into the dirt to block out this hell scape of a nightmare, my pleading racking through my entire body "MAKE IT STOP! I DIDN'T **WANT** THIS!!"_

_but it didn't stop. it didn't stop as i heard the familiar wet crunching of teeth being removed. it didn't stop as i heard broken sobbing laughter of friends...of people i **knew** and _**cared** _for. i could almost pin point who was in the chair by the sounds of their crying giggles and agonized gasps._

_in that moment, i wanted to shove my fingers into my ears and pierce my ear drums. anything, ANYTHING to make it STOP. the sound of foot steps, however, stopped me as i saw tiny shadow feet standing before me_

**'if you didn't want this, why are you ensuring it will happen'**

_"I-i'm not i....i-i'm..." my voice trembled, hands resting against the dusty flooring as photographs of the habitian's came unburied by the sand and dirt. i tried to brush it away, to reveal the familiar faces that were blurring and changing with the wet in my eyes "i didn't wa-want this! we're s-supposed t-o **hElp** them! we'RE **hElping** ...?"_

_'does that **sound** like _helping _?'_

_a loud whirring noise came, and a high pitched shriek made me grasp at my hair, the sound of the pain knocking the literal wind from my lungs and choking a sob from me._

**_'_ you _know_ this isn't right. _'_**

_a particularly harsh wind blew away the scene from around me. a tornado cleansing, it ripped away the familiar walls, tearing them up into a darkened sky. the photos of all of them flew away from me, and despite my desperate attempts to keep them, to grasp even ONE... they all were torn away and thrown up into an unforgiving storm. hands raised to the sky in the futile effort to catch the flying photos, i brought them down hard against the ground, and felt the pain shoot through my arms as i did. i cried then, cried as i felt sensation in my hands. cried as grief flooded through me and left me in the darkness_

_but three red eyes and a white smile stared down at me, their head tilted at an unnatural angle_

**'you _knew_ this was wrong. no point in crying now. you made your bed, now _lie in it._ '** _their head rattled slightly as it crackend into place, their voice took on a familiar, distorted tone 'a̴f̴t̸e̶r̶ ̵a̸l̷l̸~̶,̸ ̶a̴l̷l̴ ̸g̷ ̷o̵ ̴o̷ ̸d̸ d̷̨̨̬͖͛͂ ̴̛̹͓͘ͅO̵̥̝̹̰̅͝ ̵̭͚̹̄͂̌Ģ̴̯̙̃͊̑S̷̢̟̍̀͜͝ ̶͚̄̾̾ ̵͇̟͎̋̍̽ͅ Ḳ̵͠n̷̦̙̼̿̃ ̷̡̣̾̀͠o̶̤͙̘̍ ̴͓̻̣̃̀́̚W̴̧̎͗ ̸̭͑̓ ḫ̸̥̪̮̕̕ ̸̛̜̹̫̃̄ ̴̛̘O̵͕̞̱̗̊͗ ̷̨͔͒͒̍W̶̥̘̮̅̋ ̷͓̳̼̠̋͒ T̸͚̃̒̔O̵͉̾ ̶̥̹̊̍͠ ̸̤͖͆̎̈͂ ̷̲͎̎͘͠ **P̷̟͉͖͙̟̫͎͙̣͍̆͗̄͒̀͛͌̊̄̅̑̌̈́̇̋̈́͜͜ ̴̨̛̺̤̻͕̹̃͐̅̌̊̒̾̆̽͒̕͝͝͝L̵͇̘̠̪̂̄͛̇̌͗̊̚̚ ̵̦̱̰̅͛̂̈́͆̌̊͌̊̐̂͌̊͒̕͘͠ ̶̛͙̬̩̠̆̂̏̾͘̕A̶͖̦̪͈̝̦͆ ̵̛̭̟̰̳̤͈̣̭̗͖̤̝͓̳͋̋̃̎̄̒̾͝͝ͅͅý̶̡̛̖̮̰̬̹̫̯̘̦̖͚͔ͅ ̴̺͕͔̇**_ **̷̡͇̱̺̙͎̖̯̤̮̘̞̯̖̭̘̲̥̗͑̿͊̓̽̀͗̉̕ͅḊ̷̢͈̙͇̭͍͔͈̭̮̞͐̒̀̂̆̾̕͘̚ ̸̹̄̔̓̏̏̈̕Ę̶̖͈̮̞̮̼͈̼̞̦̘̙̮̮̜̳̙̪̈ͅ ̸̛͈̻̘̦̜̬̹͆̓̈́̐̆͆̒̾͐͛̃̀͆̎̚͜͝͝Ą̶̳͒̄̎́̕ ̸̝̯̯̭̣͚̜̠̀̋̑͒̌̂̽͐̕͝D̴̡̨̧̢̥͙̬̲̠̰̝̞͉̹͉͎̺̬̋̈́̊̓͐̈́̑̄̃̾̆͜͝'**

_the rumbling of the earth was the only warning i had as hands reached out from underneath me, grasping onto my wrists, my legs, my body. their finger nails dug into my skin as i tried to resist them. struggling, crying, i reached for the child who stood over me. with horror filled eyes being dragged into the earth below, i could only watch their form shift between three different shapes. the child with 3 red eyes and a while smile, a shadowy child with red eyes, an orange nose, and a broken cyan smile, and an all too familiar shadow that stared at me with a manic, wicked grin that stretched just too unnaturally far.._

_'Join **U S'** i heard their voices all around me, broken and filled with forced laughter. and i could do little but sink into the earth and let them smother me, let them bury and crush me. it was my **fault**...it was my-_

something touched me.

something touched me and my eyes finally snapped open for the last time.

heaving, i grabbed at whatever was currently resting on my chest. it was heavy and dark and kept me from moving as i struggled in a body still heavy with sleep and gas. feral with fear and eyes blurred, all i saw was shimmering, shaking darkness. was i dying? was this it? was the earth crushing me?

"J̶a̵m̶e̶E̴?!"

why did the earth know my name?

" _J̷a̸m̶e̸e̴_!"

and have a Russian accent...?

"S̶T̴o̶p̷ ̴J̴A̵m̵E̷E̵ ̵i̴T̵ ̵I̴S̶ ̸j̶u̸S̸T̷ ̵ _m̷e̴_!"

yeah, _right_.

i tried to find my voice, but all that came out were strangled little grunts and pitiful choked noises. my mind was too riddled with sleep to find words to express my disbelief at what was being said. this _hell_ had reached a new level and i wasn't having it without a fucking _fight_. if i could just find my _lEGS_ -!!!

another weight pressed on me, and i gave a muffled and helpless snarl at it as it smooshed lightly against my face, making me have to blink and let loose the tears that hung in the corners of my vision. the rough pads against my face made me pause-

pause?

paws??

pads???

??? _to e b e a ns_????

baffled, breathing and heaving, i watched the dark hand be pulled away from my face. now without my home-made salt water obscuring my vision, the first thing i could take note of was the familiar ceiling and window. the familiar bars of a familiar bed, and a familiar closet and closet. i was in my room? i was in my room.

the second thing i took note of, which my eyes had darted to and from several times in assessing my current location, was the shadowy form that sat on the side of my bed. even in the faint light of the moon outside, which had long since passed my window so none light drifted in, i could just make out the shape of his shadow in the darkness of this room. he must have had it tied back, since he didn't look nearly as big as he use to.

Dr. Habit sat on the bed, looking at me with some kind of expression. his red eyes watched me unblinkingly with his cyan mouth pressed into a thin line. his orange nose was...well, orange. it was hard to read a nose expression, okay?

but he was watching me, and my half awake mind could hardly process much of anything. the nightmare still had my heart racing, the pain in my limbs was now just pins and needles of a body that had not been fully awakened yet, still finding all of it's nerve endings and turning them back online. it felt like hours how we sat there, staring at each other. as if we both feared what the other would do, and to break the silence would be to start something.

then again, i kinda _wanted_ to start something, because the high pitching whining of the silence was going to literally drive me up a fucking wall. so finding my jaw, opening and closing my mouth a few times to make sure i knew how it worked, and clearing my throat, i placed my hand carefully on the bed as i looked at him

"....did you just smother me with your hand beans?"

obviously not expecting that to be the first thing out of my mouth, the good dentist seemed to deflate a little with relief. most likely just glad i wasn't trying to attack him any more, perhaps? it was hard to make out most of what his form was doing as he shifted there on the bed, seemingly packing up something into something else just out of my field of view

"...y̷e̷s̷,̶ ̴u̶ ̸w̶e̵r̸e̸ ̶b̴-̵i̸n̵g̴ ̴v̸e̴r̵y̷ ̵w̷i̸g̵g̷l̷y̷ ̸a̴n̵d̵ ̷l̴o̴w̶d̷.̸" he answered after his own pause, the smile on his face growing slightly "I̷ ̶d̴i̴d̴ ̸n̶o̷t̸ ̵'̵w̴a̵n̷t̵'̵ ̸u̴ ̵2̵ ̴h̷u̴r̶t̸ ̴u̸r̸s̴e̴l̶f̵.̷ ̸:̸-̸)̷.̶ ̴A̵g̵a̵i̷n̷.̵"

"again." i answered as a hollow echo of his own words, propping myself up on my elbows to, grunting a little at the effort it took to do so. i could still feel the effects of the gas in my system, and whatever was also inside of it that was counter acting it. sparing a glance at my left arm, i took groggy note of the bandaid placed on it, but didn't make mention of it. that wasn't the most pressing matter to me right now

"Why aren't i getting a PSA right now" it was less of a question and almost an accusation, the way my tone was clipped around it. i didn't look directly at him, not that he was facing towards me any way. no, he was focusing on packing up, surely he would leave now that i wasn't in the state that i was or had been. my feelings sat bitterly in the back of my chest, pressed down by the numbness still in my mind and body, caged by the lingering edges of the nightmare i had witnessed.

"H̵m̵m̸m̶h̶u̷m̴.̵.̸.̷ ̶D̶i̵d̶n̵'̸t̷ ̴'̸f̸e̶e̸l̵'̷ ̵l̵i̴k̴e̶ ̷i̷t̸.̵"

that...wasn't the answer i was expecting. it caught me so off guard, that for a few moments i could only just stare. in the quiet of my room with only the sound of his shuffling about to fill it, we sat in mostly silence. that was, until i could find the mind to question

"...didn't...feel like it?"

a bob of his head was my response that time, and i heard a zipper close itself. trying to sneak a peak at whatever it was he had brought, i could only catch a glimpse of a small bag, something to what i'd claim of being a purse, but probably wasn't. it sat with a flat bottom on the floor, and i could faintly make out the shape of teeth on it, much like his lab coat when he wore it. idly i wondered if he was wearing it now, where ever he currently was.

sighing, i shifted to finally sit up right, rubbing at my tired eyes as i tried to just... _process_. this night had been rougher on me than they had been in a while, but that didn't mean i was _done_ with my _job_ yet. "I'll get back to patrol-"

"N̸o̸ ̷n̶e̵e̴d̷,̶ ̶y̴o̵u̷ ̵w̸i̷l̵l̷ ̴n̵o̸t̶ ̵b̶e̵ ̷d̴o̶i̴n̵g̷ ̵t̴h̷a̷t̵ ̸a̵n̶y̴ ̸m̷o̷r̴e̸.̸"

his voice was so absolute that for a moment, i couldn't process my confusion on it. it sounded like such a fact of reality that to question it would be to question if the sky was truly blue.

but apparently i was feeling particularly odd enough that once the shock of it settled, the words tumbled out through a fumbling brain "i'm...what? i always patrol though, i can s-still do my job Dr., I can still-"

a large hand raised, and he rose from my bed. towering over me, i saw that cyan smile stretching wide and staring down at me were indifferent red eyes. an unfeeling shadow simply repeating whatever he was puppeteering some where else " N̸o̶,̶ ̵i̴t̶ ̶i̴s̵ ̷n̸o̷t̸ ̶n̶e̸e̷-̴d̸e̷d̸.̸ ̸u̵ ̷w̷i̷l̴l̷ ̷n̷o̶t̷ ̶b̷ ̵w̵o̷r̶k̴i̵m̵g̵ ̴4̴ ̶m̴e̸ ̵n̶-̴e̸-̵m̴o̷r̶e̶.̸ ̴d̶e̴n̴-̵t̶i̴s̶t̸'̸s̴ ̴o̸r̶-̴d̸e̵r̸s̸!̶" 

he said it so cheerily, with a little tilt of his head that perhaps would've been cute, had i not been currently going into another state of shock. he was.., firing me? he was firing me.

....He was done with me.

it felt as if the floor underneath me had given way, shattered like i felt. breathing was suddenly difficult as i struggled to find the confines of my body. i was out of a job? i was already out of all of my friends and now i had no job??? i...was this him kicking me out of the Habitat? was it because i didn't do a good enough job with flower kid?? was i not fast enough??? was it because of the boiler room??? oh god it was because of that, i-!

"I-i'm sorry!" i blurted, and he seemed to jump at the loud noise. i pushed the blankets off of me, ignoring the trembling of my hands as i pulled my legs over the side "Is-sorry, sorry i'm sorry, i ca-can still work. i can still _WOrk_ " 

what was i doing? i felt disconnected from myself as i tried to stand. the world around me twisted and bent sickeningly. i could see the frames of each item shifting and rocking, their colors mixing and distorting as my head swam. trying to stand resulted in me nearly crashing to the floor, the wind coming out of me as dark hands kept my panic from driving me completely to make a pitiful mess of myself.

the world was lost to the blurring of tears again, and where his hands held felt numb. but i didn't care. the fear was so real, so engulfing, that i grasped at the hands holding me up and Begged. "I-i Can Be GOod!" my voice cracked, and with each sound i made, i felt further and further away from myself. as almost as if i were watching myself from a third person. was that really me? begging and clinging to the dark shadow that wasn't even Habit?? he wasn't even really here, to give me the message.

i watched and felt, though distant and far away as i felt, as Habit put his hands on my arms and pulled me off of him with hardly any effort. his expression was unreadable to me in that moment, but it felt distant and indifferent "I̶͍̼̍ ̵̧̛͔ẖ̷a̵̮͠ṿ̸̿ė̷̡̗ ̸̢̦̋'̷̢̠͐̀m̴̝̖͑̚a̶̧̚͜d̴͔̚ë̵̫'̶̩͗ ̸̦̌u̸̞̓ṕ̴̢ ̴̤͘͝m̶̱̊̐y̴̪̆̽ ̴̡͈̇m̷̼͍͑ī̴̹̒n̸̼̅̽ḏ̵̂.̴̢̼͒͝" he said with absolution, pushing me back onto the bed and forcing me to sit as the back of my knees hit their side "y̶͉̍o̶̧̥̽̚ụ̵ ̵̗̺̅h̶̫̰̅a̵͉̣̍̓v̴̛͜ē̴̲̣͋ ̸͔̈̋͜d̷͙͐͠ó̶̧̰̎ǹ̸̻̓͜e̵̟̱͋̆ ̵̡͝y̷̪̩̋ö̸̖̙́̈́u̸̢͌r̶͉̈́ ̵͈̀͛'̷̠̌j̷͇̍o̶̡̻͝b̷͕̅'̷̰̅ ̵̘̓̎a̵͍͆͘s̴͓̋ ̸̮̻̈b̸̦̫̌͘e̴̜̠͝s̷͔̼̚͝t̶̤̹͒̑ ̸̥͛ȳ̷̗̂o̵̧͑͌ų̵̫͗ ̵̤̓ͅc̶̥̥͂͛á̵̱͘ň̷̞̺̈,̴̼̔́ ̶͚̾͋ͅb̶̡̹͐ŭ̶͎t̴̫͑ ̴̤̱̈́i̴̐͜ṫ̶͉ ̴̰̜̈́i̷̥̊̇s̶͕̆ ̴͕̒o̶̺͂v̸̲̅́e̶̞̲̅̂r̸̹͆̓ ̶̢͙̀n̸̨̡̓̃o̵̪ẘ̷̙.̶̨̦̿͝ ̷̾͜F̶̢̄̅ő̴̧ĉ̷̖͚ů̵̢̓s̴̡̟̈͌ ̸̧̘̚͘ó̷̦̬n̷͉̆ ̴̝̓r̴̺̈́e̷̙̓̑s̷̱͊̇t̸̠̽̌i̵̫͚n̴̨͗g̴̦̬̾ ̴̥̖̌ȉ̷͔̕ņ̷͒s̵̝͘t̴͇͙͛͝e̶̼̞̽̌a̵̜̯͑͘d̴̜̥̐̏"

truthfully, i don't think i could heard him any more. a high pitch whine and the swimming sensation in my head had really dragged me several levels under disassociation. it was like i had fallen through the shattered cracks of this world and been dropped into an endless dark abyss that i was sinking into, fast. the room felt so small, so cold to me suddenly as i lowered my gaze.

the fight was out of me, and it showed as i nodded my head. there wasn't anything i could do, there was nothing left for me to do. it was over, like he said

"g̴͕̙͝o̴̝͋ö̷̻d̷̻̈.̸̦̂ ̶̥̃͝n̴̢̧͐̑ọ̷̡̑̏w̵̡͙͘͠ ̷͉̖̆͊g̸̗̰̋͘e̴̤̅̊t̴̠̹̍ ̵̨͙̈s̶̨͂̾ǒ̴͙̤m̶͔̥̃ë̸̠̩ ̶̦̔s̸̬͌̓l̷̮͉͆e̸̘͠e̶̮͊̓p̷̘̐.̴͍͂ ̴̥̤͛̅ị̶̿͐ẗ̵͇͠ ̵̤͒i̸͍͝s̸̞͈͌ ̵͚͆v̴̥̤̈́̈́e̸̙̦̍͒r̶̦͕̾y̵͇̠͊̽ ̶͔͒p̵̻̐a̵̪̗͘͘s̷̻̓͊t̷̢̒ ̴̣̉c̸̙̥̑ȗ̶̧̝͑r̶̳͙͑̂e̶̼̳͂-̸̹͖͆̈́f̷̤̚ë̶̺̬̉w̵̲͈" i felt something touch the top of my head, but i was lost to it now. the effort i kept to keep myself upright was dropped, and i slumped on my side rather abruptly. it almost sounded like i had startled him, with the little yelp that i thought that i heard. but that wasn't the case, because why would the doctor be surprised by anything at this point. why would he care.

"sorry.." i managed to murmur as i heard his heels clicking towards the door. i felt...i felt i had to say it, at least once more. it didn't feel like i was going to see him again to offer it, so.. "...sorry i wasn't a good guard...sorry i wasn't good enough..."

my throat tightened too much, causing my voice to cut out at the end as i closed my eyes. i don't know when he left, but eventually i could feel the emptiness of my room. it felt empty and hollow, and caused my chest to tighten around the hole i could feel forming.

though i didn't have long to dwell on it. exhaustion and swirling gas inside was enough to deaden my body once again. the feeling of heaviness on my eyes was this time a blessing, a wanted release from the way i currently felt. with the way rivers streamed down my face, i could only hope that Martha's gas would keep me under until the big event.

or until i was kicked out of the Habitat.

that final thought was enough to erupt a sob from my chest.

-

_this time, i was in a forest._

_it was a dark forest, and the oak was strange. their knots felt more like eyes, staring at me unblinking, not really seeing me._

_i was alone, which was normal. but this time i was already crying. the tears hadn't stopped, and had caused a clear pool of water to fill up at my ankles. broken toys were drifting away into the darkest corners. family photos with half blurred faces, pictures of friends drifting away never to be seen._

_the forest was darker than ever before, and i hadn't even the strength to try to search through it this time. i didn't want to take another useless step forward. i didn't want to try any more._

_sinking to my knees , i covered my face with a pained sob that rattled through me. this was it. i had lost it all. i had left everything behind to try again, and it_ **still** _failed. i had tried my hardest to do good, and it_ **still** _blew up in my face._

_if this was going to be my fate, then better i be lost in this forest now. better i never have to see the light of day again. better i be-!!!_

_-splish, splash-_

_the sound of movement caused me to jerk, looking up in a daze around me. looking all around, i tried to pin point the noise. was that foot steps? was some one else here with me??_

_"w-who is there?!" my tiny voice called out, wiping pitifully at my nose with the back of my hand. i didnt' have to look at my reflection to know i was but a small child. abandoned, unwanted, misunderstood in a world that didn't care. slowly drowning in the salty tears of my own making._

_the splashing came again, but this time a voice drifted around with it_

"why are you crying?"

_the voice was...soft. gentle, and not much different from my own. it took me off guard enough to actually answer_

_"i-i'm alone..." sniffling, i looked down at myself. my hair was a curly, fluffy, wild mess. my ears stood out against it's curls. my eyes were unnatural and dark, and my form much too large for any 'normal' child. "...n-no one likes me... i don't fit in a-any where.."_

"Oh...but that's not true!" t _he voice sounded just behind me, making me flinch away and nearly fall beneath the surface of the water. the tears still continued to fall from my cheeks in almost comical size as i tried to find the source of the voice or foot steps. but instead of a person, i saw a flower._

_it was a Daffodil, just sitting there. some how it's stem had grown out of all of these tears, and it's bright white and yellow petals bloomed towards me. and from the depths of it, it spoke_

"don't you see the trees are crying too?" _it's tone imploring, it's little leaves almost moved as if to gesture "_ you're friends are missing you! _"_

_"w-what...?" this time, i turned my gaze towards the forest. and instead of staring at the dark spaces in between, i looked at the trees themselves. twisted and gnarled still, but...the flower was right. from in between the creases of where the eyes sat, sappy tears streamed down in rivets over the bark. i could... actually tell now that the lines on the trees were CAUSED by these tears. had they...been crying for a long time?_

_"_ you're not alone" _the tiny flower said "_ you have never been alone. all you have to do is reach out. they've been waiting for you all this time!"

_blinking, completely baffled, i turned my attention back to the flower "how do you know? w-who are you any way!?"_

_the flower was gone. but in it's stead was a child now. their form was bright yellow, and difficult to look at. their eyes the brightest thing about them, aas well as their smile. around their head formed the petals, and their hand reached out_

_"_ I'm your friend, that's how i know! the others told me... why don't you come out and see for yourself, Jamie"

_this...wasn't normal. this wasn't what i was use to. nothing in my dreams tried to help me. usually ,everything tried to KILL me. or maim me. from my own half brother, to my parents, to my best friends and lovers. everything tried to murder and destroy me....so why was this child different?_

_and why was i reaching out for them?_

**'this won't end differently'** _i heard my shadow reply. rippling through the water that now came up to my chest, i took a terrified breath in. '_ **they'll throw you aside, too. you'll ruin them, and everything else. there is nothing left for a waste of space like you'**

"that isn't true" _reaching out still, the light child smiled "_ please...just trust me, and try again"

_in the depths of this forest, in the shadows of my grief and loss, i stared at this being of light like they were an anomaly. was the shadow right? would this just hurt me again, like all of the others? the memory of flowers weren't exactly a pleasant thought, and yet... daffodils i knew well._

_Daffodils, one of my few favorites that i recalled the meaning of._

_Rebirth and New Beginnings._

_"...okay.."_

_" **NO** "_

_i reached out and took their hand_

_and everything went white._

_-_

"....that I _LOVE_ Him..."

well, that was loud.

oddly enough, i didn't find myself jerking out of my bed for this loud voice. maybe i was use to it, maybe i was just too dead tired for my body to feel any sort of abrupt movment.

maybe it was just because it was Nat and i couldnt' give less of a shit.

whatever the case being, i groaned, rubbing at my crusted eyes and sniffled a stuffy nose as i stared around my room in quiet, groggy confusion. dreams and nightmares mixed with reality, and i was having a really hard time figuring out which parts had been real, and which had been fake.

had Habit firing me been real? or part of the nightmare where every one was dead? or was this the dream, and i had passed out in the forest? it was so hard to tell, and i was too tired to do little more than just accept this current place as where i needed to be... which i guessed i should check on why Vancy was yelling.

ungracefully, i rolled out of bed and onto the floor. i did try to catch myself, but it really only resulted in me making sure i didn't hit my face on the concrete. the rest of me? eh.

like a drugged snake, i slithered out of bed and crawled over to the door, pulling my legs up underneath me to at least crouch by it. the blanket was strewn behind me, and i was still in my clothes from yesterday. i was sure i was messy and that my eyes were as red as they felt. but with little care, i opened the door to see what fresh hell awaited me.

it was midday, that much i could tell. the sun was shining brightly, and i felt my retinas burn like tuna steaks because of it. hissing lightly, i tried to squint past to see the forms standing out in front of me. it was hard to make out, with my eyes still scorching lightly. but it was too short people, so children of course. one was obviously Nat, yelling about something i just couldn't catch the words of.

the other one was harder to see, they were so bright. but they seemed to be making hand gestures at Nat, and then waving a boquet, they hurried off towards the stairs... what on the fuck-?

"Jamie? what the hell, you look like death"

awesome

"thanks, I need a new job any way.."i croaked with a voice that was raspy and raw. apparently that, along with my appearance, was enough to cause the wise crack the child probably had in mind to stop in her brain. the look i was getting was something of confusion and, dare i say, concern.

i was a pitiful sight then, i knew. if the bat brat felt bad for me, then i really was the bitch end of this stick then. reguardless, i pulled myself out of my room and over to the railing, staring down at the movement in the courtyard. Millie was over in her corner, practicing her swings. I could see Marv had finally surface out of his puddle, and was watching the scene over in the corner. which was our little Flower Kid talking to Trencil, who seemed to just grow chipper by the second.

"...what is going on.." i questioned quietly, knowing I didn't need to look at the only one within hearing range to answer 

"Flower Kid tricked me into saying some sappy things with a megaphone" huffing, indignant, Nat crossed her arms and looked through the railings "...guess Pops heard me. haven't seen him that happy in a while"

"...of course not, he loves the shit out of you" i spat, as if it were an obvious fact of nature. the sky was blue, water was sticky, and Trencil loved his daughter. my tone was clipped, and i could hear her hiss, but i wasn't having it

"seriously, you haven't told him you loved him in HOW long?" i turned to her, giving her an almost exasperated look "i don't care what kind of phase you are going through, or if you think it's 'not cool' or whatever. your Dad is the only one you're ever going to get, and if he's as good as that goofball down there is, you should tell him once and a while that he means something to you. you never know when you're going to just _lose_ them.."

"Look, i KNOW that,okay?" snapping back at me, defensive, i stared at her as her tiny fangs showed with a grimace "I've already learned that lesson once before, okay? some time's it's just...hard. some time's it's hard to express things like this" throwing her hands around her for a moment, she huffed at me and went back to crossing them, closing herself off to me as she looked down at her parent. her ONLY parent.

staring at her for a moment longer, i just shifted my gaze back to him "...sorry.. just... don't make my mistakes, okay?"

" _your_ mistakes?"

why was i bringing this up now? why was i even talking to this kid? she hated my guts, and i was some where just to the left of that. there was no reason to bring up my past. there was no reason to sympathize with her. there was no reason to do ANY of this.

but as i watched the sun light courtyard, and that little yellow flower waving away the vampire and his happy looking flower, i felt something inside of me...coming undone. like something had been knocked loose. or...maybe back into place? it was hard to tell

"...just make sure the people you love know you love them. that's all" i quickly moved away from her, rubbing at my eyes to clear my vision "i have to go do something, see ya Vancy"

just as i got to the door, i heard "Hey!" yelled back at me

stopping, as i so often did, i glanced back over towards her with a tired expression. her pose was hostile-ish, as she almost always was. but there was a different look in her eyes as she stared at me. for a moment, i could see the understanding and age in her eyes. a vampire child was still a vampire, who knew what this kid had gone through outside of these walls

"...don't let people push you around, okay? you're worth more than this"

"....." i just turned from her, tiredly shuffling my way to the stairs and down a flight. i couldn't process that on top of everything else, so i let it linger around my head like a spiraling news bulletin. push me around? was i being pushed around? i didn't think so, but then again i wasn't really thinking either.

stopping on the 2nd landing, i didn't bother to knock open the supply closet. i just...sat there. in this cool, shady spot of the stairwell, i contemplated what the hell i thought i was doing here. Habit had fired me, i wasn't at liberty to continue this charade with Flower Kid any longer. i wasn't required to really do anything any more. in fact, my vague memory recalled he had told me to actually rest.

but with the sound of some dirt shuffling beneath me, i knew that that wasn't something i could do. i couldn't just..lay around all day. sleep? sure...but man, i had had my fill of that for a while. and if i wasn't working for Habit...i had to find something else to do. was...could i still be security? was that even what i wanted in the first place?

the images of a runned down Habitat flashed around me, and i winced, covering my eyes and trying to even my breathing. if...if everything i had been doing was leading to tHAT...then... what was the right thing to do?? what did i want to be doing??? i had thought iwas helping... 

rubbing my face in my hands, i curled up against the corner of the wall, feeling it's cool and hard surface against my jacket. if i had done that thinking i was helping, then...didn't that mean i wanted to help? all of the people here... i had gotten close to some of them, many of them actually... i had wanted to help their smiles, to help them grow big and better. We had been working towards that! the three of us...Kamal, myself...and Bor-....and _Habit_.

and we had been such a good little family! Jimothan and Gillis, and Wallus and Tiff. wiping at my eyes, i could feel the water works trying to work up again. we had all set up as our own little staff, and had kept this place running good and well for everyone who had signed up.

so if we had just been wanting to help, why were things like this now? why were my friends miserable for so long until this Flower Kid came?? why were they in danger?? who was going to put them in danger???

...that felt like a stupid question, but the answer wasn't something i wanted to see. i didn't want to believe it, and so when the on coming footsteps caught my ear, i simply looked away from it to see who was here.

surprise suprise, it was Flower Kid.

they stood there in their over sized jacket and that trade mark smile on their face. they were bouncing on their toes, and looking at me expectedly.... what, did they have something for me?

"Hi Flower Child.." dropping all facade of the role i had played, i waved a hand and then put it back into place around my legs "...whadd'ya got there, kiddo.."

undeterred by my attitude, or perhaps ignoring it, i watched as they excitedly began rustling through their bouquet. honestly...i hadn't ever bothered to look at this kid up close. their cap covered up almost all of their hair...in fact, i couldn't see any at all. just the head of a flower on top of their own. they had freckles, little spots of light against their own tanny skin. there was a gap in their teeth that i could see when ever they smiled or expressed...pretty much any emotion. despite their silence, they were very expressive. so when they finally found what they were looking for, i could tell they were about to pull it out to show me.

leaning back, i watched as they pulled out the frame of some kind of drawing. it was the back part of it at first. but as they turned it around

...my breath caught in my throat.

...he kept it?

reaching out with soft hands, i carefully took the canvas from them. i wasn't really one to paint, it really wasn't something artistically i could wrap my head around... but i had tried, from time to time. i had tried once, while here.

the paint was metallic slightly, as it had a sheen to it. the handprints on it were messy and smeared. it was literally hand painted, after all. the strokes i could retrace with my finger tips, remembering each line and feeling i had put into this swirling vortex of colors. and all of them came to the center of it, a pink rose that took all of the other colors and pulled it into it's own, glorious shape. sure, it was messy. obviously the work of some one unfamiliar with the art... and the fact that there was only ONE person who would've had this... and he had _kept_ it.

"...how did you get this" i asked, staring at the art with eyes that were threatening to blur again. why would an actual artist keep this messy vent piece? it had been at LEAST a year or more ago! hadn't he thrown it out, like i had asked? hadn't he tossed it away? it didn't have anything to do with him, or his obsession with Mirphy! why had he kept it?!

looking to Flower Kid, they were making a fair decent amount of hand signals at me, but i just...i couldn't' understand. they were signing, but i couldn't read it, i

"...i-i can't understand" i blurted, interrupting whatever they were trying to spell to me "i can't understand you... w-why are you doing this? why are you _helping_ us??" 

that phrasing wasn't lost on me, even in that moment of vulnerability. unblinded now, i could see the others were happier since Flower Kid came. everything that had been...hadn't really been working, had it? everything i had been protecting and enforcing... was just making us all miserable, wasn't it? so why was this _child_ doing this?? why out of all of the people here...why were they the only one able to figure out what we couldn't in years?

their big green eye stared at me, and it felt as if i were looking into the branches of a tree. perhaps not too old, but old enough to know more than i. it felt like i was in a new forest. rich and bright and over grown with flowers. a breeze blew, and they wrinkled their nose up in a smile, gesturing to their face

"....you...want us...to smile..?"

they nodded rapidly, and placed their hand on my arm for a moment, pointing up the stairwell, to the floor above us. i could hear the shuffling of papers, and the slightest bit of humming that came from it. ahh...had they gotten to Dallas too? obviously, given...well...

looking at the painting, i looked back at them with a quiet, curious look. every one else was listening to this kid...and well, i was a free agent now

"...okay...i'll go see him"

clapping their hands together rapidly, they raced up the stairs ahead of me. i had barely gotten to my feet by the time they were out of my sight. i figured, as i went up the first flight, they would be waiting there to see me speak with Dallas. but he was on his own once i got up the last flight in this stair well. the first thing i noticed was he was missing his painting thing. disk? whatever. but...he was smiling. already he had some papers taped up in his corner, and it looked like he was going back to basics with some sketches and a pencil

not taking notice of me at first, i cleared my throat to gain his attention, adding a "hey...Dallas.." onto the end of it.

the painter turned to look at me, and the smile he gave me caused me to shuffle a bit in place "ohhh heeeey Jaaammiiiiee...s'beeennn a whiiiillle! hoooow aaarrreee yaaaa..?"

...that actually made me scoff a laugh "...it's been a day, i think...since i last spoke to you...uh..maybe..i don't really know.., time isn't...uhm..." shaking my head, trying to stop my rambling, i took a step closer, away from the edge of the stair case and closer to the door of the apartments. Dallas watched me, and i could see the change in his gaze the way it had happened with Nat. it was..concern, wasn't it? i really must look like hell

but before he could get out questions, i held the painting up, directing his attention to it "i uh...Flower Kid gave me this. you kept it..?"

"Ooh....yeeaaaah..." he chuckled, fixing his glasses on his face as he gave it a look over "it wwaaaas a raaad piece...felt a shaaame to just tossss it befooooree...so I held onto iiiit for yaaa.." he'd scratch at his chin, looking directly at me "...was hoopppiiing you'd come baaack for it..."

"..ah.." i shrank a little in on myself, pulling it closer

"yeeeaaahh.. but theeen Flooower Chiiiillld came. i was reaaaally down in the duuumps before..." scratching at his braded hair, he glanced off to the side with a look of embarressment "....was in a reeaaall crumby plaaace for a whiiillle....thought only of myseeelllf...and what i waaaannted...wasn't cooool maaann.."

"..no, doesn't sound it..."

he chuckled, scratching at his smock now "but theeey caaame...knocked some seennnnse into me...and eeeveeennn handed out soooome of my art to the ooothers..."

that caught me off guard, my head jerking back a little in surprise "your art? you gave your art away??"

"yeah!! wild, isn't iiiit?" he looked lively now, his smile growing as he looked to me with bright eyes "i diiidn't think aaany one would liike it! but Flower Chilld Tooootally found people who looooved the pieces!! that weeereewolf one...and the suuuper hero one...eveeenn the flowers i did-"

"wait, your flower painting?" despite myself. despite EVERYTHING, i got...giddy. my hand flapped a little, looking to him "you spent HOURs on that one...i-i remember, you kept asking about the colors! some one took it??"

"yup!!" bright and beaming, i couldn't help my own smile on my face as he shook his head from the excitment. it made me want to flap my own arms, to clap and stamp, but i held myself in check. i had a painting in my arms, after all

"Dallas that is..." breathless, smiling, i soften "..that's the best damn thing i've heard today... i'm really happy for you"

"yeeeaahh...thank you, reeaaally... Flower Chiiild is really working over tiiimmme for us here..." rubbing at his neck, he'd glance over through the door. my eyes followed his, and sure enough i could catch a glimpse of Flower Kid...creeping up behind Mirphy

with a camera.

-CLICK-

"....at leaaast, I thiiiink they aarrree.."

his confusion matched my own as we just watched Flower Child shake the photo they had taken, then offer it to Mirphy. by the sound of the loud bouncing blonde, it seemed as if it had made her happy.

...and then i found myself laughing.

i couldn't stop myself. covering my face, i laughed. i laughed hard, and loud. loud enough that Nat down the hall and Dallas both looked at me. loud enough that i could hear it echo in the stair well.

when my fit ended. when i was a heaving, shaking mess. when i could hardly stand up straight any more and felt the supportive hands of a friend on my shoulders, i finally lowered my hand and looked up to him with red rimmed eyes blind by tears

"Hheeyy maann...aarree you alriiight..?"

for the first time in what felt like a life time, i genuinely felt like some one asking me that meant it

"....not at all.." i said through a beaming grin and bleary eyes "...I fucked up Dallas....and i gotta make it right"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to quickly state that this fic now has a ask-blog connected to it!!  
> https://habbytarium.tumblr.com/  
> the blog tells the story from Habit's point of view!! you are welcome to ask questions here in the comments if you don't have a tumblr, or go address it to the big lug himself.  
> thank you so much every one who has been reading. this has been a project i started...lol entirely for myself, but i've begun to really branch out and have others add to it (especially with the blog, as things there will be made canon here ovo)  
> it's been a blast and all of this has been helping me out of just...some of my roughest months in 2020. i look forward to doing more on this!  
> stay safe and remember to drink water!!


	16. Interlude : Growth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FK is having a pretty great time here at the Habitat. every is so nice, and so fun to be around! even that strange person Jamie seems to be coming around. maybe that air of change is starting to bring him around too!

I couldn't believe how great things were turning out!

and the day had started off so bizarre too!

color me surprised when in the early morning, a scream had been heard through well...a good portion of the Habitat. it had been loud enough to even stir me from my sleep! rubbing sleepy eyes, i had peered around my room, and at my door (since Nat usually was standing out front it, 'guarding' as she put it). and she didn't look too concerned or phased, so i had brushed it off to get a few more winks.

when i got up some time around 9, that's when things had really kicked up! energized and excited, i got up out of bed, checked on my newly growing flower friend in the window sill. i had managed to get it to grow, and i had given the two-lips a little kiss and something to drink, but now i was a little stumped! the flower was smiling at me, and i couldn't figure out what next to do.

but i was determined!! and i was sure the answer would come to me. so many of my new friends had been helping me as much as i was helping them, i was absolutely certain i'd figure it out! i had to, i _wanted_ too.

pulling out my bouquet, i looked at the diary pages i had managed to collect and obtain, staring at them from underneath my cap as i headed out the door. there was still some one here i hadn't met. some one who needed help, of that i was certain. and i wasn't going to leave here until i knew i could put a smile on his face too.

but! with a smile of my own, i turned on my heels to greet Nat, mischief good doing in my heart as i pulled the megaphone out behind my back.

like father like daughter, hmmm?

i could hear her ranting behind me as i megaphoned her confession and admission out for the court yard to hear, bounding down the stairs with muted giggles as i ran down as fast as i could. waving at Randy as i passed him by, his green coloration still quite in tact (was he ever going to wash that brine off? i hoped so) and out the courtyard to see Trencil. the 'not-a-vampire' looked quite in shock, but i could see the smile already creeping up his face from here. could already see the blue flowers beginning to bloom around him.

i was _ecstatic_. 

today, despite how odd i had woken up, was going great!! i was quickly hurrying up the stairs, wanting to see the look on Nat's face when...oh!

this was a surprise, but a pleasant one! Noh was sitting there on the stairs! i came to a halt in my steps, seeing them just...sitting there. usually they were tucked away and hidden but...well, something seemed a bit different about them. the others i had asked and described them to had said their name was 'Jamie'. the security guard for the Habitat, and some one who reported right to Habit himself. but they looked just as sad as any one else, so i had decided to do their tasks, to see if that would make them any better!

"Hi Flower Child..." they mumbled at me, looking ...well, sad "...whadd'ya got there, kiddo..."

oh, was i bouncing? i was! well, it was because i was excited! this had been extra fun for me to get a hold of, and it had helped Dallas in the process! the painter had gotten so sad and depressed after realizing he was fixating on the wrong person, and so he had given me some of his old art. and i had found good homes for them with a bunch of our friends!! but afterwards, when he had given me his pallete, i asked him about the riddle i had been given

-

_"Oohhh...you talkin to JAaaammiiie agaaaiinnnn?"_

_i had nodded rapidly, throwing my hands up towards him, as if he could give me the answer i sought._

_last time it had been Randy and Trencil who had helped me. Randy was able to figure out the cryptid words that had been given to me, and Trencil had been able to sing me the melody that was required. it had been wonderful teamwork! and now, with an eager gaze, i looked to Dallas as he thought_

_"weellll...something that iiisss apart of yooouuuu can be your aaaaart some times maaannn....and I haaapppeennnn to haaaave one of hiiiiis older pieeeeces.." going off to his room for a brief moment, Dallas returned with that which i needed_

_carefully taking the painting, i had stored it away until i could see Jamie again_

-

which was right now!!!

pulling out the canvas, i handed it over to the depressed looking individual, beaming nearly ear to ear for those beautiful blue flowers to bloom.

when they took it, i was watching them. excited, my breath was held as i waited. i could hardly stay still though, my feet tapping and shifting as i watched their eyes widen and stare over the drawing. it was a very nice drawing, if i could say so myself! i could see where the brush had been given up for hands, and i liked that! finger painting was always a blast back home with-

"...how did you get this" 

Jamie's question interrupted my thoughts, looking to him as he stared at me for a moment, then back at his drawing. his eyes were watery, i could tell, but i could see the faintest of blue around him, so it was a good watery i think.

blinking, i pulled up my sleeves and began trying to sign to them that i had gotten it from Dallas, how he had explained he had kept it all this time, and that he was looking forward to trying to paint with Jamie again some time

but that familiar, frustrated expression of some one who didn't know sign quickly had me pause in my tracks, their quiet "...I-I can't understand" further solidifying that.

"I can't understand you... w-why are you doing this? why are you _helping_ us??"

well...that just seemed like a silly question to ask. i stared at them, trying to figure out why they were asking this. why did i help people? wasn't it obvious? well... i couldn't really explain 'i want to' very well without sign, so...

i smiled, wrinkling my nose as i pointed to my face. hopefully the bare minimum of this would get my point across. smile drawing across my face, i watched their confused, dumb founded expression as they simply stared at me. and then, after a moment, spoke

"....you...want us...to smile..?"

**_yes!!!_ **

excitedly nodding, i tapped his arm a few times, then pointed upwards. i _knew_ Dallas would still be out there. the painter had expressed how much he had missed his drawing buddy, so hopefully..!! _hopefully_!!!!

"...okay...i'll go see him"

 _ **YES**_!!!

physically unable to stop my clapping, i stamped my feet and zoomed up the stairs. this would be _great_!! and while that was happening, i could go and help Mirphy now!!! aH!!!

thanks to Marv's fishing pole, and some staring that Tim-Tam gave me, i was able to distract the tall blonde with the fish on the edge of the pole. 

slowing my roll, i fished my camera out of my bouquet and began creeping up behind her. it was such a peculiar ask, to get some ones butt on a photograph...but i figured ey, instead of making any one uncomfortable...i'll just take a picture of HER butt.

surely that 'd be acceptable, yeah?

crouching low, creeping slow, i held my camera at the ready. the world was lost to me, and i was focused on this one.

single.

picture.

-CLICK-

AND SUCCESS!!!

taking the photo i had gotten, i quickly ran up to Mirphy. the sound of my steps alerted her to me, despite her focus on the fish, and i pushed the photo into her hands, grinning wildly up at her. there was obvious confusion on her face for a moment, taking the photo, looking at it and-

"Why........."

wait for it

"...this is........."

_wait for it_

"you've.........."

**_wait for-_ **

"THIS IS THE MOTS BEAUTIFUL BUTT I'VE EVER SEEN!!!"

THERE IT IS!!

the joy that radiated off of Mirphy was contagious, causing me to flap my hands in excitment as she admired...well, the photograph. adults were weird, but hey! the Bluehearts were in full bloom all around her, and i was humming happily along with the melody that they gave!

"here, let me see your camera for a moment" oh?? what was this??? she was upgrading my camera??? WITH A FLASH??? a smile grew across my face as i knew the EXACT FIRST THING I was going to do with this!! after all, I still had the key to Tiff's room!!

making grabby hands at Mirphy as she gave the camera too me, i spun around swiftly and made my way over to the door, pausing for a moment to look a flash of movement in the corner of my eye. blinking but letting my head turn with it, my gaze fell down into the courtyard where some one was moving quickly through it. oh! it was Jamie!! he hopped over the puddle Marv liked to live in, starling the old man as he peered out of teh water and watched Jamie...well, go some where. he was out of my view after a point, and i waaas tempted to go look...but!!

the contract came first!!

quickly, i opened up Tiff's door, heading into the dimly lit and sweet smelling room and over to the offending paper on the wall. scrunching up my nose, i took out my camera and angled it just right, letting the flash click off once

...and again

....annnd again.

wow, Habit really made this resistant!

-CLICK-

FINALLY!

staring at the blank paper, i gave a little bit of a grin. Momma told me all about contracts like these. that should be enough to put it into 'null en void'. hopefully Tiff would already begin to feel better with it done, i had so much work to do!!

tucking the camera into my bouquet, i hurried out of the room, shut and locked it, and then over to the stair case...when i noticed something odd.

Nat was sitting at the very edge of the railings, staring intently down at the court yard. what was going on? was she okay? worried, i diverted my path away from the stairs and over to her, already trying to get her attention by snapping my fingers. but when she didn't turn to look at me, all i could do was follow her gaze to...oh!

Jamie was talking to Trencil??

indeed, standing down in the courtyard, the two of them were lurking in the shadows the walls gave off in that particular corner. Trencil was eyeing Jamie with an odd expression, and I couldn't see the other's face from here. his back was turned to me, the entirety of his focus on the vampire in front of him

"They've been talking for a while" Nat piped up unprompted, but i nodded despite it, head tilting to the side. Trencil had told me they were some what close...it wasn't so peculiar to see them talking...but about what? it was hard to hear from here... and from the frustrated hiss i could hear from Nat beside me, neither could see.

"my old man is talking about him and Jimothan" she'd offer, giving me a glance before focusing back on the conversation. "but they were talking about Habit first. there was something about the night, and then a song...Dad's gum habits are really annoying for this"

i nodded in sympathy i couldn't have. this wasn't really a situation i could say i had ever been in before! reading lips was one thing, but reading them across three flours and a courtyard? i could hardly make out there faces from here! let alone whatever they were-

"They are talking about you"

say what now?

eyes wide, i leaned close to Nat, gripping her shoulders as i tried to squint my hardest to see what was going on. her "hey!" got me to adjust a few times, but i still used her as a prop to peer. sighing, rolling her eyes, the younger vampire simply kept reading, unbothered by my presence

"Dad is talking about how you helped him before, with the flowers"

I smiled

"and he's saying he knows your mother"

and the smile was gone

"he's talking about your family's flower shop in town too."

that earned a shrug. my Mother owned a few flower shops, a chain here and there. this was one of the branches. it didn't surprise me it was popular, given we had been delivering around the town for a while. thinking about that made me frown more, so i focused back on Nat's words

"he's saying he doesn't know why you are...here, i think.... and now he's asking Jamie what's wrong with him?" rubbing her eyes, she grumbled "it's too damn bright to be staring this hard..."

i slightly patted her for the swear, but honestly couldn't worry about that so much right now. was Jamie confiding in Trencil? maybe i could figure out how to help him better from this? maybe-

annnd he was leaving.

abruptly, Jamie turned around, causing Nat and I to both duck down to the ground and out of view. oh no!! had we been caught!?

breathing heavily and heart hammering, i chanced a peak over the side of the edge of the floor...only to see Trencil standing there, alone. his gaze was down the corridor, leading to the boiler room... was that where Jamie had gone?? was he perhaps going to go talk to Trevor?? or Wallus?? maybe i should go down there too... oh! but first, Tim-Tam!

pulling out my punching glove, i abruptly bahped Nat, grinning wide and scrambling to my feet as the vampire hollared after me "HEY! You keep those mitts away from my fair complexion. My dad's a powerful guy, you know!!"

i could hear her shouting something else, but it was muffled as i hurried up the stairs and off to my next mission from Tim-Tam!!

I'd worry about what Jamie was doing later, i was almost certain i'd run into him again!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> people who know of Habit's blog may see some similiarites here to some of the events on the blog :)c in case it needs to be restated, the blog and the story are one whole story, meaning they do and WILL affect each other! to get the other side of this story, from Habit's POV himself, feel free to follow!! https://habbytarium.tumblr.com/


	17. Waking Up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie, after talking with some people, begins to realize some things  
> and that maybe, just maybe, Flower Kid might know what they are doing

...I was starting to understand just how badly I had fucked up.

it had taken a little bit of time, standing at the entry way to the top of the staircase. the sun was shining down on us, and for the first time in quite a long time i was grateful for the warmth she provided. i stood there, sucking in breaths as i tried to settle myself. the sounds of my half choked sobs were filling the staircase, and i could hear the slightest of murmuring coming from the bottom of it.

Dallas was there though, and it hadn't been the first time the man had seen me cry. there was some surprise, and i couldn't blame him really. it had been a long time since i had cried in front of others. it had been a long time since i had felt safe enough to do so.

though 'safe' wasn't really what i felt right now, more like 'overwhelmed'. just watching Flower Kid go about their little mission of good will had broken something inside of me that had been built hard and cold around myself. i felt...well... I FELT.

and that was a difficult sea to navigate for me.

the grounding hands of the artist kept me from wandering too far near the stairs, Dallas leading me more towards the door and keeping my back to the wall as i tried to keep from hyperventilating, my mind racing ever forward and under and around the new concepts coming into my shaken and rattled mind. if everything i knew right now was wrong, then that would mean that i was wrong. that meant everything i had been doing up until this point was wrong. 

and if everything i did was what Dr.Habit said

then Dr.Habit was wrong.

and that was a very hard concept to wrap my head around. 

how could he be wrong?? the whole idea of the Habitat was to help the 'frownies'! it was supposed to be a place of healing and safety!! this place was built so that people could take time to figure themselves out, and seek the help the needed. sure he had been a little harsh... what with the daily PSA's...and the restricting of access to the outside world...and the whole 'tooth brush' incident...and..

.....

....that was already way too many things, wasn't it?

running my fingers through my hair, i tried to settle on the physical feelings around me. Dallas had kept a hand on my shoulder and was near enough to me that i could feel his body heat. was he saying anything? i couldn't tell. all i could hear was a high pitch whine that was radiating inside of my head and skull. the world around me felt like it was swirling, like i had breathed in too much 'air'-(that was probably another bad thing, the fact that the 'air' was being gassed, wasn't it?)- like i would at night time. or maybe i wasn't breathing enough at all. i tried doing that

and another lungful

and another 

and another

and soon, the world stopped swaying as i started to breathe again. okay, breathing, that's a good start to regulating myself. the next great start would be to stop crying. i was wiping at my eyes when something soft touched my face. startled by a forigen sensation, i jolted away from the unassuming handkerchief that had been dabbed on my face.

"WWhoooooaa..! sorrryy maann.." Dallas, looking sheepish, offered me the hankie instead of trying to touch my face again "...didn't thiiink that one throooughh.."

"...it's....i-it's alright" sniffling, i took it from him, felt the fabric in my hand and simply...sat, rubbing it between my fingers. sure, that wasn't why he had offered it to me...but i mean c'mon, it's a silk hankie! it feels _awesome_. i sat there with Dallas, my breathing calming as i continued to rub and twist the fabric between my fingers, sniffling and dabbing at my eyes vocationally. the gesture really helped to soothe and agitate the reason why i was crying, giving me a nice grey realm of confusion to replace the complete mass of emotional torrent that had been drowning me. i had to figure out what to do next, what was my next move now that i had realized this.

i had to make it right. and how was i going to do that?

by talking to the smartest people in this place first, that's how.

i felt it creeping in my bones, a drive and need to put together pieces of what had been left around me. the stray fragmented threads that had gone astray throughout the last few months. one i held close right now, turning to return his handkerchief to him

"thank you...Dallas..i gotta make things right..." looking him in the eyes, i'd give him the hint of a smile "..thank you..for keeping that painting"

confused but willing, Dallas returned my smile as he tucked the hanky back into his poncho "eeeyy maaann...it's no prooobleem... glaaad I could help...yaaa knoooow I'm alwaaaysss arooouunnd.." the smile he had would grow a bit more "in alll hooonnestyy....it's niiice to have a friiieennnd agaaainnn.."

"...it really is.." patting his shoulder, I stood up "we'll catch up later, okay?? I gotta go talk to Trencil..I gotta go talk to alot of people"

with that, i stepped off the side of the stairs. with purpose, i fell, feeling a release on myself that hadn't been there in a very, very long time. the floor rose up to meet me, and the startled yelp of Randy was noted as i curved my way around him. sure, my landing wasn't all that graceful, but i didn't hit the green-tinted-pickle-man now did i? awkwardly bent like a game of twister, i rolled away from him and bolted towards the door, throwing a "Sorry Randy!" over my shoulder as i went across the court yard. it was startling, I was sure, to see me at this time of day. I could hear the surprised honk and the "HOLY MOLLY" of Millie as i went booking it right over the puddle in the middle of the yard. I could even hear the "Wot in tarnation?" come from Marv, but i hardly let it stop my stride.

no, i didn't stop until i came face to face with the man i was looking to speak with. my feet slammed into the earth and i came to a halt right in front of the shady vampire. he regarded me calmly, though i could see surprise in those pink eyes of his. the quirk of his quizzical brow and the soft blow of his bubble gum as he caused it to grow before him. there was no words he seemed ready to give...or was he waiting to see what I would start with?

"I'm sorry"

that seemed like a good place to start, considering his bubble popped immediately 

"I'm sorry for everything I've been doing" the words, like a faucet, began to pour out of me as my breathing tried to level itself "I'm sorry i was such a bitch the other...week? week, right? i don't know, time is kinda weird- off topic. I'm sorry. I 'm sorry i didn't say it sooner. I'm sorry i didn't talk to you. I'm _sorry_ " gasping for breath, i coughed into my arm, trying to settle myself to speak a little more clearly and coherently. obviously, my broken speech and disshelved self was making the vampire in front of me fret. with the way his brows had knit together and his chewing had stopped all together, i was surprised the man hadn't stopped me

but if he wasn't going to, then this faucet was going to keep going

"I know now...maybe, i don't know. it's still kind screwed up in my head. but this- all of this? it's not right, it's...wrong, it's bad. this is all bad" i gestured to the courtyard, to the Habitat itself...to myself, bringing my gaze to the floor with it. the guilt of that statement hung from my neck like a rock of shame

"...i'm not asking forgiveness, or anything like that. but i wanted to start fixing things. fixing things means apologizing, you have to start some where...and i..I'm going to make things right" gripping at my jacket, my own brows furrowed "..I'm going to make this place right again."

"...I see" his tone sounded indifferent, and i was too afraid to look up at him. my heart was hammering in my chest, i could hardly believe how hard it pounded. how could a beating heart beat-beat-beat so fast and not burn itself out? how could it continue to push the blood in my veins that crept over the back of my neck and burned me with embarrassment and shame.

i was sure he could hear it, there was no point in hiding it. but still i pulled up my collar, feeling the need to protect the nape of my neck instinctively 

"..and...how pray-tell do you plan do fix this place, Jamie?" still unreadable, i spared a glance to his expression. color me surprised when i saw not disappointment or anger, but a quiet concern. it wasn't as soft as it had been, and that i could only believe was from the pain i had left him with. but he met my gaze with the look a man like him would often hold. a father's gaze, steady, unwavering and caring

it made my eyes prickle wet all over again, but i kept my gaze on his "...I'm figuring that out. i have...have to figure out how much wrong it is. I need to find the r-root.." my gaze flickered down the boiler hallway, and Trencil's own gaze followed it before turning to my face

"...You are a smart enough man to know the answer to that already, Jamie." i winced, because he was right. there was no beating around the bush on it as the fact was clear as the sun in the sky : Habit was wrong. All of this had been caused by his view, his 'vision'...his twisted game of 'self help'. but..

But i couldn't...

"I have to figure it out" i'd state a little firmly, feeling the feeling settle in the pit of my stomach as i stared down the hallway "I have to to go forward figure out what is holding me back first. you can't get better till you face what you fear, right?" the corner of my lip pulled up a little into a sarcastic grin. one that quickly dissolved when Trencil did not match it

holding his flower closer, i watched the vampire straighten himself. he was a tall man, i'd give him that. i was on the average-maybe-a-bit-taller side, but i felt smaller as he spoke to me

"Yes, that is a truth that this world has failed to learn time and time again. But one needs to know what they fear first in order to confront it. Are you sure you are ready for that, Jamie? Are you sure you are ready to look into the depths and bowels of this place and see your short comings?"

i flinched at that, but Trencil continued, his voice stern "That doctor has long since lost the respect of the populace of this place for his mannerisms and ways. He is but a child, writhing in his own misery and taking it out on the ones around him. to think it took so long to see.." he shook his head, letting out a subtle hiss before he continued "a child is a child, but he has caused harm none the less. are you ready to face that truth? are you willing to face what comes after?"

...was i ready? i...didn't know.

i didn't think about that, and my expression probably showed as much. i got caught up in my feelings, the thumping of my heart, that i hadn't thought what would happen after. what would fixing do to this place? what would it mean? what would changing the Habitat entail? 

would it close down?

if it closed down, would every one leave?

would i have to leav-

pain shot through my skull and i winced again, putting a hand on my face as i gasped audiably. pulse racing, hands shaking, i tried to catch my breath as the world around me shifted and changed. it flickered, like a broken and warn down slide show, between different scenes. the reddened lens of my nightmares, the handprints all over the walls and the distorted laughing screams that echoed around. and now a new lens, tinted a dull grey blue. the empty Habitat, in ruin from disuse and care. the silence was a deafening noise as it sat in the shadows of what it once was. the lounge, closed off and boarded up. the TV screen a cracked black pool of nothingness. the paintings, papers and posters all were in tatters, worn from time or torn down long ago.

would i be alone after this, then? if i confronted Habit...would that be it then? in doing the right thing, would that mean giving up everything that had been? they'd all be free. free of this place, free to leave and go where ever they wanted, be who ever they wanted to be, be HAPPY.

and i'd..?

i'd...

"...I'm not sure. but i know it's the right thing to do" was my reply, looking back to Trencil with blurry eyes. i saw his head twitch faintly as he looked upon me, and his fingers shifted in place on his flower pot as i continued "..this isn't the right way to help people you care about. this isn't the right way to help people, _period_.... all i ever wanted to do is _help_ people, Trencil. every one here was in so much _pain_ when they came here. they were lost, lonely... _hurting_..." holding my arms, i sighed lightly through my teeth "..and i guess i got lost along the way... but i don't want to keep doing the wrong thing. I don't want to keep repeating the same _mistakes_ over and over. if some one i love is causing the other people i care about pain, then I have to step up and stop it. no matter what"

this time, the vampire seemed unable to help himself. a hand moved out, and he drew me closer to him. the embrace was unforseen...but welcomed. the shock had me tense as i tried to process this affection, but once i did, i leaned into it. the smell of his old cloak and clothes was something a mix of some kind of spice and flower pollen that tickled my nose. but i didn't pull away, instead wrapping my arms around him to embrace him as well

"..you have grown up more in these last few weeks than the entire time I have known you here" he'd murmur, a smile in his voice as he drew away from me. a lingering hand on my shoulder before he slipped it away and returned it back to his pot. there was a sniffle in his voice that matched the one in my own as he wiped at his eyes "I suppose a father never ceases to be one"

"you're a good one too, Trencil... i mean that. you're daughter is tough and smart. and a pain in my ass" i'd offer a grin at this now, and a laugh actually slipped out of him for it. it was good to see him laugh, even as his fangs were exposed quite well "seriously, she's always ready to fight me Trencil. she's fiesty"

"she is a real snapdragon, I admit" he'd smile wider at me now, it even touching upon his eyes as he spoke "She does her father proud"

"i hope she knows that. though you have less trouble expressing it than she does, I am sure.." sighing lightly, i'd pinch the bridge of my nose "okay, okay.. I gotta head out. i have at least three other people to talk to.. I gotta get things set up, fix them..."

turning away from the vampire, i was surprised when he caught my wrist, stopping me mid-step to turn and look at him. when i caught his gaze, there was a burning concern in them that seemed to glow with the shade that touched upon him, echoing like embers in his words as he spoke 

"Be _careful,_ Jamie.."

he didn't have to elaborate, I knew what he was warning me of, and I gave him a simple nod

"I won't let any one get hurt" I promised, slipped away from him and made my way to the lounge. I could just barely hear his muttered "I hope that includes you.." as i dipped down into the quite bumping lounge. more lights seemed to have been turned on, as the near by jukebox played happily. the swirlling smell of alcohol made my head spin when it hit me, ducking back away from the entrance as i leaned against the wall. oh boy, this was going to be difficult. there were!! so many people!!! in heRE!??? at least three buT STILL!

THAT WAS ALOT!!

for me, any way.

peering around the corner, I could hardly recognize Parsley. suit jacket gone, tie loose, he had a drink in his hand and was in heated discussion with Jeraphina. Only god could perhaps have an inkling on what they were talking about, given how slurred their speech currently was. their hand gesturing was vast and all over the place (mostly Parsley any way) and I could hear a few 'Martin' name being dropped, but the context was lost on me. lover? ex lover? dog? whatever it was, Parsley was worked up about it either way.

Tiff was over in the corner, seeming to be singing along with the jukebox and it's melody. it was familiar to me, strangely enough. one of Wallus's favorite songs, he use to play it all the time when he didn't live in the wall...had some one set it up for him, maybe?

I could take a wild gues who

but shaking my head of that thought process, i focused on the individual I actually came to speak to. he was standing behind the counter, cleaning away at a glass, occasionally looking over at Parsley with a smile on his face. hmm, it seemed the two Botch's had perhaps made up. or, at the very least, were talking... or standing in the same room. I couldn't quite read the air between them, but it was a hellva lot closer than it had been, that was for damn sure.

giving a glance around, i'd sigh and wave my hand, trying to catch Jimothan's attention. i really, REALLY didn't want to have to walk out there and risk conversation with the inebriated and the free. i wasn't...ready for that, not yet. in time I would have to apologize to every one, but I wanted to do it on better terms, preferably sober ones.

however, once Jim caught sight of me, I saw that smile faulter and turn back into something a bit more neutral looking, averting his gaze down to his glass. shit...

slapping my hand to my face, i snapped my fingers a few times, earning his quiet stare back on me as I gestured with beckoning motions

(COME HERE)

passive and unmoving, he'd shake his head and point at the seat directly in front of him, his intention clear

(NO, YOU SIT HERE)

agast and shock plane on my face, I gestured to the two I'd have to pass through, bringing my fingers up to my head and exploding it outward

(PAST THESE TWO, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!)

again, he pointed at the seat, and my shoulders sagged. he knew he was making me take a walk through hell, and he wasn't going to relent on it, it seemed. stubborn, frustrated, i disappeared around the corner to collect myself. true, I could just come back when they had left. I could kill time long enough to come see him after hours... but would he speak to me then, if I did? Jimothan wanted this from me, and I supposed it was owed to him, given my behavior. what was 5 to 10 minutes of discomfort vs a life time of regret.

slapping my face a few times and resisting both putting more force into it and the itch in my teeth, I rounded the corner and made a b-line to the chair. I didn't listen to Parsley or Seraphina, I didn't look at Tiff, I went right to the stool and sat directly down. I just barely caught the shocked look in Jim's eye before he turned away to get something under the counter

"Didn't think you'd do it" he admitted, and i huffed, my back achieving with the vulnerability of the situation. any one could just...come up to me. touch me or hurt me. the fear was present, and it showed with how i gripped at the counter and kept my gaze on Jim. he wouldn't let any one hurt me, I had to trust that. I had to trust that I was safe, even if I didn't feel that way

"I came to apologize" i blurted out. anxiety and fear making it hard for me to exactly be tactful or dance around my words. blunt was going to have to be the way this was done if Jim wanted me to squirm like this "I'm sorry for being a jack ass. I'm sorry for not...talking to you or not even being a decent fucking person" the words spilled from my lips faster than I could filter them, or even really focus on them. my head was swimming with the smell in here, the scent of food and booze and smoke and whatever freshener was used for the bathroom. it all choked around me with the feeling of being watched. 

breathe Jamie, breathe!

"I'm sorry for not realizing I was working for a maniac too.." i stated flatly, but lowly, pulling my arms close to my body "i'm planning on making things better, making them right. I'm apologizing to people, some, as many as I can right now and I'm going to make things better. I'm sorry, I-"

thunk

a glass was set in front of me, making me blink at it's coloration. for a moment, it's existence confused me so much my fear dialed back for a moment of clarity. sitting in a tulip glass of sorts, though it's lip was a bit more curved than the average one, was a light blue drink with some clear gel on top. it was hardly the norm of Jim's drink set up, and was quite...frilly looking. I glanced at him, confusion on my face as he stuck a straw in it and pushed it towards me

"looks like you need one"

"wha- Jim I don't drin-"

"it's a virgin, don't worry" he'd go back to cleaning a glass, his smile curling up a bit at the corner of his lips "was inspired by the Flower Kid actually. made it after they helped me talk to my boy again. You know, they've got a good head on their shoulders. Good flower" he'd chuckle, looking down at the glass in his hand, avoiding my slightly confused gaze and continued "..you know word travels fast around here James. I know what you've been up to, what you've been trying to do."

i sagged slightly, feeling the weight of my sins around my neck

"and I know it's been back firing on you something fierce too." taking a breath, he'd meet my gaze "..you passed out on the stairs, after curfew"

my heart felt like it was in a vice, and i dropped my gaze to the counter

"I saw him with you you know." he'd continue, and it felt like we were sitting in our own little bubble some how. it was as if the other three, and even the music it self, couldn't touch us any more. Jim had that kind of presence, that strange ability to make him unseen if he truly wanted it. how? i had no idea, but in this moment I knew it was for the best. in this moment, it gave me at least some saving grace as i looked like a kicked puppy

my eyes burned with more tears, but i tried to fight them back. if i cried now, I wouldn't stop and I needed to talk to others after this

"...he didn't hurt you, did he, kid?"

shaking my head, i sighed, the heel of my hands pushed into my eyes as i answered unsteadily "no...b-but he did fire me. I don't...work for him a-any more. and when I went to talk t-to Flower Kid, they gave me my p-painting. and they found m-my m-...a-a song...and they.." gesturing with my hands, i could only sputter for words at the conflicting, confusing emotions I felt "...I don't..want to... I don't want things like this any more, Jim. I gotta fix it, change it, that's why i'm here" shifting my tired and reddened eyes to him, i stared at his own with an exasperation in my soul I was sure he could see "I'm going to talk to Wallus and Kamal. I'm going to get the key cards, and I'm going to go stop Habit. He's gone off the deep end, o-or going to. Things can't keep going this way and it's time..." i took a breath to steady myself, pulling the drink closer to me for a moment "...it's _time_."

for a moment, the deafening presence of the bar tender was all I could hear around me. i watched the bubbles on the inside of the glass stream to the top, amassing it seemed into the gel that sat on top. taking a sip, i was surprised by how sweet yet tart it was. like a kind of fruit punch made with the strongest berries, with the littlest bit of zest of what ever soda it was mixed with. the strange gel bubble ontop gave an airyness to it that tickled at my nose and, despite everything, made me snicker and snort a little at the sensation 

my amusement must have tickled the barkeep, because I heard Jimothan chuckle after me, sighing as he set down the cup "..I'm glad you've finally come around, kid. Was really worried about you for a while, thought we had lost you too..." rubbing at the back of his neck, he'd rest his elbows on the counter and meet my gaze "..you know it's not going to be easy, right? Habit he's...the Doc's got a few screws loose, and I don't just mean in his tower. He might not listen to you James. he might try to hurt'cha.."

"...I know" throat thick, I had a hard time swallowing at the real chance of that. it perhaps was hard to believe it, but the real possibility would be foolish to ignore. Habit wasn't...he was like me, in more ways than I'd like to admit, to acknowledge. I could understand his mind, even the twisted and sharp pieces of it. the jagged parts that had been shoved together and stitched to stick. whatever was good and kind was buried in thorns and brambles right now, and getting through to that would hardly leave one unscathed. even still, what choice did any of us really have?

more so, what choice did i have?

Kamal and Wallus certainly weren't going to stand up to Habit, and neither was Jim or Gillis. no, none of the staff were going to have the spine or guts to do it, and even few would make it out with those pieces intact. I knew it had to be me, as a sort of penance for letting it go on for so damn long. if I could just get my hands on those key cards...

sighing, i'd take a few more sips and push away from the counter, looking to Jim "I'm going to talk to Wallus and Kamal. who knows how many days away we are from the big event. I'm going to see if they can help me figure out what to do with every one here. maybe we can mass discharge or...something" shaking my head, I'd glance over at the hole in the wall, the vent that lead to the boiler room

"I'll keep my ear to the wall for the news then. I'm going to get a few people out of here when ever it happens though James, with or without any prompting" straightening up, he'd pick up a glass and begin wiping it down. i could feel the pressure around us begin to fade as Jim let go of the bubble, and I got up out of my chair

"I understand. you know, two dads really are a treat for a kid. they're both lucky to have you guys" giving a wink and a snicker, I'd quickly dash over to the wall, scrambling my way up it as I heard Jimothan sputter behind me

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALK- GET OUTTA MY BAR"

"WORKING ON IT!"

I laughed as I felt seltzer water spray me from behind, scuttling fully into the boiler room and out of range of his hose. god, my pants were soaked now, but..i didn't mind it. I shook out a pant leg and snickered a few more times, letting the humor rush over me for a few minutes longer as I made my way over to Wallus's hole. even being in the boiler room again seemed to drain me of vitailty, but I tried my damndest to hold onto it. to cling to the bright, light feeling that had been trying to bloom in my chest. I had to believe that, when this was all over, I'd be able to feel that more regularly than I did now. I had to believe that, because other wise..

..other wise I'd be right here, in a hole in the wall, having given up.

...oh _Wallus_..

bringing my fingers up, I hesitated for a moment.. but then knocked with my knuckles to the wall. it was a rhythmic knocking, much to the melody of his song

the scratching sound came first, and then the reflective eye peered out at me, staring at me from the depths. voice trickling out like the dripping water in a cave, I heard him speak

"Jamie...you're okay..?"

"yeah...kinda, maybe. sorta...eehh.." rubbing the back of my neck, i'd sigh "...you.. probably saw what happened the other night, didn't you"

"...heard but...yeeah....." silence gave a high pitch whine between us, my discomfort as obvious as his own before he spoke again "...thought maybe he'd...y'know..."

"no, well...i don't know, but he did fire me..." i couldn't hide the hurt in my voice, resting my hands on my lap as i stared down at them "...brought me back to my room, didn't give me a PSA but...well, i don't have a job now. I've...i've come to realize a few things Wallus. that you and Kamal were right, that this isn't...this place isn't..." i tried to gesture around, as if that would bring to me the words that I couldn't find for myself

Wallus waited, patient as he was, but i simply sighed when I couldn't find any good words "...this place isn't good, for any of us really. and Habit is going to end up hurting himself or some one else at this rate...i mean, more...sorry.."

"....yeah.." his voice was small, and it hurt me so much i winced 

"....I'm sorry Wallus... I'm...I'm sorry I didn't believe you.. when you told me about his behavior.." voice growing smaller, tenitive, I stared at the hole in earnest "...i'm sorry I didn't see the warning signs... I should have, I did but...I ignored them...it was stupid and foolish, and it put people in danger...and I can't fix the past, but...I'm going to try to fix the present..."

silence, I continued. I was getting good at monologuing today. 

"i already talked to Jim and Trencil, but I'm going to go talk to Kamal too. I'm going to see about maybe discharging every one or maybe sneaking them out or something" leaning closer, making sure my hair covered my face, I spoke closer to the hole "i'm going to make sure Habit doesn't hurt any one else, ever again... I need your key card Wallus. yours and Kamal's. if I can get up there, I can keep him distracted long enough for either every one to get out or..I don't know.. but I can get teh damn gates open, at least.

the intake of air was the softest gasp i heard, and his fingers inched their way onto the hole "...do you mean it..?"

"..yes. I am going to lay in this bed i made, but i'll be damned if i let anyone else gets hurt in the process. I have to talk to Kamal first. more than likely, I'll send him down here to get things straightened out, okay? so if you hear from me or Kamal, just be ready to do whatever. i haven't really figured it all out yet"

"...okay...okay, yeah...i think I can do that...I'll wait for either you or Kamal.." he'd shift, and i could hear scratching "he came to visit me the other day, helped me get the music playing on the jukebox"

wha-Kamal??? mr'i never came down from the Terrance because i'm scared of stairs but also pouting' Bora?? huh...maybe he had actually grown a spine since last we spoke.

"that's...actually encouraging, not going to lie.." breathing out, i'd pat the wall "just wait for him then, I'll send him down to get the card and we'll figure out things from there.

"....hey Jamie..?"

pausing for a moment, i'd lower myself back down to the hole, peering into it as I heard him speak

"...I haven't forgiven him, and I'm..not sure I have forgiven you, either... you've said sorry...but... you weren't there when I needed you.... I may forgive you some day but....for now, I don't." his words, though soft, held weight and meaning behind them, and I could only swallow and nod

"...i respect that... I hope my actions can help you be comfortable around me again, some day.." sighing lightly, i'd pat the wall "i'm going to go now, I'll make sure Kamal comes to get the card from you"

"right...see ya" with that and some shuffling, I knew that I was alone in the boiler room once more.

rising to my feet, staring at the wall for a few moments longer, my gaze shifted to the camera. the red light and lens stared back at me, and flashes of those red eyes made me flinch.

my lip curled up a little, something of a sneer on my expression as i balled my fists up

"Monsters don't get second chances" i stated at the camera, and turned on my heel, quickly heading out of the boiler room. I had a date with the Terrance and the lotus man who usually bloomed there.


	18. All the pieces lining up, like the teeth in your smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are finalized, discussions are had  
> character development is seen both ways  
> a twist a occurs  
> and a flower is the only thing standing between a nightmare and a dream coming true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a long one o/ enjoy!

And after all of this time, I was suddenly made aware of why I hated going on the Terrance.

First off, why were their so many fucking stairs between me and this place? it wasn't as if i disliked heights or anything! more so i was indifferent to the fact i was climbing higher and higher away from the ground. no, it was the fact with every couple of stairs, i could feel the wind in my lungs trying to catch, and my knees aching at all the walking i had been doing more often of late. 

  
Second of all, it was morning. or after noon, at the least. i wasn't very good at telling what time it was in the early hours. regardless, the sun was up, and it was hot, and i was not enjoying the sweat beading underneath my bangs and running down my face as i got to the 5th set of stairs. running my hand along the cool concrete of it's walls, i grumbled and hissed my displeasure at all of this. for a moment, a _brief_ moment, i considered perhaps laying in the bed and letting whatever happen happen was better

but all that took was a shook of my head to push the idle thought away. no. I had made up my mind. this was all wrong, and I had to take responsibility, cause it sure looked like no one else was going to.

well... other than a _child_. but even _I_ knew that was wrong.

and I was hoping, perhaps, one other person would see that too.

when i stepped out into the harsh sunlight, it almost literally felt like being set on fire. eyes blinking, trying to adjust to the brightness, i wiped my face on my sleeve as i turned to look around this area. I wasn't as familiar with it's lay out during the day time...the people, any way. all of the chairs and the empty closet and the bars were the same. but the people here were...far more than i thought, originally.

Lulia was lazing on a chair, more than likely working on her 'health glow' or whatever she called it. it was a thought beyond me, sleeping under the sun so directly. it made my skin prickle just _thinking_ about it. then Questionette was just to the side of me, seeming to have taken notice of my presence as much as I hers. however there was little we could do for each other, since we couldn't understand the other. still, she watched me as I took notice of Borbra over in the corner. she still had her binoculars in hand, looking for her mysterious y'owl' or...just general birds.

and bird folk.

i chased that thought out of my head as i turned, pointedly ignoring the large eyes of the child standing underneath one of the umbrellas. Tim-Tam was staring, but she was _always_ staring. and I wasn't here for her, and whatever she had stolen today. I wasn't here as the security guard, since I had been released from that collar and leash. No, I came here for a particular person who I could see trying to hide behind one of the bars of the 'flower garden' of the terrance.

He was thin, but he wasn't _that_ thin.

walking up the last few bits of stairs (and wanting to complain about it, but not) i came face to face with the very person I had been pointedly ignoring the existence of for weeks. I came face to face with a person who was the physical embodiment of the phrase 'non-confrontational'. the way he stood, with his knees hardly straight and his posture hunched, he made himself look even smaller than he already was. which was a shame, because when we had met he had actually come across as a professional.

What a shock it had been to figure otherwise.

venom in my thoughts that I tried to keep off of my face and tongue, i took a breath and walked towards him "Kamal, we need to talk"

"A-ah...why." fair enough response, he brought his hands up in a half hearted pose, as if he was going to physically defend himself against me. did he think i was going to try to beat him? it was on the table, sure, but only depending on how this conversation went. because if he was going to stand in between me and my end goal, well

he was gonna catch some hands, and maybe a few of his own teeth.

i stopped only a foot or so away from him. i was in his space because I had to be, to talk quietly. looking at the sweat on his face and the nervous shape of his brow, frustration continued to knit inside of me at a rapid pace. as if my patience were a pot on the stove, being boiled away into nothing but angry vapers

"look." my anger made my tone clipped "I'm not here to fight or argue with you. on the contrary, I'm here to ask for help." just saying it made me angrier, and I was sure my perturbed feelings were bleeding through not only my tone, but my face, as he was giving me 'that look'(tm)

people gave me 'that look'(tm) when they were afraid. afraid of what i might do, or say. it was that look of braced confusion, their eyes trying to scan what I might do next, knowing full well they couldn't predict that.

or, at least, Kamal knew he couldn't.

but i kept my hands firmly at my sides, willing myself to close my eyes to give him a reprieve from my glare "I'm not here to fight you, Kamal. I'm not...so just...take a breath, and hear me out." i heard the rush of breath as i closed my eyes, as if he had been afraid to breathe in front of me, and the sound of a bench creaking

"i heard ya the first time...I uh...eh.." I heard another sound of fabric moving, but I wasn't going to reopen my eyes yet. it was actually easier to talk to him if I didn't have to see him. easier to do this next part without having to look at his stupid, cowardly face.

"i'm sure you've heard about the flower kid coming here, yeah? of course you have, what am i saying.."i muttered, rubbing my face and the sweat away from it "it's about them. it's about all of this. but more importantly, it's about Habit"

the air between us seemed to chill at me saying it out loud, and i tried to ignore the sensation creeping over the back of my neck. tried to ignore the feeling of a gaze on me that shouldn't be there. he couldn't see me right now, right??

..right?

"you wanna talk about the doc??" Kamal's voice sounded surprised, and I tried to ignore how that made my skin burn with more emotions than I could properly list or recognize

"Yes. I want to talk about how to stop this, the 'big event', the... _thing_ in the carnival grounds. Habit...has something planned, and i KNOW you know, Kamal. I know he told _you_." my eyes opened, and i felt as if my gaze was fire to this man, watching him shrink under it "I know you know why he's been doing all of this, and I know you haven't done dick all to do a damn thing about it. I..." sucking in a breath and lowering the pointed finger i had begun to aim at him, i pushed my hands underneath my arms, holding them tightly lke the straight jacket I was in was meant to "...I...would like to stop...whatever he has planned. I would like to help"

" _you_ want to help _me_?" his skepticism painted his voice heavily, and i huffed

"Not really, no" i said honestly, holding his gaze with a glower "I want to help every one else."

"ah...'supose that makes more sense" he'd rub the back of his neck, nervous gaze looking over towards the tower, and my own didn't follow him. I didn't need the reminder that it was there. I didn't look. "and I haven't been doin' nothing.. I've been talking with the others."

i bit my tongue not to spout something and let him continue 

"and I've got...well, something planned. half of something, eh...I got Trence and Jim to agree to help me get people out, should things go...poorly. still trying to get some of the others to agree, like Borbra over there" he'd gesture a thumb over towards her, but I didn't look. 

I couldn't look, I had to focus on staring at the bars over his head to keep myself grounded. I had to remember why I was here, and what I was hoping to do. The whole point of this was for the others, more over Flower Kid. If Kamal could give me some insight, could help me organize with Wallus and the others...if I could get the keycard access to the tower, then every one could get out and the monster in his tower could be dealt with.

I felt my nails digging into my palm at that thought. both monsters would go down, and every one else would be free and fine without a second thought. it was the best ending, in my eyes.

ah, but Kamal was talking, and i tuned back in

"-which would just really leave getting ol Wallus out of his wall, so we'll probably have to do it some time during the night. Habit tends not to come out at a particular set of hours between night and day, after he's done his rounds. so we'll all go after that. the others have uh...helped me figure out how to get the kids outta here" he'd shift as my attention focused back on him directly, trying to put together some of the words and noises he had made before when I wasn't focusing. shit, he had told me his plan, and I hadn't paid attention

eh

"okay, so you've got an escape plan" typical "and what about Habit? you've still got dirt on him though, right? and access to the tunnel?" I put one of my hands on the bars beside me, trying to refrain from leaning over his sitting self

"well, yeeaahh.." avoiding eye contact with me, I ignored the blush that came on his face "i've got months of it! but I...uh..." he shook his head " and uh...yeah... I've got access... but like...." he'd fidget with his sleeves, and I couldn't fathom why he was hesitating

"if you've got access, then give me the card. I already talked to Wallus, and he's agreed to give you his card if you go and get it from him. if you both give me access, I'll make sure Habit doesn't hurt any one, personally." the way i said that made the man flinch, and to my utter surprise, he shook his head at me

"N-no, I uh...need it"

"NEed iT??" take a breath, calm, keep a handle on it "why do you need it, Kamal."

"uhhh"

"KAmal"

"reasons"

the bar in my hand snapped.

I honestly didn't mean to do it, and the lack of grounding metal in my hand caught me by a bit of surprise. I didn't really pay attention to the paled look on Kamal's face, nor the curious one from Lulia just some ways away from the bars. I didn't really focus on the bar that was sitting in my hand now, staring at it but not really seeing it. I was watching a night from so long ago. a night where he had twisted and bent the bars of the railings on the third floor so easily. like they had been made of those silly wires sold as most arts-and-crafts. i remembered the sound of the metal twisting, i remembered the feeling of adereline in my veins...

deep and heavy, i sighed, pushing the metal back into place and looking to the stammering man in front of me. he was trying to get some kind of sentence out, but i honestly didn't have the patience to let him pussy-foot around it

"Kamal"

"i-i-...h-h...w-wh.."

"I'm going to leave now. think on what I said, okay?" breathing in again, i brushed my thumb around the edges of the metal "think about the key cards, and Wallus, and what I said. I'll come by to talk to you about it later...or tomorrow...or something"

taking my hand away from the bar, I moved away from him, my shoulders heavy as I formulated my next course of action. scaring the man half to death wasn't my intention, and yet here i was. doing just fucking that. it made me tired, a kind of tired I had long since been paying attention to. because as i stood there on the stairs of the 'rose garden', looking over at the rest of the Terrance, I felt...that disconnection.

no body here was like me. not really.

every one here was here for one reason or another, but no one was here like I was. no one had gone through what I had.

no one here could relate to me, and neither could I they.

and that feeling weighed heavily on my chest as I walked down the few stairs to the roof top. maybe that was why I had been so desperate for Habit's...validation. out of every one, he was the most like me. he could understand me most times, and I him. it... for a while, had felt like partners in crime. like I had FINALLY found some one who spoke a language close enough to my own...

but with a short laugh, I ducked behind the shed and slammed my back against it, knocking loose any feelings that started to bloom in my chest. if we could understand each other, that just meant we were both monsters. people who hurt- _creatures_ that hurt people. nothing we ever did or would do would be right, or good. if I could understand and relate to him, that just meant I was as bad as he was. it just meant that when the Habitat went down, both of us should go down with it.

flexing my fingers around my knee, i tried to think the best way to do that. if the elevator was closed off, if Habit was in his tower, there wouldn't be any place he could really go. every one could escape, and I could keep him there. breaking the elevator wouldn't be that hard I figured. a good punch or kick to the buttons should bust it well enough. I could even just try clipping the rope that made it move. once I was inside the tower, there were DOZENS of ways I could ensure neither of us got out of there.

taking a breath in, i leaned my head against the wall, looking out over the vast landscape. it was surprising to have such a barren place like this place, considering how far north we were. the town was so far from here, you could hardly make out it's lights, even on a clear night. during the day, it was nothing at all. just blending in with the purpleish hues of the mountains so distant from us. 

i don't know how long i sat there, staring out and letting my mind wander. to different conversations, to different plans, to different memories and thoughts. my screwed up sleep schedule was in deed catching up with me in the worst of ways, and i may have even dozed in and out of a sleep like state. it wasn't until i felt the slight tapping of a padded hand that i jolted to a more alerted state. drool on my chin, and my eyes heavy and hazy, i looked over at the green eye of the only person up here who would give a shit to wake some one up like me.

Flower Kid was standing there, looking at me curiously. the sun was hanging lower in the sky, almost late afternoon now. blinking, confused, I looked at them about as curiously as they looked at me

".....hi"

they waved, a smile on their face

"....uh.." scratching at the back of my head, i sighed "...thanks for...everything you've done, so far I mean.." i stretched out my arms, resting them on my knees as i glanced away from the kid. the yellow of their cap was bright in the late sunlight, and their smile was just as bright as the sun itself. I could already feel the excited expression they were making from just the corner of my eye, i didn't have to look full at it, i knew better. didn't feel like being blinded this time.

they waved their hand however, catching my attention back to them. their sleeves rolled up, enough to show their hands....ah, were they trying to talk to me again? shaking my head, I put my hand on theirs "...still don't understand you. i think i'm going to get yes or no..or obvious things... treat me like I'm stupid, kid. cuz i kinda am"

the accurate statement made them puff their cheeks at me, shaking their head and stamping their foot once, earning a snort from me "what, are you a horse now? one stamp for no, two for yes?"

two stamps, i actually laughed

"my point still stands, kid... I can't understand you... I can't understand any one" leaning back against the wall, my eyes drifted back to the edge of the building. one of the trains of my thoughts had drifted back to that thought process. would i survive falling off the side? would Habit?

if he fell from the tower...would that be enough?

i gripped lightly at my arm at the thought of it

"....i've heard what you've been doing for every one." i started, interrupting whatever it was the kid was doing. digging around in that bouquet of theirs. "I've heard- I've SEEN the difference. you're doing a lot of good by a lot of people... but I don't know if any one here is going to do good by you, kid" my voice heavy and thick, I couldn't look at them as i stared at the waste land around us. the air was cooler this time of year. the wind blew faintly and i foolishy took a breath of it, feeling the 'air' invaiding my lungs and clogging my mind. it wasn't curfew yet, but it was getting damn close to it

"...I don't know if people are going to understand what you do for them, or even return that kindness towards you, themselves or others" gripping my wrist, i lowered my gaze to my arms "...you're...putting ALOT of effort into this place, kid... putting alot of effort into the people here"

running a hand through my hair, I turned my head to gaze at them. tired eyes looked to one attentive one. where usually I could see nothing but the expression of those judging, or ignoring what I had to say... I saw one hanging on my every word. in that moment, Flower Child was giving me all of their attention. they would listen to me.

but would they under stand me?

"...they are good people, I'll admit. some rough around the edges. some a bit stuck in their old ways, or not knowing better. some of them are shallow and others uneducated. some are flat out rude. but...they are good people. people who have been hurting for a real long time. this place was supposed to help them, but... it didn't. He Didn't."

there was a silence, obviously. it wasn't as if this kid was going to talk to me

"...I really believed in him, Flower Kid... I really thought all of this...all of..." I gestured wildly, watching my hands freeze in the air and slowly lower, a defeated action that took my spirits with it "..I really thought that we could make every one happy. I thought what I was doing was ensuring that... but...it was just hurting people... People i cared about... people i..."

rubbing my face harshly with my hands, I pulled my hair back as a shuttery breath left me "I want to do what's right this time, kid. This place isn't what's right. We gotta get people out of here, and I plan to. That's what we're supposed to do..." looking to them, for a moment, i was lost in the stress of it all. I was lost in my grief and pain and i could feel the tears burning in the corner of my eyes "but how are we supposed to do that, huh? if we can't work together, if we can't get along... how are any of us ever going to help each other!?"

breathing heavily, i watched them watch me with an unreadable expression. it felt as if their single green eye was staring through me. like I wasn't looking at a person, but a meadow. a grove, tucked away in a deep, rich forest. thousands of flowers swayed slowly in an unfelt breeze, and I felt myself breathing in time with it

"... no one here is a bad person, just...doing bad things... lost, confused, and hurting..." i broke eye contact first, looking away and resting my arms back on my knees "...so I'll ask you one final thing, if you could humor me this. just... _please_. can you show me something to give me hope? can you show me a reason to try?"

out of all of my impossible requests, this one felt the most cruel, and I wanted to kick myself for it. this wasn't something a child should have to help me with, this wasn't something they could do FOR me. either I had hope for this situation, or I didn't. there wasn't really any room for error or second guessing of my goals.

but the painful twist inside of my chest... it was hard to ignore the feeling. it was hard to ignore the waring feelings inside of me, wanting to save...or condemn. it gnashed inside of my ribs, pressing against my lungs, twisting up my throat and sitting on the back of my tongue. it hurt, and my eyes watered because of it.

something new, however, cut through the pain. something new settled on my shoulder like a light butterfly and drew my outward, instead focused inside of my self as I had become. blurry images of yellow and tan and green was my gaze upon Flower Kid. they were watching me, their expression unreadable, but...gentle, all the same. their hand rested lightly on my shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze too. they were...comforting me? reassuring?? it was hard to tell, but I could at least tell they were trying.

hesitantly, with slow movements, i reached my own hand up and rested it on theirs, sighing quietly some of the tension out of my form. what could I say? what could i do other than apologize?? this was stupid, I was showing weeakness in front of a person who needed me to be strong.

"I'm sorry" I began, wipeing the tears before they could fall "just forget it, that wasn't fair of me to-"

something fwapped over my head, and caused genuine confusion in me as I felt it. it had no real weight, but was there all the same. boggled, blinking, i looked up to see the sleeve of the flower child resting gingerly upon the floof of my hair. looking to them, their cheeks pouted outward, i tilted my head "what?"

they pouted more at me

my confusion peaked, a slight laugh came out of me "what??? what are you doing??? why this????" humor touched upon my voice and eyes, and i couldn't keep the mirth off of my lips as they curled into a smile, taking the arm off of my head to peer at them for explanation 

but there was none coming, was there? they were smiling now, their nose wrinkled slightly as they showed off their teeth. a gap in their front top, and a little too much gum showing in their smile to be considered 'normal'... but it fit them. it fit Flower Kid, and it made me smile back.

they pat my hands a few time, and pointed at the setting sun. my attention was drawn to it for a moment, watching it making its' way to the western sky now, before i looked back to them, pointing to where I sat.

I understood that this time.

"Yes, I'll meet you around this time here tomorrow" i conceded gently, patting at their hand again "I may even sleep here, honestly. no point in going back to the room" a yawn drifted out of me, but their firm pat on my shoulder made me jump, looking at them in confusion "what?? whaT??"

not taking my confusion as a reason to dawdle, Flower Child took my hand and began tugging. there was some strength behind it, I'll grant them that. But they were still just a child. if I didn't want to move, there was little they were going to be able to make me do.

...but I still got up, confusion evident as I rose to my feet and began letting them tug me along. my sleeve was pushed back, allowing their small fingers to wrap around my own slightly larger than average. it felt...strange, not hiding them. not hiding one of the many parts of me that others would be afraid of. their hands were so small in comparison, and not nearly as sharp.

blinking in confusion, i trailed behind them as they lead me out from behind the shed and into the open of the terrace. the sun was less harsh on me now, but i still had to squint a little as we walked over it's surface. 

"Heya Flower Kid!" the rough voice of Borba caught my attention, making me seize up slightly like a deer in traffic. but Flower Kid didn't pause, just giving my fingers a faint tug as they waved "looks like you made a new friend!" she waved to me and all I could think to do was to wave awkwardly back

Borbra...you KNEW me... this disguise would fool a child who had never met me, but you HAD met me!!

but a feather brain as always, her eyes were back on her binoculars, only seeeming to have paid enough attention to greet the Flower Kid

"Traitor" the monotone voice of one of the other resident criminals greeted us as we walked around the glass floor. admittively, I was looking down, watching all of the individuals down on the lower levels. it was...strange, because every one was moving. people weren't where they usually were, every one was talking. even Jim was out of the lounge and seemed to be talking with the folks on the second level. my attention drew over to Kamal, who was crouched down near the bars, talking to Lulia.

was the plan in motion? to get every one out?

so engrossed in this was I, it was quite easy to ignore Tim-Tam's gaze upon me, the child staring like a cat expecting prey to flee. but I was brought back to the present as Flower Kid began doing that thing with their hands again, signing i believe. Tim-Tam's gaze focused to them, and my own shifted to the children as the darker haired one nodded "Good. Have this" reaching into their sleeve, Tim-Tam offered a crumpled paper to Flower Kid. but the change in them was almost visible to me, staring in some level of shock at the smile on their face. it felt as if flowers were blooming off of them, spiraling faintly outwards into the air, radiating their joy...

...is this what Flower Kid had been doing, to every one? is this not what we had been trying to do for them, too? but...where was the therapy?? where was the medication, o-or the circle meetings??? how...how had they made this child so easily pleased with nothing more than...whatever it was they did???

i was baffled, lost. which was a good thing the child was leading me by the hand like a lost dog. the tugging of their hand was the only thing that made me move forward, the only thing that kept me shuffling behind them as we descended the stairs. for all of the time that I had been following them, been trying to stop them... I had never noticed how it was that the others reacted to them. never bothered to pay attention to how different every one was now because of this one child.

"Hey Flower Child!" Mirphy's loud voice greeted us as we got to the 3rd floor, making me cringe lightly "Oh, Hey Jamie!! nice to see you out and about!!!"

rubbing at my neck with my free hand, I gave a half hearted "yeeaaahh..." Mirphy was...never really one of the ones I knew how to deal with. she had come in with Kamal and Dallas and them, but she was... excitable. eccentric. Passionate and _Loud_.

 _especially_ loud.

"Thanks for this glorious view by the way!!" she stated, holding up some kind of photograph of...her own ass. ah, so that's what Flower Kid was doing earlier when I was speaking to Dallas. "I've never seen something so beautiful, so fanTASTIC!" Mirphy, it's your own ass. "Great job with the composition, too! keep it up little Flower!!" giving a thumbs up, the tall woman made her way to her room, Flower Child waving happily and excitedly as she did. it seemed this child was more adaptive than I, as that had drained what little social energy I had left.

"how do you do it Flower Kid??" i muttered, quietly, as they lead me to my door "how do you talk to so many people, and hear their problems, and help them...? aren't you tired...??"

we stopped out side of my door now, and they seemed to be pondering that for a minute, genuinely. I could see the far off look in their eyes as they thought, the slight scratching of their finger against their chin...and after a moment, they held their hand side ways and tilted it, indicating a '50/50' kind of gesture. but then they held their hand over to their heart, giving me a smile that was gentle and true...

"...you just...enjoy doing this..?"

they nodded, squeezing my hand...and getting a soft snort of disbelief out of me

"...You're one a kind kid...try to take care of yourself, too..." my fingers squeezed their hand for a moment, before I'd tug it gently free, placing it on their cap and messing it up a little "Flowers need breaks too, I'm sure"

strange choked noises came from them, their laughter it seemed, as they gripped at my hand and shoved it off, sticking their tongue out at me as they pointed to my room. snickering, i raised my hands "yes Flower Warden, I'm going Flower Serah"

a few more snickers fell out of me as I opened the door, gave them a wave, and shut it behind me.

I was alone now, in my room. there was a silence that rang in my ears as I stood there. back to the door, gaze on the window. I could see the tower, and the world distantly behind it. the clouds of 'air' came up from Martha's smokestacks and I...stood there.

for a long time.

it took until the sun had just begun to truly make it's way on the horizon line for me to move away from the door. 

a melody began to play from some where, and I couldn't quite place if it was a real sound or another hallucination. I couldn't tell of the notes of a music box were sitting directly on the desk to the side of me, or just a far away memory resurfacing.

my fingers moved on keys that weren't there, my blurry eyes focused on a board that wasn't real. on hands that's warmth my skin barely could recall, letting my own rest on hers to play a song I knew only vaguely

bringing up my hands to my face, I knelt to the side of my bed, words trickling out of my lips 

" _♪...I've seen every sunset...♫and with all that i've learned...♩_ "

a soft little sob came out of me, unable to finish

the final notes of the music box ceased, and my consciousness with it as the 'air' claimed me.

\------------

_"there, just like that! you've got it!"_

_giggling, the world had been like that once. filled with music and laughter._

_my hands rested on hers, so much larger than my own. my skin didn't quite match hers, and yet we were both so warm and carefree. her fingers moved across the keys of the piano. the instrument sang, resonating through me from the connection point of my hands on hers._

_fingers too small to reach the keys, I watched as her own easily played, unhindered by the child sitting on her lap. I could hear the song building not only in what she played, but behind me in her chest. her humming sang through me, singing along to lyrics she had written, lyrics she knew by heart._

_my hands tried to play along with her, joy radiating from me as I pushed randomly at the white keys that I didn't know the name of. their discordant sound was harsh against the melody she set, but yet she laughed at the addition_

_"you've got it Jamie! just keep playing, whatever makes you happy baby~"_

_her song altered, playing along with the notes I so hap hazardly hit my hands against, nonsensical singing coming out of me as I enjoyed the moment. enjoyed the noise, the music, the warmth_

_and she sang along with me "♪_ You don't need a shooting star, ♫The magic's right there in your heart~ Close your eeeyyyess...believe...! and Make....a....♩ _"_

\------------

...when I woke the next morning, I wasn't surprised at the crust of salt around their edges. the light was a little jarring and confusing as I tried to sit up. my body ached, my head was swimming, the 'air' getting out of my system as I glanced around foggily. I... vaguely recalled how I had gotten back to my room. the warm feeling that lingered on my hand was proof enough it had been real and not some kind of strange fever dream tacked onto my already weird dream.

warmth, that's right. I felt a little bit warmer than usual. my thumb traced the lines in my hand, the pads of my fingers, my claws with the faint remembrance of both sets of hands I had seen. the small, non-clawed set that had held my fingers so carefully. and the larger hands I had rested my own against, back before my own claws had grown in.

...huh...wondered if Flower Kid would get claws some day. some Flowers had barbs and thorns, it wouldn't be unheard of.

the growling in my stomach pulled my attention away from my hand and I looked over towards the door, mulling over heading down to the lounge to get something to eat. it was around mid afternoon, something on the early side too. most people should've gotten breakfast, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were some stragglers waiting around there for one reason or another.

as i stared at the door, the flickering of my screen caught my attention. oh, right. I had honestly forgotten that was here at all. the flowers that played on screen were as nice and cheerful as always...

...wait, where was the text?

where was the 'you're friends are better off without you' or 'just think about all of the mistakes you made' or 'push your feelings down deep, deep , DEEP inside of you and never let them out' mentality that had almost always played on the screen?

for now it was just wild flowers. pictures of them, as if some one were walking through an open field and showing them off.

was something up with the Doc? where was his messages?

the slight sting of remembering him made my eye twitch, covering the left one quickly as i stood up. ah... maybe this is what every one got, then. Maybe I wasn't good enough for any kind of communication, even passively detrimental as those messages had been. maybe he had heard my comment the other day, and was ignoring me?

afraid of me?

i scoffed, moving past my desk and towards the door. I didn't pay it another glance as I opened the door and headed out to the lounge.

-

most of my morning was spent discussing with the others, finalizing some things and fixing some others. with most of the staff in agreement for what needed to be done, the plan was simple and clean cut. the big event was only a matter of days now, and no one knew when it would happen. when would Habit light the fire, so to speak? when would he kick Martha into full gear for his 'surprise?'. truly he was a ticking time bomb of a powder keg, and none of them wanted to stick around to see when he went 'boom'.

so we'd get every one out. all the residents who came here in cars would drive themselves and any friends they may have made outta here. all minors would be ferried to their homes or safe location, if the case were that home wasn't much better for them either. strangely or perhaps not, Jim and Trencil offered a 'sleep over' of sorts for some of the little ones, and i silently hoped their valuables would be safe from the sticky hands of Tim-Tam

but, well...if Flower Kid was going with them, perhaps they'd be a little less sticky. the kid really seemed to be having a positive effect on nearly every one in here, and it still blew me away to see it. while the majority of us talked in the lounge (and away from the eyes of Habit) it wasn't hard to hear the giggling and laughing of a game of tag that was happening just up the stairs. the squeals of joy as some one was made 'it' and every one was to run. they were having fun, and that brought a sense of ease and importance to the rest of the adults. yes, we had to make sure to protect and help them, to get them out of this dangerous place that no longer could be called 'safe'.

Kamal was the key in all of this. with most of the keys to the Habitat between him and Wallus, it was up to them to open up the doors so every one could get out in the night, between the hours when Habit was (typically) asleep. I'd be able to help to a degree, but I didn't want to stray far from the Habitat, not until...not until it was truly over.

I knew what my job would be, my job would be to go through that door and make my way to the elevator. my job was to make sure he wouldn't chase after every one and do god-only-knew-what then. my job was to do my actual damn job and protect people, be the security I SHOULD have been. perhaps late but better than never, I supposed.

so when all of the plans were planned, I found myself coming out of the lounge into the midday sun. the sounds of playing had drifted away by the back end of the conversation, and the children seemed to have made their way to various places. were they aware that they would be packing tonight? I could only assume between Nat and Flower Kid that they were aware they were leaving. even of some of the people here were parents of some kind, not every child or minor here was with an adult they were very close to. I could...understand that, in a way. and it made me sad to think about for too long of a period of time.

so, instead, I became bitter. bitter as i walked to the stair case, making my way up the stairs and towards the roof. how could Habit think...wHATEVER it was he was going to do was _helping_? tormenting adults was one thing, but kids? maybe I didn't understand them, but I sure as hell knew that putting your own issues on them was fuckin' wrong. how self centered and self serving did you have to be to ignore the pain you were causing others? how incredibly selfish, horrible and disgusting of a person did you have to be to...to..

pausing at the stairs, staring with an ire in my eyes at the drawings on the walls, i let go of the breath in my lungs that felt more like steam. maybe...I was being too harsh on him. He hadn't always been like this (i didn't think). at some point I think he really DID want to help people, once. but now he was lost, and there was no way to help him AND protect the others at the same time. one had to be done first to be able to help the other. and the people came first.

Habit would just have to fucking wait his turn.

snorting, i skipped a few steps as I came up to the last step of stairs, turning on my heel as I heard Mirphy and Dallas talking. now that he wasn't so obsessed with her, it was kinda sweet to see them bonding over their different art mediums. maybe they didn't quite understand each others tastes or skill sets, but they could still understand similar words, like 'composition' or 'busy' or things like that. strange things like that, the things only artists could understand

which i shrugged at, quickly making my way up the final stair case and towards the shed. my thoughts felt like they were spinning around on a strange kind of carasel, and yet not moving nearly quickly enough. the sun wasn't setting fast enough for our plans to be put into action. this nightmare wasn't ending fast enough for me to feel at any kind of ease.

Borba's voice cut through my train of thought with a loud "HEY!", pausing midstep as I stared at her....annnnd her companion. blinking, obviously confused, I looked at the strange....bird...that sat on her arm. with such string bean arms, I thought for a second that it was a fake. But no, not any more when it actually 'hoo'd' at me.

"hey sorry, can you pass me that mouse? I promise, it's fake!"

ah, i glanced down, seeing the small fake mouse just about to be stepped on underneath my foot. picking it up, dusting it off, i gave it a once over. seemed to be a repurposed cat toy, and I could only assumed for what.

"it flies?" looking up at her, i wiggled the mouse in my fingers, watching it colorful tails jingle with soft bells

"nope! but he does skitter! he's really good at skitterin'" she'd beam at me, crouching down to let the y'owl jump off of her wrist. it was swift, I'd give it that. quickly making it's way over towards me, i for a moment pictured what most saw in cartoon shows. where the single drawn image didn't move, but the legs were animated to give it the illusion of doing so. the fact this creature, this REAL LIFE CREATURE, looked like a budget cartoon made me snicker. watching it skitter around my legs, i jingled the bells of the mouse a few more times, before giving it a little toss back over towards Bobra.

with a 'HOO!' from it's little beak, the wings came out to give it a bit more oomph as it chased after it, bapping the tails and body with it's talons and flicking it around the place.

with a laugh, i'd make my way behind the shed "you might want to tie a fishing line to that or something. if it goes over the edge, you might not get it back"

"Oh that already happened. I got more"

"Ah" snickering, I disappeared behind the shed. pressing my back towards it, i slid down to sit and sighed. resigning myself to once again wait.

I knew that FK would come, as they said they would. eventually that little yellow headed Flower Child would come and give me my final answer in this place. they'd bring me something I would've never thought of, or had even a clue about, and...

....it was strange to believe that they would change my mind as 'easily' as that. it was strange, as I saw there in a swirling stew of my own negative feelings, to think that one thing that they could bring or say or do would change my outlook. it was strange to have such absolute faith in some one's abilities like that and it not be stemmed from fear or love of some kind.

what kind of power was that, I wondered? for some one who barely knew you to be able to find trust in you or what you say. was it how they went about doing it? was it their actions? I couldn't really place it myself... maybe it was the fact all of us _wanted_ to be better, and just needed that push. that little nudge in the right direction to get better? to be happier? because Flower Kid wouldn't be around forever, obviously.

that thought brought me a little up short. even though it was such an obvious thought, to be sure... what would happen to every one, once they were out of here? once Flower Kid wasn't their reason to be happy, or find that strength to be happy. would they... relapse? would everything here be for nothing? would everything that i was fighting for be...meaningless?

my breath came a little quicker as that sat with me, a free falling feeling that clutched at the back of my head. like a dark hand, it dragged down my spine as i released I could be making a HUGE mistake. what if i was just jumping the gun as it were?? l-letting myself buy into all of this 'flower power' stuff, only for the rug to be pulled out from under us- under ME later?? that feeling of betrayal by some one you trusted so dearly...

like the action of when one pulls the cord to make the flame burn brighter in a hot air balloon, i felt my panic rising higher and higher throughout me. the fear was clogging my brain as i grasped it in both hands. between my knees, i curled over on myself, feeling a prickling sensation of being watched on the nape of my neck.

the whole reason I was HERE was because I...i had _trusted_ some one. trusted some one to love me, to be with me. i had opened my heart up to people... who had left it shattered on the side walk when it had suited them just fine. the crushing weight of 'abandoned' hung around my neck like stones, straggling me with my own fear as i spiraled out of control. i was going to lose it all again, wasn't i? i was going to make a mistake, no matter the size, and i was going to be left behind? all of this would mean NoThing, they'D AlL Get bAD AGAIn and I'D bE-

i hadn't realized i wasn't alone in my break down until i heard snapping near my ear. flinching away from it, i froze as my eyes played tricks on me. it had to be my eyes. after all, there was no way a shadowy arm could have been there. there was no way that those red eyes, orange nose and cyan smile could've been there, staring down at me. there was no way, none. Habit didn't come out of his tower unless it was dark.

there was no way, it was a trick of the mind, nothing more.

and it was chased away by the visage of Flower Kid, who stood just to the side of me with worry written on every inch of their face. i didn't know how long they had been there, and i didn't know what i must look like right now in their eye. did i look weak? pathetic?...hurt?? was the red in my eyes noticeable? or the sniffle in my nose? the wetness on my face was apparent, even as i quickly rubbed it away and hid it under the long fluff of my hair. this wasn't the time to have a break down, Jamie! you needed to be strong, for this child. for the people of the Habitat. you had already fucked up, so it was your turn to try to make amends as best as you could. by giving them choice, a chance to heal beyond the confines of this prison.

"sorry..." I muttered, doing a quick second rub of my eyes, making sure not a trace of tears were left at their rims before i settled my breath "just...a moment uh...moment..." shaking my head, i looked to the child, waving my hand slightly "y'know, overwhelmed and uh... all that. I'm fine, uh...yeah..." scratching at the back of my neck, which felt notably cooler than it should have been, i shrugged "...hi...did you bring what i asked for...?"

still watching me with a bit of worry in their eye, my question got them to blink and then nod their head. a bit of pep returning to their step, they'd pull out that interesting bouquet of theirs. i hadn't noticed it until i was this close to them (and paying attention) but they actually had quite a few things in there. plenty of photos and a camera that looked suspiciously like Mirphy's old one. a locket I could've sworn was Ronbo's. some gardening tools...weren't those Trencil's?? in fact, they had quite a few things that i recognized as some of the other resident's belongings... were they working with Tim-Tam on stealing things, or had they been gifts?

well, it wasn't my job to find out any more. RIP if they were stolen.

plus, my attention was greatly diverted when i saw them take out a flower. it was a very peculiar flower indeed. it looked like a lily, but it's petals curved backwards instead of outwards. it had a kind of yellowy-golden coloration to it, almost like unbrushed teeth. despite that, it looked quite beautiful, and the smell...

i could smell it from where i sat, it had a very peculiar scent I couldn't quite place...but i DID recall. of course I did, I had smelled it coming from the boiler room for quite a few days after Habit had gone in there. it was during one of his 'fits' in the earlier days. something had set him off, no body really knew, and he had blocked off the boiler room for a few days. obviously this hadn't detoured me in the slightest and i had investigated through the vent...only to find him crushing and burying them in what would be come the acid pond. something, small somethings that had no hope of seeing the light of day again. the broken pipe had seen to that, all evidence of whatever they had been washed away with a layer of dissovling liquid.

but as the flower lay in their hands in full bloom, the smell was exactly the same... had Habit buried these flowers? perhaps their seeds? gently i let the back of my finger carress one of it's petals, realizing what it was they meant to do with this...

"...you're going to try to talk to him, aren't you." my tone did not imply a question, and Flower Kid knew this. it was a statement, to which they confirmed with a nod of their head

an echo of my earlier panic gripped me

"Kid... that isn't your job to do.." tone serious, i met their gaze "he's an adult. a sick, unhinged adult. who has broken pipes as if they were made of straws and built half of this place with his bare hands. flower or not, I can't let you go in there to talk to him alone... you're just a kid, you shouldn't..." my breath was coming quicker and i put my hand on my face, trying to keep it from bringing me back to that edge "you shouldn't have to be dealing with this at all..." i muttered quietly

i felt warmth on my shoulder, and it got me to raise my gaze from my hand back to them. they were smiling, but in a way i didn't know how to respond to. it was a knowing look, it was... sad, in a way. something i had said had brought them a ping of pain in their eye, and my mind reeled from it. what? what did i say??? what did i do???

"I-i'm sorry, I didn't...you're not doing anything wrong persay-" i stammered, trying to comfort them as my fear began to sky rocket "it's just...like...adults need to be able to rely on other _adults_. because it's not the job of children to make them better, we're supposed to be GOOD for kids, we're supposed to be healthy a-and strong and p-put togethER and...a-and.." breathing shakily, i felt their tiny hand on my shoulder. felt my hand over it, and how much larger I was by comparison. despite how much longer I had been alive, despite my size and skills and everything i had been through...in that moment, I felt frail.

I was frail. because I was afraid. I was afraid what would happen if this child went and spoke to Habit _alone_. did I really think so lowly of him to think he'd harm them? i wasn't sure...

but the memories of the slashes along the walls, the broken pipes. the way he could easily over power some oen if he tried... my skin prickled.

"promise me" i said quietly, looking to them "...tomorrow, we're getting every one out. promise me you'll wait for either me or...no, scratch that. wait for ME, okay?" i huffed, muttering 'can't trust bora with this..' before i shook off the slight flare of agitation and looked at them "promise me you won't go into that tunnel alone, alright? please..."

squeezing their hand, they'd seem to ponder for a moment.. before they'd nod, giving my hand a little squeeze back. i felt it, a kind of settling warmth on my shoulders, a pleasant weight that signified the promise made.

sighing out, i'd pat their hand and lean back against the wall, nodding "okay... then we've got a plan. go ahead and run off to Kamal and get whatever needs squaring away squared away. we're gonna get every one out tonight, and together...we'll go talk to Habit, okay..?" i glanced back at them, and that ever present smile met my gaze. their nose scrunched ever so slightly. their teeth a little too much shown by the way they drew back their lips. despite how odd their smile looked, in that moment, it was the best one I'd ever seen. 

because it was honest.

turning on their heel, they'd tuck the flower back into it's safe spot and give me a wave, running off towards the other side of the terrace. 

... I wonder, if I had known how side ways our plan was going to go...if I would have tried to stop them from going.

-

Night came so slow and so quick at the same time.

Every one was packed, and ready. We waited.

Hours ticked by, and I as well as a few others watched the grounds for signs of Habit walking them. Trencil remained in his normal place, but there was a key difference tonight. tonight, his potted plant was not with him. tonight, there was a mask around his face with a few layers to prevent the night 'air' from affecting him so much.

we all had them, those of us who were staying up to make sure the coast was clear. every one else was getting rest for the long drives and rides back to Farroad.

I stood at the edge of the railing on the third floor all night. i paced, I fretted. I kept waiting to see a shift of a shadow, a flash of neon colored features. I kept waiting for the masks to fail us, and for every one up to fall asleep under it's influence. I kept waiting for it all to go wrong...

...but it didn't.

Habit never came.

by the time we were absolutely certain, with an all clear from Wallus, that Habit wasn't coming, the others had begun to wake. adults got dressed quickly (or had just slept in their travel clothes) luggage and packed up clothes had been discretely moved to cars and trunks during the day, so the rest of it was left to them to bring out with them now. 

a few were a little confused why this was happening this way. people like Dallas and Borbra were still rather tired by the time they made it to the entrance. i guessed that Kamal hadn't had the heart to tell every one WHY they were being discharged in the dead of the night, and i huffed quietly at that. it was plain for most every one else to see that there was real danger here, maybe these others were just too trusting. too...caring. but Jim and Tiff really stepped up and got people organized and in line. people who had cars were helping to bus some of the others back, while others were waiting for the bus out of there. it tended to run quite a few times a day, even as far out as we were. people needed to travel at all hours, and the bus system was always there for that.

standing in the parking lot, making sure the kids were wrapped up and buckled in, making sure those unfamiliar with the roads had maps and the such forth, I wandered away from every one and over to a familiar set of people. standing by the shade of a tree, Kamal and Wallus were talking. whatever about, I didn't bother to listen in

"okay so, I got every one on the left side packed up to go, they're starting to head out now" i quickly voiced, making sure both skittish men could hear me coming. i felt like a predator coming near two prey animals, espeically with the way Kamal jumped at the sound of my voice.

I tried not to grin.

it didn't work

"JAMIE YOU ScARED mE" he breathed, holding onto Wallus's arm as he took in some steadying breaths. the other man, fairly taller than Kamal (but then again, who wasn't) helped to hold him still. it was always strange to rememeber and see Wallus's form, given all of this time of him living in the wall. he was a fairly tall, thin man. there was a... strange 'damp' feeling about him, with the way his long hair hung from his head. one eye always staring, bright and almost eerie in the night air.

"heh... sorry" not sounding it, i quickly continued "are you two getting ready to head out? Kamal, you're the one with the car, yeah?"

"yes... however, I'll be driving people back to the town first..." Wallus spoke up, surpising me lightly on that "we can't all fit in Kamal's car... and Kamal insisted..."

"...so..you're staying behind, is that it?" i looked now to Kamal, who was rubbing the back of his neck nervously 

"...yeah.. I wanna make sure every one gets out alright, y'know? we still gotta head back in after..." he motioned vaguely to the parking lot, of which cars were starting to light up and file out of there. I... had pointedly kept my attention away from it. not wanting to see them all scattering away from here. I didn't want to see the people I had been staying with for so many years now just...leaving.

I had to look away, I wasn't strong enough to see the farewell of a life I had loved so dearly.

"alright...well.." rubbing at my jaw, i stared at the far mountains, ignoring the sound of engines passing behind me. ignoring the sound of tires going from dirt to road and their noises fading into the distance "once every one is out, we head back in and we put an end to the Habitat. once and for all."

I didn't noticed the looks that Wallus and Kamal gave each other, i didn't really notice much of anything. even as i was staring at teh far distant red blinking lights of the towers near the town, everything was blurred and wet.

I couldn't see anything beyond the tears I refused to let fall.

-

by the time every one was out, my vision had cleared and silence had been brought back to the area around the Habitat. all the cars now gone. the bus had come and picked up the last remaining few. I had been ambushed by a few hugs. Dallas, Trencil, Jim. they had made me acknowlage their departure, and I had almost broke.

almost, but hadn't.

there were talks of 'see you some time' and 'i'll call you's promised, but nothing that i'd respond to. i wouldn't promise them anything, they couldn't have my word on that. because I didn't know what would become of me after this day.

I didn't know where i'd be after today.

by the time they were gone, it was just me and Kamal in the parking lot. his car being driven away now by Wallus and the few who had piled in with him. as it drove away into the distance, i sighed tiredly. the lack of sleep was weighing on me...but oddly enough, being able to be outside of the building and away from Martha's 'air' helped clear my head some from the need for sleep. it was funny to think that this place had actually made me have a stable sleeping pattern for so long, all due to a forced sleep from gas pumped into the building every night

whatever worked, right?

"ready to head back in?" Kamal's voice was shaky, as normal... but there was a kind of tone with it I could actually respect. despite his nervousness, there was an absolution in this man that seemed to have taken root some time in the last few days. had something changed him? maybe he had a bone to pick with his boss? wanted his pay check and to put in his 2 weeks notice? joking all aside, it felt like he was ready to see this through

and so was i.

"yeah, lets go get Flower Kid and get the fuck outta here.." i mumbled, kicking at the dirt slightly and turning now to head back towards the gates. we had left them cracked open, just enough to let every one get out, but not enough to be heard or felt from the tower, or really look too far out of place. all we had to do now was slip back inside, go up and get the kid, and then make our way down to the boiler room and up to the tower.

easy enough

"you know, that's not their name yeah?" Kamal looked at me, glancing across the road even as i had begun to walk it. there were no cars coming, obviously, but he still seemed wary enough to check. i sighed, waiting for him in the middle of it as i looked back at him

"i figured enough, or would assume their parents hated them to call them something so vague... why do you bring it up?"

"well...just, their name is kinda interestin'" he'd answer honestly, "they're actually named after a flower"

"no kidding?" my surprise in my tone matched my expression, eye brows raising upwards "guess it's a good thing they are in the floral buisness"

"yeah... but like also their name, the flower is-"

creeaaaaaaak

"wait, did you hear-"

THUD

click

my breath caught in my throat as i turned. i knew what it was before I even looked at the doors. I knew I wouldn't make it, even as I ran towards them. I knew what was happening before my brain had even caught up with what it was.

the doors had shut

and locked.

i crashed bodily into the doors, a loud "NO!!" coming from me as i beat my fists against the doors. they didn't budge, didn't even bend under my attempts as the reality of what happened began to stream over us like the morning rays of the sun

"Oh god..." Kamal's voice was filled with an echo of the dread i felt in my being, sinking to my knees as i hit my fists into the door. neither of us had to say it, we were thinking the same thing

The event had begun

and Flower Kid was trapped inside, alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took a WHILE to write. all of the chapters I've set up, but boy howdy this one ended up being SO LONG HAHa. sorta like the first chapter or two yeah?  
> any who, SOME SHIT HAS HAPPENED, and is going to happen  
> there is a blog to this (though the blog is some what behind the fanfic)   
> https://habbytarium.tumblr.com/  
> only a few chapters left until the end, updates will be slow because of work on multiple fronts  
> but thank you so much every one who leaves kudos and comments : ) this is a strange venture for me but ive been enjoying it so far!


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